I lost my friends because of my mental illness

Michelle - posted on 08/15/2011 ( 18 moms have responded )

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I found out when I was 17 that i have schizophrenia and i had such a life. I had twins at 19 and im engaged but besides him, the kids and family...i mean in a positive way its all i have. I happen to be very fortunate. but am i missing out on anything?

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Judy - posted on 08/17/2011

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Society really needs to have more information on mental illness and take away the stigma so more people will understand ,accept and get help that many often don't seek due to society 's attitude ,the news has so much of the people with mental illness that don't seek help and the horrible murders they do,what they also need to focus on is the normal life a person can lead with medication,and for those people that have it not to be rejected,there is nothing to be embarrassed about,and I believe everyone has a little bit of crazy,haha,,they just don't know it.Accepting yourself,and loving yourself is very important for a happy peaceful life.Just be who you are,and the ones that care will love you,and the other people don't matter.A person needs caring people in their life.not judgmental people who doesn't accept them.You will find friends,true friends someday.and you aren't missing out on anything .

Pamela - posted on 08/19/2011

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I am not certain what it is you think you are "missing out on". You didn't say your age now, which would allow more reflection of your situation.

If you are engaged to be married, a mom and have a happy relationship with them, then what would you be missing? Going out to night clubs to dance and drink?
Going to parties? Going to concerts or other events?

You can do all of those things and still have a happy family. Going out to do things without children simply requires a reliable baby sitter and the cash flow. If you do not have either of the latter, enjoy your life at home and make it as pleasant as possible for all others as well.

If you want to make new friends look for play groups for children or clubs in your area that have the same interests as you do.

As long as you believe that you are "missing something" you will be.....you will be missing Peace Of Mind!

Hannah - posted on 08/17/2011

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Nope! Friends who bale when the going gets tough aren't real friends. If you have a supportive family then you really aren't missing out on much of anything.

Michelle - posted on 08/16/2011

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Thanks for the suggestions. I joined both communities. i also added you to my circle

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Constance - posted on 08/18/2011

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People don't understand diabilities in any form. Instead of finding out about it the duck and run. True friends will stick around and be as supportive as they can. I have amongst other things I am BiPolar. My husband is wonderful he has dealt with my mood swings. My sister is completely supportive. My mom isn't at all because she compares me to her best friend. She always says that my symptons don't match hers so I can't be BiPolar. I have learned to ignore it. You only miss out if you think you are. You will make true friends.

Lisa - posted on 08/18/2011

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What do you do when it is a family member that does not accept you the way you are, i have been shunned by my own sister multiple times because she refused to acknowledge my bipolar disorder even though our Mom and our Grandma were probably bipolar as well though never diagnosed.... She has said before that I just use the bipolar as an excuse instead of it being a real problem.. I take my meds daily, I work from home, doctors have even said that i am one of the highest functioning bipolar people they have ever seen but yet i can't seem to get my sister to acknowledge it in the right way. I have lost friends because of my outbursts but like someone said above they must not have been real true friends. I tend to value my friendships so much so it hurts when i lose someone i cared about because of my behavior even though it was warranted, just i overreact and i think that is the jist of bipolar not being able to control my emotions, especially anger... any suggestions about how to rebuild a relationship with my sis...??

Hesti - posted on 08/18/2011

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Firstly, well said Skye, I might need to quote you sometime ;-) 'proud of my recovery instead of ashamed of my mistakes' !!!!

Michelle, I don't know how social you are, but have you ever thought of joining a support group in your area? Its a great way of meeting new people who will probably not be as judgemental as some others? Good friends really are hard to come by, whatever ones individual strengths and hardships... All I can suggest is to meet new people and sooner or later you will find someone that just 'fits' with your personality and lifestyle. Also, the best way to make a friend is to be one, unfortunately that means you have to really put yourself out there, making time to listen to people, be genuinely interested in what they have to say and take the trouble to remain friendly and in touch; that can be emotionally draining if you try 'too much too soon', so be selective! Just thought of another thing, what is relationship like with the parents in your kids 'circle', not sure how old they are but surely they go to school or participate in some or other activity where you get to see and meet the other kids' parents? Already a 'shared interest' - your kids! - which is a good conversation starter? Good luck to you, and whilst I think you are very fortunate to have family members you are close to I do think that its good for expanding our horizons to have contact with the 'outside world' as well!

