i lost my grandson in october and can't talk to my family about it but I feel depressed he was only 77 mins old but i feel as though i had a strong bond with him as i watched him been born where do i turn now

Julia - posted on 05/10/2011 ( no moms have responded yet )

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I had a really strong bond with my pregnant daughter with her third child but when she went into labour at 6 months two weeks I watched him being born, I held his little feet as he was breech then I held his little hand, and he squeezed mine back but just 77 mins later I watched in horror as he passed away in my daughters arms, I comforted her like any mother would but I can't get over his death, I always feel depressed, but alwys try and smile for the sake of my other grandchildren, and my two other daughters but I weep each night for the little one we lost

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Kristina - posted on 05/10/2011

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My sincere condolences on your loss Julia! Nothing is harder than losing a child or gandchild - it goes against everything that feels normal - the older people are supposed to die first, right?
My advice is to make sure that you are talking to your family about your grief and pain! They need to know that you're trying to carry on normally for the other children, but your own grown children need to know that you're grieving. If you have a Church, talk to one of the staff about counseling and/or a grief support group. If you don't have a Church, look into support groups and/or counseling in other areas in your community.
Love on those other grandchildren, and, as hard as it is, revel in the fact that you get to enjoy being with them and watching them grow and learn and change.
You will never forget your grandson, but you MUST be able to work through this - the intensity of the hurt will diminish, and the experience will become a part of who you are. Embrace that and let it become something positive - let it help you be closer with your grown children and your grandchildren.
I would also recommend having some sort of memorial or ceremony if there wasn't one yet. Make sure that you get to say good-bye, and be certain you let your daughter know that you too are hurting. Love on one another with phone calls, emails and the like.

Most importantly, know that what you are going through is OK! It is ok to hurt, and of COURSE you would feel grief and depression after losing someone you love. Even though you only had those 77 minutes, you were there during the pregnancy, experiencing the love and attachment to this little guy - you loved him as much as the grandchildren who were already born!

My prayers are with you and your family as you continue to journey through this loss.

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