I love you tantrums???

Katie - posted on 10/31/2011 ( 5 moms have responded )

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Hi! looking for some help with my 2yr old daughter. She's somewhat precocious, potty trained at under 2 (her idea not mine), moderately verbal, very sweet, second child.

She has tantrums, not that odd in a 2 yr old. The part that has me perplexed is that while my little darling is raging she yells things like "Mama pick up me" or "hug! Hug me. I need hug" or "Love you Mama."

I'm at a loss of how to respond. I don't want to send the message that tantrums are OK. I never give in to tantrums. She really seems to have trouble being angry. I don't know weather to comfort her or 'treat the tantrum".

So far I've tried to remain disengaged when she starts, encouraged her to use her words (usually I get "I can't"). Tried giving her time to calm down (she doesn't seem able to calm back down when she gets going). I've tried empathy: " I can see that you're angry...etc etc." She rejects attempts to communicate while she's in tantrum mode (not unusual I guess) she won't engage, just yells for physical contact. I've tried talking about feelings when she's not in tantrum mode. Reassuring her that everyone gets angry, it's ok to be angry. Mama still loves you when you're angry. Doesn't seem to be making a difference

I seem to consistantly end up with her clinging to me sobbing. And she doesn't tent to bounce back, she'll be clingly for 30min to several hours. It really is making any kind of correction with her a huge challange. I know I need to be setting limits with her- and I try not to let this disuade me, but I'm sure I sometimes take the easy road knowing what could be ahead if I correct her and she melts down on me.

Nothing that worked with my 4yr old works with her. Looking for ideas and insight please!

THanks,
Katie SAHM of 2 (Sammy 4, Annelise 2)

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Kate CP - posted on 10/31/2011

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I would get down on her level, hold her hands and speak quietly to her. Say something like "When you stop yelling I can hold you. But when you're yelling it hurts my ears. Let's take some breaths like this (show her how to take some deep breaths) and then I'll hold you."

It sounds like she's scared at her own emotions and needs reassurance that she's okay.

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Amanda - posted on 10/31/2011

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Your more than welcome Katie.
If your daughter does have anxiety (or someting else), these are not true 'tantrums' and should be handled differently. If you find anything that works please post back. The most frustrating part for me is that once my daughter gets going, it is very difficult to soothe her and she has always wrung her hands and/or put them in her mouth, now she gags and pukes when highly stressed.

Katie - posted on 10/31/2011

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Thank you all for responding!
Amanda- my sister has anxiety disorder and she behaved similarly as a small child. It has crossed my mind, just wasn't sure how to procede. Thank you for the recommendation.
Kate- thank you! Your suggestion jives with what feel best to me and although she responds with "I can't" thus far, I think it just may take more time on my end.

Amanda - posted on 10/31/2011

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If your daughter can't calm down in a reasonable amount of time, I would suggest having her evaluated with a child development specialist. All states have a help me grow center. Maybe she has anxiety or something. They can offer you help. The reason I bring this up, one of my twins has serious anxiety and shows similar symptoms. I have come to accept this is the only 'way' she knows at this time to ask for the extra contact she needs. It can be very overwhelming and I wish you the best.

Katherine - posted on 10/31/2011

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My 2 year old does the same thing. It's really hard not to pick them up. I do, I'm guilty of it.


I just don't see any other option. Now if she is tantruming while I'm holding her all bets are off.
Sometimes I put her in time out anyways, it depends on how much she gets to me lol.

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