Teresa - posted on 08/01/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
We lost our sweet baby boy Tyler a year ago, a stillbirth at 40 weeks. The pain, as I'm sure most of you reading this know, was unimaginable. So unexpected, what turned into the joy of being in labor quickly turned into a nightmare. Over the past year, I have gone to a couple counseling sessions though Empty Cradle, and had the support of many friends and family. We celebrated his one year anniversary...it was a peaceful day spent together with my husband. We have been trying, unsuccessfully to get pregnant for the past 9 months. What seemed to be quite easy the first time around, has turned into a monthly frustration.
As more time passed, I seemed to be handling Tyler's death okay, able to function and work everyday without feeling like I was losing my mind. Missing and loving my son every day, praying to God he would bless us with another child soon. And then I received the news from my best friend that she is pregnant. My number #1 support system besides my husband, the only friend I asked to visit me in the hospital. She wasn't even trying, it just happened.
I seemed to have regressed back into my grief. I had a few days where I could barely make it out of bed, and was absolutely hysterical. I don't know what has come over me...I would love to be able to be happy for her, and to be able to be with her as she experiences the pregnancy of her first child. I just don't know if I have the strength to do it. I am absolutely devastated, and want more than anything to be pregnant. I feel selfish for these feeling...I I do not want to talk to her, be around her, and am avoiding social functions with all of our girlfriends. I am just so incredibly sad, so frustrated I am not able to get pregnant again after such a devastating loss.
Has anyone out there gone through something similar? Any words of advice are so much appreciated. How in the world do I handle the next 9 months with her?