I'm 15, 16 on the 24th of September and I'm pregnant.... What do I do?

Maddie - posted on 09/15/2011 ( 45 moms have responded )

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What the heck am I supposed to do. My mom has already told me that if I ever get pregnant before marriage I won't be living under her roof anymore. I do not even have a boyfriend never mind a husband. My baby's dad was a one night stand and I told him but he wants nothing to do with it. Help me.

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Firebird - posted on 09/15/2011

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Of course it's harsh Erin, but that's life. This is no time to be a fluffy pink bunny. Yes, JuLeah, I'm serious, you didn't really think I was joking, did you? Everyone's telling her it's hard but doable, but no one's giving her any real idea of what she might be up against.

I don't care what the age, any woman who get's pregnant off a one night stand should evaluate whether or not she has the level of commitment required to "properly" raise a child. Many do, but some don't.

You gave her advice on what she can do, I gave her advice on what she might face, depending on her choice.

If she's going to raise a baby as a teenager, then she should be prepared for it as best she can be. These are all things that I thought about when I got pregnant. I even went so far as to consider "can I handle it if I gain 50 lbs and can't lose my baby weight?"

Think about it, if Maddie can't handle reading a post like mine (and believe me, I'm actually trying to be nice), how is she going to handle it when an old lady looks at her in disgust upon learning the baby she's pushing in a stroller isn't a babysitting charge? I truly hope she never has to deal with that, but it does happen a lot. You're absolutely right, she's going to need to develop a thick skin, no matter what road she takes, adoption, abortion, keeping the baby herself... these are all going to take a lot of courage and strength. She could end up having stones thrown at her on her way to an abortion clinic. The best way to prepare for this is to know what could happen from a variety of angles.

And Maddie, if you're scared to tell your mom, maybe a school counselor, principal or teacher that you trust can 'hold your hand', so to speak. Denikka's right, having a plan in place might help your mom be more accepting of your situation. Whatever you choose, it has to feel like it's the best choice for you. No one else should have a say in what you decide. Lots of people (like myself and the other great ladies at COM) are going to give you advice on both your options and your oppositions. You're going to get a lot of useful info, consider it all carefully as you make your decision. Best of luck to you.

Krista - posted on 09/16/2011

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Oh for pete's sake, Danielle. That horse has already left the barn. It's not like Maddie is saying, "I'm thinking of getting pregnant via a one-night-stand, what do you think?" Were that the case, of course we'd all be going, "Noooo!!!!"

She's already pregnant, and likely very terrified. Scolding her and calling her irresponsible isn't going to make her un-pregnant.

It's obviously a terrible situation, but I think she fully realizes that.

Now, on to the problem at hand. The fact of the matter is that the OP is only 15. HOW she got pregnant is irrelevant at this point. There are some 15-year-olds who are capable of beating the odds and can get their lives back on track after having a baby. But it takes a damn long time and a damn lot of hard work. And some never make it back on track. It's the hard truth, but there it is.

So the question to you, Maddie is this: you know your mom and we don't. How serious was she in her threat? Do you think she genuinely WOULD kick you out of the house for getting pregnant? Do you have anywhere you could go -- an aunt, a family friend?

Try your mom first. But, whether your plan is to keep the baby, put the baby up for adoption, or abort, you need to do your homework first and have a good, solid plan in place as to how you are going to handle this. You're in a situation where a lot of responsibility is being put on your shoulders in a very short time. And it's tough as hell. But it's what you have to do.

Denikka - posted on 09/15/2011

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Look into your options. Figure out what you're going to do, and make a plan to get it done.
For example: if you choose to abort, figure out how you're going to get the money, how you're going to get there, what you're going to do after, etc
If you choose to adopt, decide on an agency, how you'll choose the family, etc.
Keeping the baby will take a LOT more planning, but have something solid in place. How you're going to get the money, what you'll do for childcare, what you'll need for the first month, the first year, etc.
Do it quickly but thoroughly. Then tell your mom. She'll freak, but once she sees that you have a reasonable plan in place, hopefully she'll calm down enough to help you out a bit, like letting you stay.

