I know I shouldn't stay in this relationship. Still love him, but....

Sam - posted on 07/24/2015 ( 13 moms have responded )

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My husband and I have been together for 15 years. I was 17 when I got pregnant and basically my mother forced me to get married. To make a long story short their has been a lot of jealousy(even with my family members) put downs, emotional violence, 2 times physical violence as well. For the first I'd say 5 years he drank alotttt then he calmed down alittle but now he starting again. Even comes home drunk and passes out in the car. ( Before I continue I'm not an easy person. I'm outspoken I'm loud when angry I do say stuff without thinking) just wanted to point that out. He could be a sweet heart, but it he has issues. And I know that he loves me. He is very anti social. Never wants to meet new people and hates when people come over the house. He is not a hands on dad. I would do everything with my kids until my injury happened things have changed. My children can't have friends over becouse he gets upset. One time 13 year okd( family friends son) was going to spend the night when the kid sat next to me he got really upset and took him home. I would never ask him for money becouse I worked. Tommorow is going to be a month that we haven't spoken and it's not just me but it seems like he isnt interested in talking to me niether. He hangs around with people that I do not speak to and they talk negatively about me and he knows it. It hurts my feeling when he goes over there home and take food and buys Beer when he hasn't bought grocery in a month for us. I have no income. Our kids go to a school that uniform is needed and He refused to buy their u informs Last week. He gives me NO money, doesn't put gas in the car he has kicked me out three times😔. We have four kids and I have No where to go. I know I would have to go to a shelter. I dont want to put my kids thru that. He refuses to leave. Basically every time he leaves with the kids I threaten to call the cops if he drives under the influence with them in the car. I am relizing that my older son is acting like him now. I know what I have to do but I really don't want for my kids to go thru the moving out especially when I have no where to go. Need help, opinions, advise

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Sarah - posted on 07/27/2015

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File for divorce, you don't have to move out. He can stay until a judge gives you the house, child support and spousal support. Then he can get his own place and see the kids when he is sober.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 07/27/2015

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I am confused:

" I would never ask him for money becouse I worked."

" I have no income."

Can you clarify this?

You may love him, but he is physically abusive, ad sounds VERY emotionally abusive to you and your children. Love doesn't fix everything. You know what you need to do.

Andrea - posted on 07/24/2015

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I am currently in your position sweetie but my husband is not and alcoholic and we abuse each other at times we can get really rough and choke eachother were aware it's not healthy and need help the only way this will work for everyone involved is to walk away or go to a family support therapist which were currently seeking get the help you need even if he won't by the time you look up you'll be strong enough to walk away or have the skills you need to asses the situation

Jacqueline - posted on 07/24/2015

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And you say this guy loves you? That's the excuse battered woman make for their men. If the kids suffer a little not to be better 2moro then you better act fast. report to the authorities and file for divorce. He will come back nice and sweet but don't be deceived, its the usual trend for men who abuse there wives. Save your kinds NOW.....

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Sam - posted on 07/28/2015

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I got injured @ my job 2 years :/. I'm in workers comp but nothing has happened. I havent received payments since last October I believe. They stopped it becouse they said I was stable and permanent. I can't get disability becouse when The clinic gave me the forms it was too late.( I'm appealing that right now) I been looking for a job for 2 weeks. The doctor has not yet released me but I called my lawyer and explained that it was very important that I need income. He said I can get a job just to be careful and not ( basically hurt my self more). And no I don't want my kids to think that is ok of because it's not. Yesturday I I registered in adult school to complete my 7 ( 😔) credits I needed to graduate. Another thing I worry is my back. A lot of times I think it's in my head but I try to do things that I love and play the way I use to with the kids and I'll be in pain for the next couple of weeks. I even had to take strong prescription drugs ( prescribed) a morning that I want to do things with my kids or if we have an event to go to. Just so I won't feel the pain as much or at all. Unfortunately the day or weeks after that I feel like I'm dying. Today I am making an appointment with my therapist again. I. Thinking of making all my kids one too. It's been stressful for them too with my back injury,( they always say it's. It the same o more, u don't do anything with us and stuff like that) and their dad and me. Just breaks my heart

Sarah - posted on 07/28/2015

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A man who is emotional and physically abusive, addicted to alcohol and withholds money from his life partner and children. You'd rather stay and teach your boys that this is what marriage is and how they should treat their future spouses, and your daughter's to be doormats? does that really seem easier than leaving? If you don't wan to move out, then don't. File for divorce and sleep alone. When the judge hands down the division of assets you 'll either get the house, sell the house or he will get the house and you'll get some sort of support. If you are unable to work, do you get disability or unemployment?

Sam - posted on 07/28/2015

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When I was employed I bought almost everything the kids and I needed. Did t ask him for money. He paid the rent and utilitie. I paid food and electricity. Now that I'm not employed he refuses to give me money. Not even gas money. My kids go to a school where u they were u iforms.he refused to buy them told my boys to wear the same ones they did last year. ( they barley fit and not in great condition). I had to ask my mother for the money. Made a yard sale last weekend thank God I did good. With that I could buy my other two kids things that they need for school. I am looking for employment. I'm trying my best

Sam - posted on 07/27/2015

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Yes I know. Seems every time I go to church the paster talks about my problems. Sometimes I can't help but start crying. I leave feeling Like bricks r lifted off my shoulders. Thanks

Kelli - posted on 07/25/2015

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He doesn't love you, sorry it's just not love. I know what you are going thru and the next step is he turns your kids against you. To them you're condoning it so why shouldn't they? Go to a shelter, get out while you can, next he will bring other women into this. If you can work at all try to let the shelters help you. Show your kids you won't tolerate this treatment. He's decided you're a door mat. So sorry, but do it before he steals your whole life and your kids! God bless

Michelle - posted on 07/25/2015

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Wouldn't you rather your kids go through a bit of heartache during a divorce than many more years of abuse? I know if I was being treated like that, I would be running a mile and not looking back.
Sorry, but your husband doesn't love YOU, he loves to CONTROL you. He is abusive and you deserve better. Your children also deserve to be brought up in a loving house, not one where their parents haven't spoken for a month!!! That's NOT a normal marriage.

Sam - posted on 07/24/2015

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Thanks for ur advise. And ur right I need to take my kids out of this situation before it gets worse.

Sam - posted on 07/24/2015

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I started going to therapy due to me getting depressed becouse of my back injury. Then I started talking about the issues I had at home. He even went once with me. Before we left the Therapist said that just in that one hour she met him, she new he had been thru a lot. We never went back. And that's what I think about a lot. I used to feel bad for him that was my excuse for not leaving before. Know I relize that he is a grown man. I need to worry more about my little one. My oldest is 14 and he is starting to act like him :/. He tries to control me. He has told me before that my busband talk bad about me to him. I just know that when I leave, my kids r going to suffer a lot. He is going to make it very difficult I just don't want my kids to go thru all that

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