I'm 17, pregnant and very scared.

Allison - posted on 01/04/2012 ( 70 moms have responded )

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I'm 17 (turning 18 in a month) and my boyfriend is 20 and I just found out that I'm pregnant. My family knows and so does my boyfriend's family. My mother is wanting me to get an abortion and gets angry when I talk about wanting to keep the baby. She says that she'll support me no matter what I choose but I can tell she's hesitant about me having it. My boyfriend's family is being very supportive and have already offered to help throughout the pregnancy and when the baby is born.

I'm scared. I know I'm not ready to be a mother and I know it'll be very tough for me and for my family and my boyfriend's but I know we can get through it. I don't know if I can do that to my boyfriend, I don't want him to have to give up his freedom for my choice but he said he'll support me no matter what.

If someone can give me some advice or share your own story to help me make a choice that'd be great.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tam - posted on 01/05/2012

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I doubt that throwing around inflammatory phrases about murder is helping in this discussion. Allison asked for advice and personal stories, yet it seems like people are getting up in arms about something that is very likely not in the proper place for discussion. A quote from the original post:

"My mother is wanting me to get an abortion and gets angry when I talk about wanting to keep the baby. She says that she'll support me no matter what I choose but I can tell she's hesitant about me having it."

I think perhaps judgement on a controversial, yet perfectly legal medical procedure should be relegated to another discussion, and this thread used to try to help a scared young woman with what she asked for in the first place instead of attempting to frighten her into obeying the biases and opinions of others here. Ultimately, it is her choice what she does. We as mothers know that even in the best of circumstances, we are subject to judgement, ridicule, and harsh words from others. This is not the time nor the place for it.

Peoples' hearts may be in the right place, but in the end, try to place yourself in her shoes. More fear, blame, and guilt is not what is needed here.

Ez - posted on 01/04/2012

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God knows all about this baby its a great gift from God to have a child,if you would have an abortion you will have to answer for this one day, only God takes life not us.



Ok can we PLEASE leave your gods out of this. How do you know if Allison believes in any deity at all, let alone the same one you do. Trying to scare her with a god's wrath is repulsive.

Ez - posted on 01/05/2012

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** Mod Warning **

Tam is exactly right. If you want to debate abortion and religion's place in reproductive rights, please start another thread. This one is about a scared young lady who is after advice and support.

Erin - TWP Mod

Laura - posted on 01/04/2012

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I got preg at 17 and when i found out i knew that if i was big enough to be having sex that i was big enough to take care of the baby there was no thought of giving the baby up or having an abortion.. i am now a mommy of THREE beautiful children 2 boys and a little girl and there is no better feeling knowing that you brought that precious baby into the world yes it gets VERY hard at some points but thats just something you go through. personally i think if u were to not keep that baby you could regret it for a very LONG time

Ez - posted on 01/04/2012

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You seem to be a very clear-headed young girl, so congratulations on that! The only thing I will say is that this decision must be yours, and yours alone. Everyone else can walk away, go on with their lives (not saying they will, but they can) but you are the one who must live with this choice.



I am pro-choice, and think that abortion is a perfectly reasonable option for someone in your position. But don't let yourself be coerced into it. Not even by your mother.



If you choose to keep your baby, be prepared to do it on your own and think of any extra help as a nice bonus. There are resources out there for young mothers, so it might be helpful to locate them before making your final decision. How far along are you? Do you have time to really look into all of your options?



Whatever you choose, I sincerely wish you the best of luck.

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Priya - posted on 01/05/2012

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I will tell you t get absortion because this is not your age as of now ,second things now he is supporting you , but later on he will be not doing it, kindly listen to your mom & she will help you up because she is the mother.to guide you what is wrong or rite ? & keeping the realation you should never cross your limits with you loved one ,when the person is trying to ask you for some thing so you should understand that this person will not support me , but i thank to your boyfrien who is supporting you as of now,then it will be very difficult for you in your scholl time, ur college & ur future ,

Ez - posted on 01/05/2012

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** Mod Alert **

Ok, enough. The OP hasn't come back to this thread for some time, and is it any wonder?! I am locking it up since clearly nobody has taken notice of the two other warnings posted.