If you choose to keep the baby, know your rights regarding what you can get from the dad. If he wants nothing to do with the child, he can sign over his rights. Look into all of the legalities.

Just know that no matter what you choose, it will be hard. It will be DAMN hard. Being a single teen mom is probably one of the hardest things out there. Having a plan in place is not just to show your mom that you're taking responsibility, but also to help yourself.
Oh, and make sure you have a backup for your plan. Don't rely on your mom or other family for childcare, don't expect a free ride from anyone. Figure out how to do it all by your lonesome. That way you have something in place and you KNOW it can be done, even if your family is not going to be supportive.
Good luck. You got quite a journey ahead of you :)

Firebird - posted on 09/16/2011

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Excuse me Susanne, I'm not "judging" her. I was friends with several girls who got pregnant at 16 and 17. I saw what they had to go through, and most of them were entirely unprepared for the response they got from the community. I saw one of them abandon her two oldest children, both as infants, because she wasn't ready to be mom. Most of the others turned out to be great moms. Don't you dare assume that I am not offering support, just because it's different than yours. Take off your blinders and try looking at something from a view besides your own. It does her no good to read the same thing from every single poster here. You can give her details about the "there is help" reality, and I'll giver her details about "how hard this could really be" reality. She needs to hear it all if she is going to make an educated decision.

Firebird - posted on 09/15/2011

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If I were in your position, (and willing to carry the baby to term) I personally would seriously consider adoption. A 15 year old who is having "one night stands" hardly shows a maturity level that is necessary for taking care of a child. Raising children is a life long commitment, not a one night stand. I'm sure this is coming across as a little harsh, and I'm sorry for that, but it's the truth.

If you choose to keep the baby, you'll need to make some very hard decisions like 'are you going to finish school? Go to college? How are you going to pay for a babysitter? What will you do for work? What if the baby has special needs (ex.Autism/ADHD/Down's Syndrome), can you handle that?' Then you need to think about housing/feeding/clothing the baby. Yes there are financial assistance programs in place, but those are designed to be used short-term by people who have no other options, and need help getting back on their feet. There's also your social life, you won't likely have a lot of time for friends with a baby around. Heck, my daughter's almost 7 and I still don't have much time for friends.

You need to think this all through very carefully, maybe talk to a counselor to help you sort out your options, so you can make an educated decision on what's best for your baby.

45 Comments

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Sal - posted on 09/27/2011

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congratulations for talking to your mum, it shows far more maturiy than many of the ladies here showed, and i am glad you had her support when you needed it. and also congratulations for standing up for yourself against nasty posts. good luck with what ever path life takes you on, know that you are a strong girl and this event will be impact you it should not define you.

Krista - posted on 09/27/2011

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I'm really sorry for your loss, Maddie. I'm glad to hear that your mom was supportive. I do also hope that once things settle down for you a bit, that you'll be sure to go on reliable, long-term birth control. You're so young, and you have all the time in the world to have children. Enjoy your youth -- it's so fleeting.

Pam - posted on 09/27/2011

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I am very sorry for your loss. I like your last comment. I hope life gets better for you. I wish you the best. Remember you are the only one you can really count on in life so make the best of it. I hope you are feeling ok. you can message me if you want or need to talk. Hugs to you and be-lated happy birthday

Maddie - posted on 09/27/2011

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Thanks you guys this helps alot. I got into a fight at school last week and lost the baby. ='( So it really doesn't matter what I do anymore. Any of you grown adults who are scolding me for my decision that is enough. I know what I did was wrong but it doesn't matter. I dealt with the consequences. I did tell my mom and she was supportive for the most part. You are grown adults. How I got pregnant doesn't really matter. I only put it in there so I wouldn't get people telling me to talk to the baby's father. So back off. I can take a few harsh comments but this is just ridiculous now.

