Ren - posted on 03/23/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )
For the past two years I have been with a man who has a daughter. I also have a daughter the same age and they are both best friends. It's so wonderful and it just feels right except for one thing. And this one thing is a major, major thing.
My fiance's baby mama (excuse the term) is completely psychotic. She uses the kid against him all the time, calls him names, disrespects him, treats her own daughter like crap, is so vain and only in to herself and her wants and needs, and starts problems constantly.
We JUST announced our engagement and she sent us both texts that day (she saw it on a mutual friend's page) that said congratulations and asked to see the ring and all types of stuff. She said she always felt bad her daughter didn't have a sibling close in age and this makes her feel better to which I agreed. I have ALWAYS been respectful towards her and helpful. I have never once disrespected her even though I have imagined myself going off on her MANY, MANY times.
Anyway, the following day she started messaging my fiance telling him she is taking him to court for child support. He GIVES her child support every month (never skipped or had issues with it), pays for her before and after school care and anything else she needs and she usually spends half the time with us. She knew that he was with me because she called and asked if he could watch their daughter last minute but he was with me in Jersey where I live far from where he lives. When he said he couldn't, that's when the texts started pouring in. Disrespecting him, disrespecting me. Saying she doesn't want me watching her daughter when she's supposed to be with him, etc etc etc Her marriage to her husband is totally okay though even though she deletes him on facebook once a month and bitches to anyone who will listen. It's clear to everyone how miserable they both are together but she always says, "he's my husband... Renee's not your wife."
After listening to her berate him for over two hours and him being completely defenseless, I started writing to her from him. It didn't make things better but it didn't make them worse. She always says things like I'm not having our daughter call you anymore and we are better off with you, etc etc. Let me put in here that my fiance is an AMAZING father and he adores his daughter and she adores him.
This woman is a liar, a trouble maker, and an all around bad person and mother. I have enough on my plate right now. My own daughter's father has issues of his own. I have health issues, including a heart arrhythmia which gets worse when stress takes over. I'm not as sensitive as I used to be but this woman makes my heart feel like it's about to jump out of my chest. I love her daughter and I love the dynamic that we have but she makes it so very difficult and is one of those people who can never be wrong. I don't know if I can do this. I love my guy and I love his daughter but I'm at a point in my life where I need to eliminate stressors (doctors orders) so I can live the life I need to for my daughter and myself. I tried talking to his daughter's Mother but she completely disrespects me and I have gone above and beyond.
If anyone has been in this situation, how did you handle it? Also, would it make me a coward for ending all of this now before we get married? I have told him before that if she continues to make life hard like this, I can't be a part of it. He expressed this to her and she almost swam in it she seemed so content. I just don't know how people like this exist. :/