I'm 17 and pregnant... and I'm terrified.

Amelie - posted on 06/22/2016 ( 8 moms have responded )

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Two days ago I found out I was pregnant. I've taken three pregnancy tests since and every one of them has been positive but a part of me hasn't fully processed it.

Before you judge me, please understand. I'm not a reckless person or a party animal, I've been with my boyfriend for over three years and one night we didn't use protection. I took a morning after pill but it didn't work. So now I'm here, these last few days he and I have done nothing but cry and sit in silence. He's always been very supportive and I know he loves me but this has always been our worst fear.

I'm pro-choice and have always assumed I would abort, but it's so much harder than I could have ever imagined. Thinking about this little organism inside of me that's depending on me to survive, it's all I can think about. I'm not just another naive teenager that thinks love is all a baby needs to be okay, I know he and I are no where near ready to raise a child. We both work part-time, and I live with him and his parents. He's 21, so there's a 4 year age gap between us. We had planned on moving out of state and going back to his hometown after he finished his AA. I wanted to finish high school faster so I've been doing school online. I only have 1 more class left before I can graduate, then I want to go to community and transfer in to a university. I should probably note that he and I both work part-time, but we don't make nearly enough to raise a baby. We have three rescue cats which are work enough in themselves... I can only imagine how much money it would cost to care for a child.

I'm a little over 3 weeks pregnant now. I made an appointment at Planned Parenthood just to talk about it. I've been torturing myself by scrolling through pro-life sites, which make me feel like a murderer. My boyfriend definitely wants me to get an abortion, he's just as scared as I am.

I told my mom last night, and she took it pretty well. It really was the hardest thing I've ever had to tell her. But she was understanding and told me that it happens. I know she wants me to abort it, but she was trying to be subtle about it. I'm honestly just so humiliated, I can't imagine telling my dad, or my siblings (I have three brothers and a sister who are all 16+ years older than me). My boyfriend's family doesn't know yet, his mom is strongly against abortion, and she might disown him if she finds out.

I was thinking of going to a pregnant women's shelter? I don't know, I just really don't know what to do. I know I should abort it, but this is the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I just didn't know who to talk to, which is why I came here. Has anyone been through a similar situation? Or have any advice? I would really appreciate some support, because these last few days I've felt so alone.

8 Comments

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Emily - posted on 06/22/2016

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Hello, Amelie! I’m so sorry you’re in this situation. Do you think it might be helpful to discuss your feelings and seek support from a trusted adult? There’s too much at stake to be jumping to hasty conclusions. So don't panic, slow down and take a deep breath. Remind yourself that you have all the time you need to sift through your options and do what needs to be done.

I’ll be praying that God will provide strength, help and the guidance you need at this time. Also, do check out this insightful link: bit.ly/28WGEpJ. Hang in there!

Nadine - posted on 06/22/2016

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I had my daughter at 18, my son at 20. It was really tough. At 22 I divorced, and was a single mom (though really I always was). It was really tough, but better. At 24 I got pregnant again (on birth control) and , knowing how hard another child would be, I had an abortion. I have regretted none of those decisions, (other than marrying). While I love my children, I also know I was too young to be a mom. My youngest son has a much better mother (I had him at 28) than my first kids. I do not regret them ofcourse, because I love them and who the hell knows where life would go without them, but I was never pro-choice until I realized how hard it is having kids. Definitely go to planned parenthood. STOP with the pro-life sites, with offer propoganda, not facts. The bottom line is right now you have a growing batch of cells inside. If you let them grow into something substantial is your choice. Just so you know, abortion is a very simple procedure, if that is your choice. Having a child is tough, and will change your goals, dreams and future. That is not a bad thing, just different. Just be honest with yourself and make the best decision. Not for your boyfriend, your mother or anyone other than you. It is your body. Your life.

Jean - posted on 06/22/2016

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There will be pro and cons to keeping or not keeping.

Keeping - you will need to work out financial issues, logistics of child rearing with family and take care of this little human being. You are young, so you will be able to keep up with your baby more than an older mom. I know some single moms that went back to school to finish their degrees, just be motivated to keep going to school for a better future for you and your baby.