Pam - posted on 09/22/2011

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OK, this girl need advise not all of you bickering. Please weigh your options, adoption is always a choice, but it is only your choice to make. Your mom will be angry, hurt, upset and probably feel a little betrayed, but she is your mom and when it comes down to it she will still love you. Keep you head up and talk to her. Alot of women/teens don't plan on getting pregnant but it does happen and you are not alone. If you decide to keep the baby it will be a hard road, no matter what age you are especially if you are a single parent. I hope you stay in school and go to college, which will be hard also, but you are the only one who can make the best of your life. Good Luck!

Jenny - posted on 09/21/2011

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Get educated about your choices and chose what is right for you, does not matter what other people think. If you can talk to your mum she might be sportive and help you through your choices. Up to you.

Shanea - posted on 09/21/2011

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Maddie I encourage you to find a pregnancy resource center in your area. There you should find lots of support and education on your options so that what ever you decide you will be educated.There is a consequence to every choice that we make you just want to make sure that it is one you can live with and don't just decide on what others tell you you should do at the end of the day you are the one who has to deal with your choice. I was 13 when I had my oldest daughter I raised her finished school it's not easy but it can be done and you can be a wonderful mom if you choose. Also adoption has changed a lot through the years and you can be as involved as you would like. Also try talking with your mom she may be upset and hurt at first but you should at least give it a try. I pray the best for you. I know this might seem like the end of the world but believe me it is not and great things can still come out of this situation and your life.

Pam - posted on 09/20/2011

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there is no right or wrong answer, you have to weigh your options and choose the best path for you and your baby. Parent's say things before the situation presents itself and have a different opinion when it happens. Have you told your parents? I know I would be mad if my daughter came home pregnant but I would not throw her out on the street. Keep your head up, if you choose adoption, try for an open one if you are strong enough. There are plenty of great families that can not have children that would love them. I hope whatever your decision (which is yours) your parents support you. Best of Luck!

Becka - posted on 09/20/2011

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I was 18 when I had my son and he's now nearly 3. A lot of people think just because your young your not going to be a good parent. Soooo not true! My little boy is an extremely happy child, is well ahead of his age in talking etc. I think do what you think is best. Don't let anyone tell you your too young because there are probably 30/40 year olds out there doing a worse job than some young mums.

Terrie - posted on 09/19/2011

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There is more to it that doing what is "right for you" which is the current conventional wisdom. You did what was "right for you" and got pregnant. Now you have 3 choices giving life to the child you are caring or ending his or her life. Unfortunately, this big decision lands on your shoulders not on the birth fathers' or even your parents. If you chose to give birth and life, then you have the choice to parent or chose adoption. No choice at this point is easy, but you can make a choice to decide what is best for your baby. Interesting a past and current US President were raised by single parents with their grandparents help. Several adopted children have gone on to do tremendous things. All needed a chance to be born. What is in store for your child?

EILEEN - posted on 09/19/2011

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Did your mother ever be strict with you about going out with boys or putting you on the pill .,Young girls today think if they get Pregnantt the state will look after you and your Baby .,in other words you made the bed now you have to try or just get rid of the baby give it up to a young couple that cannot have a family .

Nesa - posted on 09/19/2011

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please listen to Erin. She knows what she is talking about. Depending on where you live there are a ton of places who can help you and the baby. No matter what you decide you have to think about whats best for you and your baby. the past 2 years since i had my daughter have been some of the worst years of my life but they have also been the most amzing and rewarding years of my life. I wouldnt take back being a mom for anything in this world. I and my fiance still get to go have fun we just do more grown up pthings like playdates and walks in the park. Being a mom is the best thing i have ever been. PLease dont let anybody discourage you. If you make your mind up to be a good mom and to do what you have to do regardless of what your mom thinks then you will be an amazing mom just like some of the moms on here who are trying to helo and encourage you. I dont want a huge debate over this but please even if you do decide you cant handle a child please give the baby a chance at life. So many people cant have children and would give that baby a wonderful life. Good luck with whatever decision you make. You are in my prayers