Erin - TWP Mod

Jennifer - posted on 01/05/2012

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I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time and are scared. I was scared, too, with my first pregnancy. Granted, I wasn't a teen, I was 22 but I wasn't married and the father lived in a different state, we had met online and then in person a few times.

My first thought was that I had to have an abortion. I thought about it and decided I just couldn't do that. Adoption was a thought, too. Thought about that one for a while but also decided against it. I couldn't get the picture of a baby out of my mind. My parents were VERY against it, called me names and things like that. I knew that I would not be supported by them.

I was not ready to be a mother. He was not ready to be a father, either. It was very, very scary.

Motherhood is the hardest job there is but it's also the most rewarding. If you have a support system I think you should do what YOU think is the best thing for you to do.



My "accident" is now 13, his dad and I have been married 12 yrs and we also have a 4 yr old. Sometimes mistakes can turn out for the best. I wish you the best and hope you know that whatever you decide is okay for you. :-)

Starla - posted on 01/05/2012

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Allison, first of all thank you for being brave enough for posting this and for considering the life of your unborn child. My mom was unwed and scared and her family was certainly not excited about anyway having a baby outside of marriage. So she made an appointment. An appointment to abort me. But 10 minutes before she was supposed to leave for it she changed her mind!!!
I am in tears begging you to please don't have an abortion. I know that like my mom is now you will be grateful every single day that you did not have that child killed. My mom would have had to live with my death every day of her life and I so don't want that mental and emotional heartache for you if you were to make that choice for the life inside of you. Please let your baby live. When you stop to think about what the literally do to the baby I'm sure you would never choose that for yours no matter how afraid you are. Whether you choose to raise your child or give him or her to a loving family, you can do this. Thankful for life, Starla

Janice - posted on 01/05/2012

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Hi I fell pregnant at 17 and my boyfriend was 22.both our parents were shocked but very supportive. I turned 18 on the 17th Jan and she was born on 22nd Jan. In Aug I celebrated my 25th wedding anniversary with her dad and we still love eac other like we did then and Lucille is a gorgeous woman of 24yrs old. It was tough but we perservered and made the most of it. I wish you all the best.......:-)

Shannon - posted on 01/05/2012

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Here is my story, i got pregnant at 16 was a model and living a grand life i chose to have my baby and had no support from the dad or his family my family was great. It was hard very hard no matter how much help or support you have at that age. I dont regret it one bit even though i lost my youth my freedom my modeling contract and began a life of being responsible for another humanbeing. *NO REGRETS* A year and ahalf later i was on my second marriage (first lasted 6mos) and pregnant again and decided not to have another baby at the age of 18 and in a very rocky relationship i terminated my pregnancy and never regretted it not even once to this day and im 41 yrs old. I did have another child a year and a half after that and even married with his support and 20 yrs old it was never easy. My daughters father came back around when she was 18 he gave up nothing i never asked him to...i have two wonderful successful children 24 and 21 and i am so happy i had them, the pregnancy i terminated in between them well i dont regret that either.i did what was best for me and i can live with..its all about YOUR choice no one can help u make it and no one should judge you for yours. I will say even though u may have a very strong relationship with the dad, things can and usually do change when u bring a baby into it. Iwish u all the best in your endeavors..

Kathy - posted on 01/05/2012

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Search your heart and pray in due time God will bring you the answer best for you and your unborn child. It's not about losing his freedom anymore after all he is 50% to blame as anyone in this whole situation...baby's take 2 people to make them and 2 people will now be forced to GROW-UP in the next 9 months!

Kendra - posted on 01/05/2012

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Abortion is murdering an inocent life, if you don't feel that you are ready to be a mom look in to adoption.

Kendra - posted on 01/05/2012

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Abortion is murdering an inocent life, if you don't feel that you are ready to be a mom look in to adoption.

Abi - posted on 01/05/2012

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Have you ever considered adoption? If you feel you are not ready to be a mom, that might be a good option. I would love to discuss with you further. I could tell you lots and lots of successful adoption stories. Good luck to you! I have four kids and would love to talk to you. My email is jatlnc@comcast.net. I will be praying for you!! No matter what you decide you are going to need support. Email me!

