I lost my only child / daughter in a car accident.

Rachel - posted on 08/04/2014 ( 5 moms have responded )




My world was turned upside down almost 2 months ago. My daughter, my only child was killed in an auto-accident. She was 27, with a bachelors degree in Education. I was so proud of her. She was the only beauty in my life. She was so beautiful, I couldn't believe how pretty she was.
Receiving that dreaded call about the accident that Monday morning at work was just so surreal. I didn't know how to act. I know I felt tears come down my face but I couldn't cry. I refused to beleive it was her. The days following are just a blur. I miss her so much, I just want to hear her voice so bad, I want to hold her, talk to her. I want so much to dream her. I still haven't been able to cry for her. It just doesn't seem real. I'm terrified to give in. Giving in will make it REAL.
I'm a single parent; her father was absent her whole life. It was just her and I only. My immediate family has been very supportive but I'm alone in this; in so many ways. I'm not married and "my" little family is no more. I can't have anymore children and I will NEVER have grandchildren. My faith has become almost Non-existent!!!!! And I feel no one understands!!!! People keep comparing my grief to their grief of losing a parent. I don't see the connection????? When I start to have episodes I try SO HARD to repress them. I try to think or do something else to make me laugh. It's not fair!!!!
I'm getting ready to start grief counseling.
I'm so scared. The word "Alone" has a new meaning for me now in so many ways.


LTM - posted on 08/04/2014




Rachel, you poor woman. I am so, so sorry. After all those years together, and all that effort you put in to create a future for your daughter, no wonder the hole is so vast. I am not surprised you're proud of her, and I do hope you are proud of yourself as well. Without such a loving, supportive mother I doubt she would have achieved her degree. And without her father in her life, what would have become of her if you'd been any less committed and loving? You clearly have a great deal to be proud of.
I have no words of advice to offer you, Rachel. But I do send you love and hugs. I'm sitting here crying for the loss of your daughter and the grandchildren who might have been. And I know one day your tears will come.
You're allowed to grieve, Rachel. Any tragedy is worthy of tears. However I do understand how frightening it is to be standing on the edge of a precipice and afraid you'll lose control. I have never been to grief counseling, but I sincerely hope it helps. Somebody has to help you through the stages of grief.
I hate the thought of you being alone. Please don't shut everybody out. You'll need old friends and new as you take the journey through this most horrible stage in your life. Honor your daughter by doing the best that you can as you face your new reality.
She never would have meant to make you cry ... but I'm sure she'd understand your heartbreak, pass you tissues for your tears, and urge you to go on. I don't know what happens when one dies, but I like to believe we still receive hugs from the other side.
Hugs to you, Rachel.


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