Erin - posted on 09/19/2011

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Maddie,

I have to say this is my first time really getting on this cirlce of mom and now after reading how some of these ladies are so rude I am not sure that this is the place anyone should be looking for advice...joanna seems very angry =)

The choice is yours. I got pregnant at a young age from a one night stand also. It was the hardest thing in my life. However, she is my joy! I made it through, i am not sure that I would of had I not had the wonderful support group of family and friends. I am now a master's teacher and doing great. Do not let anyone break you down. This is a time you need to get in touch with yourself and talk to your mom. Really we can all tell you the best choice and how it is going to be so very hard but there are options out there, there are wonderful support groups, resources of all sorts. Just because you are 15 and pregnant does not define who you are or the kind of mother you can be. Only you can define that.

I am very glad with my decision and wouldn't change it for the world. Like I said, it is extremely hard and it makes you grow up fast but in the end, it is very rewarding. I don't know you or your life style but I believe no matter your age, if you are ready to step up to the plate, put your self last when it comes to things and forget the life of a fifteen year old then you should be fine =)

Best of luck to you! You must talk to your mom and don't let rude people break you down.

Bonnie - posted on 09/18/2011

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I just want to say that, Maddie, the first thing you should do (before you make any solid decision) is talk with your mom. I understand her views and the threats she made, but in general, your mom is YOUR mom and she will always be there for you. If you decide to go through with the pregnancy, don't wait until 4 or 5 months when you are really showing. Don't keep this from your family.

Louise - posted on 09/18/2011

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I think the next few weeks will be the hardest of your life. You have to sit down and think what you want for your future. Try and get some support either from your church (even if you are not religious they will help you) or go to your school for help. You have to make a heartbreaking decision of if you feel you want the baby or whether you feel it would be to much for you to cope with right now. There is no right and wrong decision here it is purely your choice and nobody will judge you either way. This decision has to be your choice as you have to live with it for the rest of your life. This is so much pressure for someone so young you really do need your family for support.

Maddie if you are not ready to be a mother then now is the time to say becuase the longer you leave it the worse the decision will be to make. If you feel you do want to be a mum then you are going to need a lot of support and guidance.

My heartbreaks for you it is a horrible situation to be in. I send you a [[hug]] and hope you can see through the fog to do the right thing for you. xx

Christina - posted on 09/17/2011

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I know this will not be a popular reply, and I think you should do what you feel is best for you, but I can tell yoy my experience. I became pregnant at 15 and had an abortion. It was totally my choice and no one could convince me to do otherwise. I went on with my life, finished school, got married and had a beautiful daughter when I was mature enough and ready financially. I never regretted my decision, and was very thankful to be able to continue my education and to live a normal teenage and young adult life. I do not believe I would have been able to raise a child or cope with adoption at that age. I did not have understanding parents, and ended up doing the entire procedure on my own without them knowing. I would have preferred to have their support, however, I never have regretted my choice. Just do what is right for you. Do not let anyone guilt you into any choice, because in the end, you will have to live with your choices, not them. Good luck.

Chelsea - posted on 09/17/2011

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Yes there is no reason to argue any of this. Maddie you do need to figure out all of your options, you need to be well aware of whats each option means.
Yes there is abortion, but do you really want to abort a child and later wonder what if. I council allot of ladies who has been down this rd and let me tell you it will weigh on you forever, unless you truly just dont want a baby and dont want it to affect your body.
If you chose to adopt the child out then think of your options there there is closed an open. If you want to still be apart of the childs life you can do an open adoption. If you just want the child to be given to someone and dont care to be left out of his/her life then there is closed.
Then there is keeping the child and like everyone said you have to think about who will provide for the child while you work, and/or go to school. If your mom throws you out then you have to face the idea of raising the baby on your own making sure you can fully provide. Its hard, but lots of young girls do it, I went to school with a girl who was 16 had a baby went to school, held down a job, and still made time to be a mom. If your strong enough you can do it, but no matter what you need a support group. Go to your PC and get as much info as you can then if you need go to your counselor and get some advice there as well as to telling your mom. Just dont waste to much time doing all of this because its vital you get all the help you need and tell your mom as soon as possible. The sooner you let her know the better it will be no matter how she reacts. I am sure if she found out later she will be even more upset that you held it from her for so long.
Congrats on the pregnancy and I wish you the very best with what ever decision you make.