Abi Smith

Heather - posted on 01/05/2012

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Remember the choice is yours whatever you decide, seek help from others. You will know in your heart what you want or need to do. Do not let others make you feel bad or guilty no matter what you decide. Remember children are a lifelong commitment, and yes there are a lot of families that would be happy to have a baby to call their own.

I send you prayers,
Heather

Candice - posted on 01/05/2012

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Adoption is always an option if you feel you are not ready for mommyhood yet. You would have to have your boyfriend's consent, but that should not be a problem. I remember seeing a quote about this once where a woman was asking God why we did not have a doctor smart enough to come up with cures for cancers and AIDS and things like that, and God's response was that He had sent the very children who would eventually discover these things, but they had been aborted. :( Some family would be very happy to raise your baby if you are not ready, and there is nothing wrong with that decision. I even know a woman who did this 16 years ago, when she was in high school, and she recently got in touch with her child. He had always known he was adopted, and now he lives with her.

Heather - posted on 01/05/2012

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Your baby is NOT an it. It's a human being. I had a few friends that I went to high school with who had abortions and all of them regretted. Have your baby. There is a lot of help out there for you, your mom, and your boyfriend to help you raise your little boy or girl.

Maybe you could give your baby up for adoption? Maybe an open adoption so that you can hear from the family about how your baby is doing from time to time? There are so many families out there who would love to adopt a baby who can't have children.

Misty - posted on 01/05/2012

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My Pastor once said "there are NO accidental babies, there are sometimes accidental parents" meaning every baby conceived God planned and wants them to come into the world. When you said you don't want your boyfriend to lose his freedom over YOUR choice I think that is very wrong. HE CHOSE TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU THEREFORE HE CHOSE TO RISK THE CONSEQUENCE OF GETTING PREGNANT. It takes 2 to make a baby and he needs to be responsible. Don't give up your baby just for him you'll regret it. Yes it'll be hard but it's hard whether your 17 or 40 that parenthood, the hardest job you'll ever love :)

Jennifer - posted on 01/05/2012

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don't think about it- just be very grateful - having a baby is the best thing in the world - do not have an abortion- embrace the adventure of having a baby. you are blessed. Your boyfriend will become a man when he has a child you couldn't do anything better for him then giving him a baby

Kristy - posted on 01/05/2012

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By the way...beware of Planned Parenthood. They actually push mothers towards abortion (can you believe that?!) ...caring way more about making money off you than helping you and your baby.

Kristy - posted on 01/05/2012

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I will be praying for you, your boyfriend, your unborn child (whom you will LOVE :) and your families hearts. Please know that the "choice" to stop a beating heart/take an innocent life will only ruin you emotionally...the rest of your days :( Once a new life is involved (no matter how small), I don't believe there is any other choice but to dignify your unborn child's life by acknowledging that he/she IS a person...and allow them to live. Even if you do give he/she up for adoption...or choose to raise your miracle. Please don't be scared. I WILL truly be praying that God intervene here and give you guidance. He loves you AND your boyfriend and baby :)

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I was 17 and about 3 months from graduation when I found out I was pregnant. The father was also 17, but was a junior in high school. While abortion never crossed my mind, I had a choice between adoption and keeping the baby. The father (now my husband) always wanted to keep it. While either choice is up to you, I ended up keeping my son, now 10, and haved loved it ever since. I decided that no one could care for him as well as I could, and couldn't even take the super small chance that he could end up in a bad home. It was really hard, but having support of both families made it easier. We were able to go to college and eventually get married and move into our own house. We are doing great and also have a 6 year old. You should be fine, and with his side being supportive, and you mom will come around, I say you should think about keeping the baby.

Chelsey - posted on 01/05/2012

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Although adoption may be emotionally draining for you, it is a better option than abortion. Abortion does not help anyone, and only ends a life before it has started. Because your families seem to be encouraging, I feel that you should consider keeping the child or giving it up for adoption. This was the child is allowed to live! Either way is your choice, and if you put your mind to it, I'm sure you two will make great parents!