Not keeping - obviously after aborting, life will continue on and you won't have to take care of a child. But do make sure you are getting proper medical treatment and not physically harming yourself, as I know a woman that had an improper abortion and couldn't have children later.

It is a difficult decision to make. Another option is to give up for adoption, but personally I find that I wouldn't be able to do that...

Best of luck on whatever you decide.

Heidi - posted on 06/22/2016

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I am a pretty blunt person. So don't get offended please. I am 30 yrs old. I just now have a 5 month old lil girl! She is the love of my life. I actually did not think I would ever have a child. Was with the same guy for almost 11 yrs and I had 1 miscarriage and that was it. I left him (doesn't matter why) but met a man that showed me what love really is... anyways. I say think long and hard. But it is your choice. You an still do everything that you planned on. It just will be hard work and a lot of dedicated time. Form both you and your boyfriend. If you choose that you do not wish to raise a child right now. I say that yes there are far too many people.out there that would love the opportunity to raise a child due to the fact that they for whatever reason cannot conceive theirselves. And if Your family support you like you say they will understand your decision. Go to the planned parenthood and look closely at your options. And if you choose to keep the baby you will have the greatest blessing of your life even though it will be extremely tough at 1st. But with a great support system you can get through anything! And to be blunt l... I say this both to be rude or hurtful but when you and your boyfriend made the choice to have sex unprotected... you knew that there was that chance of making a baby. That is responsibility! The baby growing at this moment inside of you is alive and that is rightfully your responsibility. Whatever you choose it is a lifetime decision and once it's done never rethink or regret the choice... always move forward. You make the best choices you can!

Michelle - posted on 06/22/2016

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Like the other ladies have said, only you can make that choice.
I would also suggest NOT looking at the pro life sites, they are horrific and very judgmental.
Go to your appointment at planned parenthood and discuss the options.
Parenthood is hard and I would have been terrified at your age as well. I wasn't as bad as Jodi and avoiding sex but I made darn sure I didn't fall pregnant.

Jodi - posted on 06/22/2016

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I'll be honest, I would have been terrified at your age too. So terrified, in fact, that I avoided sex altogether until after I'd finished high school, LOL. Even when I found out I was pregnant for the first time at 27, it terrified me......but, it's amazing how you can get through it. Noone can decide for you what to do. Parenthood is rewarding, but it is hard. Personally, I couldn't have imagined having to do it at 17. But it is what it is, and only you can make the decision as to what is right for you. It sounds like you have your head screwed on right and a mother and boyfriend who are supportive. That is more than many your age have. I wish you well.

Amelie - posted on 06/22/2016

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I wasn't trying to justify having unprotected sex. We made a mistake, that doesn't mean we are reckless people.
I've thought about adoption, but I know myself well enough that I don't think I would be able to let go of my baby after seeing him/her.
Also, although he would want me to abort, I know he would stay either way.
Thanks for the advice.

Jodi - posted on 06/22/2016

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"Before you judge me, please understand. I'm not a reckless person or a party animal, I've been with my boyfriend for over three years and one night we didn't use protection."

Yeah, that would make you both reckless. Not judging you but want to point out that not using protection is actually reckless behaviour even though you are trying to say it isn't.

However, having said that, you shouldn't feel humiliated about this. It happens, and now you have a choice to make. Unfortunately life can be like that - it rarely goes exactly the way we plan it. If you genuinely feel you can't raise this baby, you still have a choice to either abort or adopt. There are plenty of people out there who can't have babies who could provide a loving and stable home to a child. If you really feel you still want connection, you could talk to an adoption agency about an open adoption.

An appointment with Planned Parenthood is a good idea - you can talk to someone about ALL of your options and make an informed decision. Your boyfriend should be involved in this decision too, but he also needs to understand that the choice is yours....and if he will only stick around if you choose abortion, then he isn't a keeper. He should stand by you whatever the choice and you should be able to discuss it and be respectful about one another's feelings on this.

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