Terrie - posted on 09/17/2011

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Maddie: I direct a pregnancy center and have seen many girls with your issue. First find a pgregnancy center that provides free pg tests, counseling and preparation for birth classes. All these services should be free. They can help you sort out your concerns and provide much needed love and support.. I can say by experience the parents of the pg girl usually turns around and becomes supportive, no matter what they said before you became pg. I can only remember one case in two years where this did not happen. To find a non-profit pg center in your area call: 887-887-9927 or text PREG to 95495 Blessings to you.

Angela - posted on 09/16/2011

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For those who are arguing, maybe get yourself on a 'Mums who need to vent' page or 'Debating Mums' page....not here. This girl has come on here to ask for help, not see grown adults argue

Mary - posted on 09/16/2011

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Tell your mom and be honest about the situation. Be sincere and let her know you need her support. I have a baby and he changed my world in such a great way. Being a mom is the best feeling I have ever had and just want to be encouraging to you. I just want you to know you are so lucky to be able to experience the great joy of being a mom! congratulations!

Allie - posted on 09/16/2011

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Honestly, you are so young and obviously I don't know you... A baby is a TON of work and not something to take lightly.

I don't know your mom, but I know people say things to 'scare' a person from doing certain things, and that could've just been her way of telling you to wait a while... but you need to tell her, and soon. The both of you can go to the doctor and sort through options, but you don't want to try and do this alone.

And I'm not trying to sound pushy, but my personal opinion is adoption. There are so many wonderful people who are unable to conceive.... You have so much going for you, finishing high school like an average high schooler, going to college etc. But being pregnant isn't the end of the world.

ME - posted on 09/16/2011

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Maddie, my mom said the same sorts of things to myself and my three younger sisters. When the youngest got pregnant outside of marriage, both of them were devastated, but 18 months later they are closer than ever! Parents sometimes say things they don't fully mean or haven't thought through to all possible conclusions. I agree that you should talk to your mom, or failing that, an aunt, cousin, teacher or counselor from school...any adult that you can trust.

Having said that, I also want to tell you that I've seen many girls your age do this successfully. I worked at a teen mom's counseling facility. The young women there needed loads of support and advice navigating the system, but many of them did just great. There are medical assistance programs, and programs like WIC that can help. Many larger cities have high schools where girls can bring their babies with them and drop them in an in-school day care. If your area doesn't have anything like that, then most states offer assistance paying for day care while you finish school. I hope you will do whatever you can to finish your high school education! If you choose to keep your baby, then there are plenty of scenarios in which you are likely to find success. That doesn't mean it will be easy, but I'm sure that you already understand that. Good luck!

Rebecca - posted on 09/16/2011

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My husband is the product of a one night stand. It was hard for his mom and that was in the late 70's through the mid 90's. She did it though and so can anyone if they put their minds to it. This is a BIG decision to make keep, abort or adoption. Telling your mom is going to be VERY hard. Before you do make sure you have somewhere you can go if she follows through on her threat. Think through all of your options carefully. Be prepared though that if you choose adoption that it MAY end up being harder then you think to give up that baby. No matter what decision you make, have a support system of some sort. The range of emotions you are going to feel will be vast. If nothing else don't be afraid to come here and ask questions, get advice or just to vent. Best of luck to you and please keep us up to date.