Sylvie - posted on 01/05/2012

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I am know 31 and have my 5th baby on the way.I got pregnant at 16 was 100percent sure to have and keep my son. I never taught of having an abortion because children no matter how they came to be are a gift from God.Sometimes life is not fun but God has a way of taking something and turn it for the good. Believe me it will work out.If I had a baby at 16 and my son is now a 14 teen year old you can do this at 18.And I didn't have any support from the father but God gave me a wonderful husband that loved my son like his own.Life is full of surprises but have faith.God is for you but you must look to him for help.Blessing

Lori - posted on 01/05/2012

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I was 17 when I got pregnant and had my son a month after I turned 18. I was scared too but I had the support of family which it sounds like u do too. I knew the moment I found out I was pregnant that I was keeping the baby. It is a difficult decision and life can present obstacles but I would never have changed a thing. My son just turned 18 last month and I could not imagine life without him. Me and his dad stayed together until he was 5. It may work out with u and ur boyfriend or it may not. Don't worry about his freedom cuz the min he decided to start having sex with u he knew he took the chance of pregnancy. Don't let anyone else push u to a decision. Think about what u want n what u want to do. Where there's a will there's a way. When they put that baby in ur arms for the first time and u see that little face, ur just filled with joy and love. Having a baby young doesn't mean ur life is over, u can accomplish whatever u put ur mind to. My son is my life n I wouldn't have it any other way!

VICKIE - posted on 01/05/2012

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My sister had her first at 18 and our mother passed away a year before that and people had plenty to say but me and my husband stood by her side even though I was only 25 with a 2 year old and had to also take in our 10 year old brother. All 5 of us in a 2 bedroom house that I had purchased a few years before but we made it work. My sister went to college and worked and she is now 29 with 3 kids and has been doing it on her own for 9 years since I relocated to a different city. Just ask God for guidance and continue to pray and keep God first. I pray for you and your family and wish you guys all the best. Congrads because children are a Blessing.

Ann - posted on 01/05/2012

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Your mom will come around my mom did and she loves Ezekiel and helps out want she can!! Im glad at your boyfriend family is going to help out at great. If you pray may be GOD will help u out. I dont like abortion or adoption. killing a baby is just so sad and giving him or her to a different family is happy in a way. but sad because she or he will never know you. or if they try to find u its so hard im still trying to find my family

Susan - posted on 01/05/2012

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I thank GOD for the woman who made the decision to allow me to adopt her daughter. It is and always has been an open adoption. My daughter is now 28 and knows both her MOM's and DAD's. She is part of a very large extended family.

Donna - posted on 01/05/2012

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I was pregnant with my first at 18, miscarried and got pregnant again 2 months later with my daughter. I had her at 19. I was married and we didn't have to worry about money. I found it every easy to be a young mom and would never do things differently. I am glad you don't want to have an abortion. If you find you can't keep the baby then look in to private adoption. It sounds like you will have a lot of support if you do keep the baby and I think you will be a wonderful mom.

Jessie - posted on 01/05/2012

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Hang in there. And choose the decision that is right for you, not your mother. Ultimately it's you that has to live with it. If abortion isn't for you, there are other options such as adoption. There are also various colleges with programmes for single mothers. Heres an example of one: http://www.singleparentcollegeprograms.o... . It is NOT the end of the world, but it could be the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

Lorraine - posted on 01/05/2012

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All i have to offer is i had my 1st child at aged 17 and i dont regret it for one single minute. Although i was frowned upon and people thought i wouldnt cope, i did cope and its amazing how having a baby can make you take a different outlook on life, i had my next baby when i was 21 and my last one when i was 28, im now 45 and am so glad to have started my family as i know i will have plenty of years to be a grandmother when my babies become parents. Good luck with it all and all the very best in whatever decision you choose to make xxxx

Andrea - posted on 01/05/2012

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First of all, RELAX! You are not the first, nor will you be the last to find herself in this position. There are options for you and unless you choose to have an abortion, you have lots of time to make your decision. You must think of yourself and your baby when you make your choice and forget the input of those who try to make the choice for you. I was your age when I got pregnant with my daughter. I married her dad, but if this is not something you are ready for, don't do it yet. The truth is, that even though there are times of frustration, feelings of inadequacy, and times when you are flat broke because you haven't finished college yet - it really has been a great life and I would do it all again. We stayed together and have 3 kids. Forget all the people who are saying things like "It will be such a hard life for you" etc. Duh, motherhood is a tough business, everyone knows that. The most important thing for you to consider is your potential regrets when you make your choice. What can you live with? Abortion and adoption are permanent decisions, ones you can never take back. You have to think about YOUR emotional well being as well as what is best for your baby. When I made my choice I knew I didn't want to live with regrets. Yeah, things aren't easy when you are a young Mom, or an older Mom for that matter. Remember, you can always work a little harder every day to make your life what you want it to be, who you take with you on your journey is up to you!

