I just kicked my 19 year old son out!

Gina - posted on 06/12/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )

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I have just had to kick my 19 year old out and am having a hard time in dealing with it. It has been the past 2 years that his attitude has gone downhill. He says he will do things and then forgets. We pay all his bills and paid for him to take a class for EMT certification which he didn't pass the test because he didn't study and he admitted he didn't try hard. So, we told him to study harder and take it again. That was a couple of months ago and not much studying happening. He has a job that he likes and it gives him anywhere from 20 to 30 hours a week. He has been a good kid, but since he started dating this 26 year old woman ( who lives at her parents house and doesn't is not expected to pull her weight from the sound of it) he has gotten more attitude. He started spending weekends at her house and I asked to be informed if he wasn't coming home. We have rules that we asked him to follow and he doesn't. We don't like this girl he is dating and have said so but that doesn't make a difference to him. He found a kitten and brought it home and we let him keep it. I didn't want another animal to take care off and let him know it would be all his responsibility. That didn't last long. Then the past weekend he didn't let's know he wasn't coming home and when I hadn't heard from him by the the next night and I was having to take care of his cat because of his neglect. I guess it was just the straw that broke the camels back for me. We have tried everything we could think of to encourage him. We have offered to pay for his school. We have given him a truck. We pay for his insurance and his cell phone and his computer. We didn't charge rent because he only makes minimum wage. I found out last week that he was planning on going on vacation with this girl he is seeing for a whole week and taking his truck which needs some work done on it! I don't think he was going to tell us either! As many talks as we have had an all his promises that he has not followed through on has just been too much! On top of this girl he is dating that has her own set of baggage! I go back and forth if it was the right thing to do!

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Dalila - posted on 03/29/2016

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i would say no, unless you have told him that if he didn't change his ways, "these are the rules, and if you don't abide by them, you need to find your own place". "If you are not going to go to school, these are the bills that you are going to need to help pay, if you don't, then the car, cell phone, and computer are no longer yours" 19 years is still pretty young...not a true mature adult. Will he feel abandoned? He could be affected by this decision for the rest of his life. I feel the the life lesson of paying for his own conveniences far exceed the relationship that could be possibly lost forever should be the focus.

Gina - posted on 06/12/2013

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I think a part of his actions is because I have expressed that I don't care for her. However, I have spent several months in trying to get to know her. I don't try to control my kids love interest. I do expect them to listen to me if I see flags. He has also said that he sees the same flags and that he doesn't want to be in a permanent relationship with her. However, I have told him that you can't live in my house and expect to be in a relationship like this without the intent of long term commitment. I don't believe in "friends with benefits" if that is what this is and feel that if he wants to continue to see her, he can do it under his own roof.

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 06/12/2013

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He needs a good dose of reality from the sounds of it. I know it's tough but he sounds slightly spoiled and you seem more than willing to help him but he won't help himself. You keep mentioning the girlfriend that you dislike and I hope that your dislike for her isn't possibly exaggerating your sons wrong doings. He does need to be respectful but we can't pick our kids love interests( even though we would love to). You can offer advice and try to see why your son is fond of her. Your son might feel the need for some independence , which is fine, but he needs to remain respectful in order to earn this from you. Lastly, he is 19 and is going to make mistakes. Support and love him no matter what( this doesn't mean allowing him to get away with murder though) and let him know you will help him when and If he starts helping himself

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