I live with my mom and she's driving me crazy! She doesn't respect how I take care of my son and acts like I'm an idiot all the time. How do I get her to stop?

Eli - posted on 01/04/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I live with my mom right now and my toddler son. Just so you know I'm not a freeloader, I pay half of everything and am going to school, it's just financially difficult to live on my own.

My issue is my mom is always acting like I'm an idiot when it comes to my son, and will never listen to me. She gives me dirty looks when she thinks I'm doing something 'awful' to my son, and honestly I don't think I'm doing anything wrong.

For example today we decided to go to a movie and got sitter, it was in the afternoon, so when we got home he had never taken a nap (he usually doesn't with other people) and was really tired and ending up getting cranky. Of course she decided to do work, right in the living room, and I was supposed to keep him away from her. Then I made him supper and had it out but he kept screaming NO NOOO no dinner!! So I finally managed to get him over but he was still yelling and refused to get in his high chair so I put him down and said ok, well you tell me when you're ready, and of course my mom yells at me to just put him in the chair, and grumbling because I'm not keeping him from screaming, and it's like what am I supposed to do? Shove him in the chair and force him to eat? Yeah 'cause that works with a screaming toddler.

And it goes on and on. I try to make sure he puts all his toys away by himself, without me helping him put everything away, and I've told her this MULTIPLE TIMES and of course, she picks it up right in front of me, or starts helping him after I've refused to help him (so she looks like the nice one and I look like a meanie). One time he was yelling because I hung up something and he didn't want it hung up (for no reason of course) and I didn't even know what he was screaming about and was trying to explain that there's nothing wrong with having it hang there and she comes downstairs and is like 'why are you letting him scream like this? I'm trying to work' and moves the thing for him. And of course he actually gave a little comment like 'she moved it'. When I try to get him to do things now he starts yelling for her over and over. Not because she always lets him do what he wants but it happens enough that he'll try to get at her.

I make a rule and she blatently disregards it, she acts like I'm torturing him all the time. I can't force him not to scream or yell, and I don't think every time he does he should be distracted with tv, oh she does that, he's upset let him watch something. So every time he's upset I should put the tv on? I know it calms him down but maybe he should learn to calm down by himself when he doesn't get what he wants. Maybe you should respect the fact that I ask him to put his toys away on his own and at the very least don't totally disregard what I've said to him right after I've said it.

He doesn't respect me when she's around because everything I do is being judged by her and he plays off that. When we're on our own he listens to me (fairly well, not perfect like any kid) and he's willing to do things that he refuses to do when she's around. It's really frustrating and I've tried talking to her, I TOLD her specifically that I don't want her picking toys up for him when I'm around and she did it just today, just because she was pissy at me.

It's really annoying. How do I get her to stop acting like everything I do is wrong, especially in front of my son? How do I get her to follow my rules for my child?

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Danielle - posted on 07/15/2013

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It's tough living home with your mom with your child I did it for a year and had my own problems with it as I'm sure anyone does. Grandparents are going to spoil their grandchildren that's expected but when you live together it becomes an all the time thing which is not good for parent or child. Not to mention the generation difference, our parents did things much differently than us and their parents different from them. It's very frustrating and can cause problems with you and your mothers relationship. Try to nicely explain to her that your his parent so things need to be done your way. Maybe she could come up with a set schedule for when she'll be working so you can either have him napping or take him out of the house a while. If it becomes too frustrating for you I would say move out, you don't want to lose your relationship with your mother over this and you definitely don't want your son losing all respect for you.

Lacye - posted on 01/04/2013

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Ok. I misunderstood then. I saw where you were helping her pay the bills but I didn't know you and her were renting the house together. I thought you were just helping her out with bills and paying her rent.

It does seem like talking is just not working. I don't know what to tell you other than finding a way to move out. Yeah it's hard, but she's always going to under mind you as a mother. Or at least that is the way it seems from your descriptions.

Eli - posted on 01/04/2013

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That's the thing it's OUR house Layce, we're renting and I pay half of EVERYTHING, rent/utilities/groceries etc. Yes she helps me out a lot, and I appreciate that, but it's not HER house I'm living in. And yes I do think of moving out, I'm just trying to figure it all out financially, plus finding a roommate who I'm comfortable with around my kid. I don't want to move in with a stranger who could be a wackjob.

And for some of these things I have specifically talked to her, calmly, like the toy thing. I told her how I felt, and she said how she felt about it (that it was to much for him etc.) and I said well don't pick them up when I'm here. She seemed to agree and then she got pissed at me about him screaming over something (and me not being able to calm him down somehow like a toddlerwhisperer) and went and picked up all the toys he had out, right in front of me like a day or two after we had that conversation. It's just annoying.

Tamiko - posted on 01/04/2013

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Well you are going to have to figure out how to get out. I don't know I you tried honestly talking to her without making her feel like the target because people always seem to be on th defense when you start off a conversation with pointing out the negative first. So you can start off with a whole lot of good things and then go into what bothers you. Bottom line is you have to find a ay out. I don't know if you believe in prayer but you can pray for God to help you endure untill you get your own.

Lacye - posted on 01/04/2013

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That's a good question, especially when you live in her house. I'm not trying to be mean, but she's going to do what she wants. If you want her to respect you as his mother, you are going to have to move out of her house. I know that's hard to do (let's face it, the economy sucks) but it sounds like something you are going to have to do. Have you thought about getting a place with a roommate? It would be easier than having to put up with your mother disrespecting you all the time.

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