EMar - posted on 12/06/2015 ( 4 moms have responded )
I love my mother, I don't talk to my dad much, or he doesn't talk to me, I think we use to kind of.
There's always been drink problems in our family, with my dad firstly, he always drank, since 14.
Funny, because the first time I tasted drugs I was 14. honestly i just got addicted and it was more
about me getting high than being around other people getting high, it got me in trouble as a kid.
My whole youth is behind me now, nobody knows what it was like, I just try to forget it.
I'm not a kid any more but it's been like that for so long it's normal for me now, weird childhood.
Even though i regret a lot of things I've said over the years, I've never been psychically abusive.
Well one time years ago when my best friend was alive, my dad use to be drinkin much heavier.
He would belt on my window and tell us to go to bed or shut up lol but one night he used a plaster
clown's face, so you can imagine me and my friend sitting in my room, probably spinning tunes
and having a smoke, my dad puts this clown's face through the window, sticks his head in the
window and says, nite lads, I went nuts and dragged him into his house by the neck, that was it.
These days, every so often me and my mom break in to silly arguments and she ends up telling me she is afraid of me, or going over our past and telling me thing si did or said, I can understand her feelings and it torments me sometimes, it's not nice and I can never forget it, actually it's not just with my mother, with my father too, he's hard to get along with, that's just how it's been.
My parents are older now, I just want to be nice, if I can't maybe I shouldn't be there.
I was just searching the web for related information, because it's on my mind and my parents
don't deserve to be treated like that never, I'm suppose to be an adult.
My mother would tell you I have a heart of gold, I feel like I have a stone heart.
I'm not a bad person, maybe I come across the wrong way with people but I don't mean it.
I haven't been to see anybody for help, I don't have arguments with everyone.
But maybe I need to deal with this so I can at least get along with my parents.
All I'm trying to do is help my mother do things she tells me she doesn't care about any more.
It never works out the way I intended it to, I try to help with their house and stuff.
My mom sometimes rings me and asks me if I'm at home, if I say yea there's a good possibility
She'll ask me to come up and try get her brother off the ground because he blacks out, some times i don't know if it's serious or an act but I had to go across town a few times late at night or in the early hours, or my dad falling down the stairs through the glass table, twice or 3 times so far, since he last came out of hospital, he's lucky to be alive really.
My mother doesn't deserve all this, from me and my father, or her brother, it's like my uncle is rewinding what we've already been through for maybe 40+ years, I dunno what's wrong with him, he was sick and got bad news that turned out to be ok, then I just seen him drunk a lot.
It makes me sad and then when I see her upset it makes me angry, wish I could change things.
Today I told my mother, when her brother comes to her house, please don't give him any drink.
That conversation didn't turn out too well, I ended up leaving before it got too out of hand.
I try to be there for them if they need me, I mean she will ring me, not my brothers.
I asked her one night, how come I haven't heard about him falling for weeks until he's in your house... she didn't answer for a while, anyway, he's drinking now as well, spirits etc.
I do care about them all but I'm a bit cold in the way I end up dealing with it.
My uncle could help himself if he wanted to, people do try but I dunno, he must be depressed.
I think everyone is entitled to have a drink in their own home, but drink is a problem in my family,
Honestly I will try stay away from drink for weeks, sometimes a few months if I'm lucky, then I
will go out and buy 4 beers, that's usually enough for me, to take away that craving.
I also drink cold sweet fizzy drinks if I feel like I need alcohol, works for me.
Anyway I know I can go a bit off the rails sometimes, and I don't want it to be with my parents.
The fact that my mother told me she was afraid of me, that's the saddest part for me.
Sometimes i stay away for a few days, maybe a week or more, but I always talk to my mom on
the phone, well, every few days and we can never hold a grudge, that's family love sort of.
So I'm thinking maybe I should stay away more often and maybe to the stage where I'm not around any more. as sad as it is, might be the best thing to do.
Just one nightmare after the other, ring ring.. are you at home? yea what's up?
Your uncle is on the floor can you come up, gale force winds and lashing rain off I go again.
Went to the hospital with my mother tonight to visit my uncle who is going through DTs.
Then we came home and held my dad up while he crawled to the bathroom, I can't deal with it,
I get abusive because I'm angry about the fact that he did it to himself because of alcohol abuse.
Told him he needs help and my mother can't handle it any more, he won't listen, blood all over his
pgs and bed, bolt in one shoulder and plate in the other, completely broke up with back pain, it's horrible and I can't find it in me to be nice about it.
Every time I go home i feel guilty and sad that it's my mother that has to sit there alone, because my father is not capable of being there for her, and my brothers, well I guess their new families are more important, so they're never around much, they have cars, I don't but i'm the one she rings always.
Thanks for the advice.