Skye - posted on 08/17/2011

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Check out NAMI groups in your area. http://www.nami.org/
It's a great organization and a place to meet others that have experienced the stigma related to mental health issues. There are also opportunities to get involved with advocacy to decrease stigma. I'm a person in recovery from substance abuse and have found that the more advocacy work I've done, the more I've become proud of my recovery instead of ashamed of my mistakes.

CHERYL - posted on 08/17/2011

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God Bless You and praise God for everyday and everyone in your life. I am a mother of a 33 year old son with schiz. and we love and support him everyday. People leave out of lack of knowledge and understanding. Thank you for speaking out. Surround yourself with those who love you and give your children a hug from me.

Khadisah - posted on 08/17/2011

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i would like to thank u first michelle for ur courage and this post i just want u to know that ur story and all the comments have help me to see that there are mom like me i havent been comfirmed of my problem yet but i know and have been told that i have bipolar and i also have tyroids so it is a daily struggle for me to do anything i lost my friends the few i had and i really dont deal with my family ive been coping with gods help my kids and my wonderful husdand which i know is a task for all of them to deal with me lol i just wanted u to know that u have touch me in a way that i will now start to seek help i know this is a sign because i dont use circle of moms regularly but ur post came to my email and i had to read it so once again Thank u and may god continue to bless u in ur journey and to shanni that u for ur help and info also as u know a person with problems needs all the help we can get so thank u for ur post and may god bless u also .

Shannintipton - posted on 08/16/2011

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I left a message on your wall. Thanks again for joining my communities. I hope you find them as fun as I do. Oh man there is another community. It is Mummy Chat. Sorry about that. I you want to join that one too I will post the link. Dont feel like you have too but I would love if you did. I will be right back with the link.

Shannintipton - posted on 08/16/2011

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http://www.circleofmoms.com/disabled-mom...

This one is for Disabled Moms with Children. It is not very active. People just check once in a while. Some of them have a difficult time even getting on line. But there are a few that check in. Hope to see you at both communities. and Good luck. :)

Shannintipton - posted on 08/16/2011

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I am really sorry to hear that Michelle. It sucks that your friends left. But they were not true friends. People get nervous and dont know what to say. I ran into a lot of that. So I dont tell everybody until they get to know me. Then it all makes sense to them why I am the way I am. ha ha. Over time you will find more and more friends. It will just take some time. I understand why you dont tell people right away. If it were me and it was. I would not tell people right away. Give them a chance to know you first. Then ease into it. That is just my opinion. Good luck and anytime you want to chat just let me know. I also have two communities if you would like to join. One is Disabled Moms with Children and the other one is for fun. Bitchin Ladies. BL is more active than the Disability one. Way more active. I will paste the links in another post. I have to go get the links. BRB

Michelle - posted on 08/16/2011

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I havent grown to accpet it so i only tell those who are close to me. suchas my family and my fiances family. I had friends before and the mental illness was so devasting that i was afraid to tell anybody and when i do i automatically assume theyll judge me and look at me different. im very self concious about it. And my old friends before i was diagnosed didnt even stick around, when i really need them i mean that should be obvious. and they knew me enough to understand what was needed. But their true colors showed that they werent really reliable in a time of need. which is why all i have now is my kids, my fiance and out families i can only trust those who will be there for me.

Shannintipton - posted on 08/16/2011

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I feel your pain. I have brain surgery at 27. People reacted funny and weird scared to talk to me about it. Now I am soooooo okay with it. It has changed my personality and now at 46 I like my personality. I do things now that I would have never done before. But it also has made me not want to leave the house. The friends I do have are very good people and they know about my disability. Do you tell people or are these people you knew before you were diagnosed and have left because of your mental health issues???

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