I just found out my Godfather is my biological father - he is dead -

Heather - posted on 11/04/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I am 38 years old. The youngest of three children. The only girl. Very strong Catholic family. Italian. Both parents worked...dad retired and my mom is a full time nurse...Upper middle class...."normal" so to speak...I told my mom about a 23 and me test which I thought would be cool...and she freaked out and told me to "not do it " and "let it go"...well after a couple weeks of weird behavior, I told her I did it and she told me that she and my dad switched partners with their friends, both moms ended up pregnant...they didn't know who was the father of who..and they made a PACT that they would raise their kids and never tell anyone. I met with the two siblings...I was their dad's Goddaughter and their daughter was my dad's Goddaughter. we are the same age...through a DNA test we found out that the girl was her father's...but so was I...
I told my parents the results...I told them thank you for telling me, I'm sure it was difficult, and I understood.
My mom is playing the victim...it is all about her...how could I do this to the family...do I know what I've done? I "don't understand"....
He died when I was two in a car accident...I saw them at their mother's funeral last January and when I saw the older brother I remembered his face...it was so familiar...now I know why...we have the same face...my world has been turned upside down. I am so depressed....so anxious...and I'm a pretty "normal" person...I have three kids of my own....my life is surreal...I am so sad...I'm sad that my father is dad...I'm heart broken that my dad is not my father...I'm hurt and angry that my mom is treating me like I'm the one at fault...and I'm pissed as shit that no one has asked me how I am...or said I'm sorry. I don't have any full siblings...by my faith I am a bastard...and my father is dead. I have two new siblings...I'm trying to see the positive...I'm just so lost...yet so found....I have always felt like I'm missing something...and have told every friend I know that I feel adopted, look nothing like my family..etc...my brothers don't know and they don't want them to know...they told me I can have a relationship with my new siblings but it "does not include them"...I feel so isolated and alone...and don't know what to do....

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Michelle - posted on 11/06/2016

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No, we don't carry our parent's shit.
My Mum blamed me for ruining her 2nd marriage and her life when I was 16. Needless to say, my relationship with her is very strained and I only keep one because she is the only Grandparent my children have in the same country.
You need to move past it somehow and your Mum has to take responsibility. The adults are the ones that screwed around, not you kids. Maybe they should have been more careful and used condoms.
Maybe she needs counselling. She needs some sort of help.

Heather - posted on 11/05/2016

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i an in counseling ....and funny enough am also a psychotherapist...but we are children and we try to carry our parents shit...even when we don't want to...even though we shouldn't...we just do..most screwed up love hate shit in the world. I just keep crying myself to sleep and have these fits of periods of extreme sadness..i'm so short with my kids and my husband and I are at odds....just feeling very ungrounded at the moment.

Michelle - posted on 11/05/2016

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You need to get into counselling to work through all the information.
Your Mother is wrong the way she is acting, she's the one that had sex with another man and now has to live with the consequences. SHE'S the one that did this to the family, not you. You have every right to know the truth.

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