April - posted on 09/16/2011

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Hi Maddie, I was just thinking that when your mom made those comments, she probably didn't think you would get pregnant this young. It is one thing to kick out a 17 year old that is only one year away from being a legal adult, but kicking out a person that isn't even old enough to get a job? I don't know your mom, but i just don't think she would be that harsh on you. You're going to get bigger, so she is going to find out eventually. I would tell her soon. I think if you act like you have something to hide/try to keep it from her, it might make her treat you worse. I really really hope everything works out ok for you! I hope she comes to accept the pregnancy and tries to help you. My own mom would have been devastated, but in the end, she wouldn't have kicked me out. Even if she said it 100 times that I'd be gone, I know she never would have. Hopefully, your mom will be the same way. You won't know until you tell her first.

Jodi - posted on 09/16/2011

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***Mod Warning***

OK, ladies, can we please dispense with the bickering and rather than attacking the OP about how she got pregnant in the first place, help her with some suggestions on where she can go from here?

Thank you
Jodi
WtCoM Moderator

Krista - posted on 09/16/2011

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Well, I certainly didn't intend to be condescending. I just felt that we were losing focus on actually helping this girl, and instead were getting bogged down in an argument as to whether or not a woman who gets pregnant via one-night-stand should automatically be considered not responsible enough to be a parent.

Danielle - posted on 09/16/2011

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Krista:
I am full aware that the "horse has left the barn". I wrote that in response to the previous posts. All of which are attacking Joanna's perspective on the situation.

Although, I do feel flattered that you felt the need to pull me out in a condescending manner.

Danielle - posted on 09/16/2011

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The more I read these thread the more angry I get.

I think everyone needs to lay off Joanna, first off!



Like I have already said, I agree with Joanna, so I feel I also need to defend the position she is taking.

Yes, I feel that any woman who gets pregnant off a "one night stand" can equate to a lack of commitment, and mindset to raise a child. A pregnancy resulting in a 'one night stand' is undeniable not planned.

I personally think that represents a lack of responsibility. As Joanna has stated, that does not equate to all pregnancies that fall as a result of said "one night stand"...which I also agree.

Not every woman who gets pregnancy of a one night stand is irresponsible. That being said, we can not account for those individual situations. You can not compare a 15 year old (fresh out of junior high) to a 20-40 some old woman who has already had a dose of life, responsibility (including bills, rent, ect), and is already generally situated.



A 15 year old should not be having intercourse, never mind "one night stands".



I also want to point out that I seriously doubt that as mothers, you would give your own daughter this type of cushioned advice. I am unconvinced that if "your" daughter came to you and said (at 15) that she was pregnant as a result of a one-night-stand that you wouldn't have some harsh realities for her as repercussions of her actions.



I feel it is unwise to encourage her actions, that led to this scenario. Telling her what to expect isn't criticism, and hearing blunt perspectives won't even be the worst she will face no matter what she decides to do.

Ez - posted on 09/16/2011

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I don't care what the age, any woman who get's pregnant off a one night stand should evaluate whether or not she has the level of commitment required to "properly" raise a child. Many do, but some don't.


Ok so now a woman who has had a one night stand is unlikely to be a good mother? Wow that rules out a hell of a lot of mothers :-/

Judgement is not going to help this girl. She has found herself in a very difficult position. How she got there is irrelevant. I don't see anybody downplaying the seriousness of the situation, just offering some encouragement and telling her there are people out there to help her come to the best conclusion for her.

Teenage pregnancy is never ideal. But we need to be kind when dealing with it, rather than instilling shame. Shame helps nobody. Not the young girl, and certainly not the baby.

Sal - posted on 09/16/2011

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talk to your mum....she will prob be upset, but you need to talk to her...you are so lucky to live in an age where you have choices any choice you make has to be what is right for you...but my biggest peice of advice is to get off this site or at least find a teenage mum page, there will be people willing to rip shreads off you no matter what you choose to do and quiet frankly you don't need that stress and guilt......good luck to you i hope your mum comes round for you and make your self happy with your decisions.....

Danielle - posted on 09/16/2011

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I completely agree with Joanna!



