I just found out my daughter's bio dad is not my ex-husband

[deleted account] ( 3 moms have responded )

I recently had a memory of something that I suppressed for 23yrs.
When I was 23 I had become pregnant. At the time, there was a question of if it was my exboyfriend's or my new boyfriend's of 2 months...I was 2 months pregnant when I found out. Although the 2 relationships did not overlap, I know that the doctors give you the best guesstimate of how far along you are - give or take. I never shared with my new boyfriend that it may be the ex's and the ex bf just thought I had been cheating on him when we were still together (which I wasn't). I shared this secret with one person (my best friend). When I had my daughter, she looked exactly like me. So I was relieved, no one was the wiser and I never thought about it again, until about 6 months ago. While doing some step work, the memory came back to me of the fact that there was a question of who was the dad. I was horrified.
I did some research and found out I could do a sibling DNA test to see if my 2 children (I had a son 3 yrs later) are full or 1/2 siblings, with out them even knowing. Why get them involved if my ex husband is both of their dads. One of the items that you can test for DNA is a toothbrush. I ordered the test and sent it in. Just got the results back 3 days ago, and they are 1/2 siblings vs full siblings. Again, I am still absorbing this info - certainly do not want to be the source of any hurt or confusion in my childrens life. Her dad who raised her will always be her dad.
I am doing nothing for now, started seeing a therapist but have only had one appt so we haven't gotten very far. My kids are amazing, I got divorced when they were 5 & 8 years old, took care of them, loved and nurtured them, and we have an amazing relationship. Their dad is involved in their lives and has been since the divorce.He and I are amicable. My daughter went to college and graduated nursing school and my son is in his second year of college. They are 22 and 19 years old. I am so very proud of them and they are everything to me.
I would love to hear any advise from parents, and kids, who may have experienced something similar.


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[deleted account]

that is what I am struggling with - her "right to know" and not disrupting their lives. The only reason to tell her is medically, it may make a difference. I haven't seen the other guy since I broke up with him 23 years ago. There is alot of lives that would be affected here. I so do not want to be the source of heart ache or confusion and right now, there is no reason to share this information. I just found out 5 days ago, so for now, I do nothing and try to absorb all this.

[momoftwo] - posted on 12/09/2013




That is a pretty crazy story but are you going to tell them? I think they have a right to know but I'll tell you this is wont be easy.

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