I lost my son a year ago, desperately trying to get pregnant again...and now my best friend is pregnant. How to cope?

Teresa - posted on 08/01/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




We lost our sweet baby boy Tyler a year ago, a stillbirth at 40 weeks. The pain, as I'm sure most of you reading this know, was unimaginable. So unexpected, what turned into the joy of being in labor quickly turned into a nightmare. Over the past year, I have gone to a couple counseling sessions though Empty Cradle, and had the support of many friends and family. We celebrated his one year anniversary...it was a peaceful day spent together with my husband. We have been trying, unsuccessfully to get pregnant for the past 9 months. What seemed to be quite easy the first time around, has turned into a monthly frustration.

As more time passed, I seemed to be handling Tyler's death okay, able to function and work everyday without feeling like I was losing my mind. Missing and loving my son every day, praying to God he would bless us with another child soon. And then I received the news from my best friend that she is pregnant. My number #1 support system besides my husband, the only friend I asked to visit me in the hospital. She wasn't even trying, it just happened.

I seemed to have regressed back into my grief. I had a few days where I could barely make it out of bed, and was absolutely hysterical. I don't know what has come over me...I would love to be able to be happy for her, and to be able to be with her as she experiences the pregnancy of her first child. I just don't know if I have the strength to do it. I am absolutely devastated, and want more than anything to be pregnant. I feel selfish for these feeling...I I do not want to talk to her, be around her, and am avoiding social functions with all of our girlfriends. I am just so incredibly sad, so frustrated I am not able to get pregnant again after such a devastating loss.

Has anyone out there gone through something similar? Any words of advice are so much appreciated. How in the world do I handle the next 9 months with her?


Lacye - posted on 08/01/2013




Honey there are no words that I can say that will make you feel better. I almost lost my 6 month old son right after he was born but was fortunate enough to have some wonderful doctors to care after him.

All you can really do is just be there for your friend. Let her know that it is hard with what has happened but you are so happy for her and will be there for her as best as you can. I'm sure she will understand how you feel.

The one thing I will say, take some time off from trying to have another one. Allow your body and your mind to heal from what you have gone through. Get the hubby and take a nice vacation. When your body feels like it is ready to have another baby, it will happen. You will have another one in your arms one day and you will love it like no other, but for now you need to focus on you.

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