I am confused how many mothers on here feel Joanna was being rude in any way, because she was showing a different perspective. In a lot of ways, Joanna has many good points in her posts that the OP will inevitably have to consider.

I don't think encouraging the OP that 'everything will work out' is the reality that she will face. That being said, a lot of women who have had children at a young age have matured gracefully, and have raised well adjusted children... but, many have not! That ratio will work against the OP.

There are many sacrificed any young parent must make, and much more sacrifices still being a teenager. If this is the road the OP decided to take, I do not feel it unreasonable for her to have an undiluted perspective of those challenges she will face.



It is unfortunate that you (the OP) have found yourself in this situation. I suggest you do further research into your options, and I would suggest taking your time reviewing adoption as a viable option.

Please consider what you will do in the event your mother is true to her word, and you are left homeless with a child on the way. Even with government assistance, you must consider your finances in this situation. More likely, you'll have to find work full-time to afford rent, grocery, bills, and baby items...which means your high school education will suffer.

You will also likely loose many friends who cannot relate to the emotional, and often physically painful effects of afterbirth, P.P.D, lack of sleep, and the exponential increase of responsibility bringing another life into the world includes.

I feel, you should also take into account the wishes of the baby's father. Although it is your body, I feel it is unfair to make this decision without at least considering his wishes.



Please bare in mind, that in the end the decision is yours. I agree with Joanna that talking to a counselor can help narrow down your options. I am sure that being able to discuss your fears and anxiety over the issue, with a professional "face to face" may help bring you closer to a decision.



Good luck.

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@Joanna if thats you trying to be nice im glad you didnt decide to let rip. Maddie your pregnant and believe me its not the end of the world, you will get through this and hopefully you will be a good mother. Your first lesson in life is dont worry about what people think you will get a lot of people judging you like Joanna has but age does not determine how good a parent you will be. Tell your mother because you will feel better once its out in the open and if she really loves and cares about you she will support you.

Erica - posted on 09/16/2011

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I grew up in a very religous family. I was pregant at 17. As hard as it is you need your family's support more now than ever!! Tell them NOW...be prepared for some not so good reactions but you need them.

Ez - posted on 09/15/2011

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Yeah I agree with JuLeah.. Joanna that was way too harsh :-/

Maddie, only you can decide what to do about this pregnancy, and it needs to be a choice you can live with. Do not let anyone pressure you. They are not the ones who have to live with the consequences.

It's times like this that you need your Mum, but even she can't make this decision for you. If you think she will be open to discussing your options, that is obviously best. But if you truly think she will kick you out, I would look for support elsewhere. Try your school counsellor or a friend's mother you trust. Even your doctor. There are resources out there to help you in whatever journey you choose.

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I can't tell you what to do but I think you need to find someone you trust to talk to, someone like your mom perhaps? The good things about mom's is although they talk tough in the end they will always be there for you.



But, whatever you do its your choice. Don't make anyone make you feel guilty and certainly don't make your choice out of shame, embarrassment, or to please someone else. This could be the biggest decision you will ever make and you need to make it for YOU, no one else.



With that being said I feel I should tell you about sister-in-law who was adopted. My husband's mom could not have any more kids so they adopted a baby girl from a 14 year old girl. When my sister in-law was in her early 20's she looked up her birth mom and eventually her birth dad too. She now has a wonderful relationship with her birth mom who never had any more children. In fact both the birth mom and birth dad (and their respective families) went to her wedding last summer! On that day it became very clear that something that seemed like a huge mistake was really a wonderful gift.



After the wedding my father-in-law (a tough farmer type) told me the birth dad (also a tough guy) came up to him teary eyed and thanked him for raising his daughter. Although the birth dad had no say in it (I think it could have been a one night stand too) the birth dad was so glad the birth mom took the rough road. In a sense I think her courage redeemed both of them. Hopefully it will be just a matter of time before that courageous woman becomes a grandmother.



I bet my sister-in-law and/or her birth mom would be willing to talk to you if you like.... even if it is just via email. Just let me know.



