I just recently discovered that my ex of 12 years was cheating excessively. He has another girlfriend of 2 years and they have a baby. He also was cheating on her too. He is currently in jail for a petty crime and I just decided it was best to cut all communication between him and me and our four year old daughter. My daughter adores him but now I understand why so many times he stood her up; to sleep with random women. I would have to comfort her because he wouldnt show up. He would spend small amounts of time with her when it was convenient for him. He has proven himself to be a liar, manipulator, thief and cheater and I just don't believe he loves my daughter or would be a good role model in her life. There are times when I am not sure if cutting all communication is best or should I allow some? Im just not sure what to do. Do I allow letters and cards or just cut it off all together?
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~â¥Little Miss - posted on 10/08/2012
Well, you can let her know what a good male role model is. But cutting her father completely out of her life will probably make worse daddy issues. Having scheduled supervised visits or something like that may work. Talk with your lawyer to figure out the best options.
Also, if and when you chose to bring another man in your life, make sure he will be a stupendous male role model for her.
Vicki - posted on 10/08/2012
I understand your hurt rightfully so, however your daughter shouldnt come in the middle of it all, if he writes your daughter a letter than see to it that she gets it. Let her decide for herself when she gets older weather she wants him in her life or not!
Dove - posted on 10/09/2012
It is not your place to cut all communication between your ex and your daughter. She is HIS daughter too... and if he takes you to court when he's not in jail he WILL get visitations at the very least. It is their right to have a relationship with each other... it is his responsibility on whether or not he chooses to maintain that relationship.
Jodi - posted on 10/09/2012
Ask yourself this question. When the time comes when your daughter is older, and she feels that whether she wanted her dad in her life was her choice to make, not yours, and she does get to know him, and is upset at you because you cut him off altogether (it was your choice), what are you going to say to her?
I know, it is a harsh thing to think about. But do you want to have to tell her you made that choice on her behalf? Children are much smarter than we give them credit for. She will figure out what sort of person he is in her own time. But you need to think about whether you want to be the person she blames for never having known her father. Or whether she should know him, and you just be there to shoulder her disappointment.
Vicki - posted on 10/09/2012
Dont let the issues you have with him interfer with your decission. If it were me I wouldnt keep him away. He is unstable yes hopefully one day he smartens up. I understand that as mothers we want to protect our children from being hurt, In this case I dont think you will be protecting her from hurt cause i think she may feel hurt anyway. especially if he doesnt show up to see her. I personally would rather her know that it was him that didnt show up rather than me keeping her from him.
Carolyn - posted on 10/08/2012
I thought about that as well and that's why I feel torn. I want to protect her but I know either way she will be hurt but which is worse, feeling her fathers rejection or me protecting her from him? He is still in jail and I have not spoken to him. I have always encouraged there relationship but all these secrets coming out makes me wonder what else do I not know about him. He lives a very unstable life. I feel like I don't even know him.
Vicki - posted on 10/08/2012
I hear what your saying and understand your concern but keeping her from him can cause some issues as well. You dont want to be accused by your daughter later that you kept her from him. Allow him to show his true colours. Does he have legal visitations?
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