Although carrying out the pregnancy might may seem like the toughest option right now, just remember the next few years of your life are just a fraction of the time you will spend here on this earth.

Chelsea - posted on 09/15/2011

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I am with Brianna on this one with the telling your mom first. Yes it will be hard I am sure, but telling her in the beginning will be a lot less stressful and cause allot less anger than waiting. My sister was a young mom and hid it from everyone till two days before she had my nephew. My dad was furious, but was willing to help her get everything she needed thinking he had time because my nephew wasnt due for another 2mos. Before he knew he always told us girls to never get pregnant unless married and if we lived at home we had to find a new place. He didnt do that to her, and I know if your mom loves you like a mom should she will support you and what ever decisions you make about this baby.
I myself am against abortion, so I say at least carry to term , but have a plan laid out as to what you want to do beyond that. I do wish you the very best and no matter what you decide I hope for the best outcome possible for you and the baby. Just take the advice and please tell your mom ASAP the sooner you tell her the better it will be. Good Luck!

Brianna - posted on 09/15/2011

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as hard as it sounds u have no choice but to tell ur mom. i no its scary trust me ive been there.. i was 20 years though and lived with my bf but i was sooo scared to tell our familys (baby was not planned) when i told me mom i just cried before i could even get the words out of my mouth, she saw how upset i was and just hugged me and told me it was gonna be ok. when i told my dad my bf was with me and i siad it and my dad stood up and i thought he was gonna punch my bf but he went to shake his had and then hugged both of us and then he started CRYING WITH HAPPINESS.. i was sooo shocked. when we told his family they are VERY religious and i thought they were gonna kill us.. well or at least yell at us but they were really happy so once again we were shocked. things will work out.. it wont be easy but you will find a way. best of luck

JuLeah - posted on 09/15/2011

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Joanna: seriously?!

This kid comes to us for help and you dump on her like that? Women in their 30’s and 40’s get pregnant following a one night stand.

Woman in their 30’s and 40’s are not sure, until the moment arrives, if they can deal raising a kid with special needs.

On the other hand, to the OP, society will dump on you for this. Somehow people think, based on your age, they have the right to judge and blame harshly and without knowing the full story.

If you don’t have it already, you are going to need to grow some tough skin. And, choose to hang out with people who will support you in a positive way.

JuLeah - posted on 09/15/2011

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Wow ... that is a hard road to walk. Many women have done it, and you will find your path



Not knowing what to do right now, in this moment, doesn't mean the answer won't come to you when you actually need it



Research your area .... teen support, it is out there - housing, medical .... there is always a way to make things happen



Your mom might be there for you as a mother should be, if not, you are strong enough to deal with this



Were I you... I'd look into open adoption. A family member of mine did that. She had a boy. His parents were there in the birthing room with her. They all wrote up a contract for what would be expected from each. If she wanted, she could never see the child, but just get pictures and up dates twice a year. She does wish to see the child, and does so every other week or so.



At his birthday, his parents and grand parents are there. His birth mom and birth grandmother ...aunt ... uncles ... all come too



There is closed adoption



Abortion is also an option for you - call planned parenthood for all info on adoption/abortion



Raising the child yourself is an option - very very hard in this culture given your age - not that a person your age can't raise a child, but this culture is not really set up for that, which makes it harder for you - can be done if you want it bad enough



Whatever you choose will be the right thing for you and your child



You must be so frightened ... there are answers, there are solutions ... it has to seem overwhelming now, but hang on and hang in there

Nesa - posted on 09/15/2011

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i was 16 when i got preg with my daughter and my sister told me the same thing. Sometimes its just hard for parents to except. the idea of thier baby having a baby. My daughters father wasnt there at all he cheated on me and everything was a very horrible man and still is. If you dont have a good support system (family, true close friends) then maybe you need to contact an adoption agency.. I know it seems horrible but you have to decide what is going to be best for the baby and in some cases giving it up is the best thing for the child. Good luck. I hope everything works out for the best

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