DeAnne - posted on 01/05/2012

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If you decide to keep the baby.. things I would start doing: Not sure where you are living at but I would find your local Planned Parenthood type of place. Find out about medical? Are you covered under your parents insurance. Find all the local places that help mothers. Go to "meetup" on the web and find a group in your area for local mommy groups. This could be a great resource for clothes, furniture.. etc. Also it will be a great resource for support. Also Garage sales are a great place to get stuff for the baby cheap. Get a spreadsheet going of your goals. Do you know what you want to do for a career? If you dont, figure it out quick. I suggest something in the medical world as it will give you great medical benefits and you really wont ever have to worry about lay offs. Just a suggestion... I found its hard to get a job while you are pregnant so maybe look at babysitting for now.. Every penny will help right?, Dog walking.. etc.. Since you are taking online courses for high school.. maybe you can also take some college General Ed courses as well and get a head start? Talk to your school counseler and see if you take any college courses if it would go towards your high school diploma.. Maybe you can graduate early??? :) If it was me I would have a huge spreadsheet/word doc of how you are going to get where you need to be to be able to support you and your baby. (school costs, clothing, baby costs, daycare, etc) Give your parents a detailed 5 year plan of how serious you are about your future and your babys future. It could help with them supporting you even more. Have both you and your parents and bf parents and bf write up what they expect of you and what they are willing to help you with then write up a contract.. Kind of I promise to...blah blah blah...
If you do something like this... Make sure you ask for at least one day/night a month for someone to babysit so you can get out.. You will need this just to regroup.

Never rely on the bf... If he's there? Fantastic! But always be prepared to do this on your own. If for whatever reason you break up is his family still willing to help? Ask these questions...Get all of your what if's out on paper. Ask your bf to do the same spreadsheet of his goals to be able to support this baby. I wish you luck! I hope whatever you decide to do was because you made the decission and not because someone else talked you into something.

Megan - posted on 01/05/2012

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I was a couple years older but feel your pain when you say scared, I was 19 and he was 22. I decided I couldnt live with myself and look around at other babies knowing I should have one that same age. It was not easy by any means, but I remember when I was in the hospital w/ my daughter my whole mindset changed. The whole time I was pregnant it didn't really hit me...I was still young & all about me. Then in the hospital day 2 she spiked a fever & suddenly my whole world was all about protecting her, and has been ever since. Things were hard, I did loose a lot of friends b/c they didn't understand, but it still doesn't phase me b/c I have raised an amazing child. I had help from my family (none from him or his family), and went on to get 2 college degrees, marry someone else who adopted her & have another child.
My biggest advice to you is: you can do it, it wont be easy but it will make you stronger and then you can look back and help someone who is facing similar struggles. My motto: Everything happens for a reason, we just have to figure out why and maybe its to help someone else get through the same thing.
Also, talk to other mothers (preferrably that have had children recently) so you can be prepared for the "normals" of pregnancy and post partum. For example: I would just start crying at the littlest things in the first week postpartum, I thought I was crazy but then with the second one I could laugh at myself knowing it would soon pass & I wasn't crazy :)
Its possible and never under estimate a mother's power to make things happen even when all the cards are stacked against her....because she has a child to protect.

Lily - posted on 01/05/2012

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oh girl well what´s done is done now you´ll have to face it as a growing up woma, you was mature enoug for making it then why would you be scare, have the baby that has not done anything to you or ask for coming to this world, be a woman now and race your baby, same for the father.

Trisha - posted on 01/05/2012

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Hi Allison, The most important gift you can give your child - is a loving caring Mom, who will support them thru out their life. I was an illegitimate and unwanted child and it made my life a virtual hell. I was abused in everyway you can be abused. Placing the child's wellbeing foremost, that's what makes one a good parent. Understand that the child you have maybe disabled and you need to be ready for that also. We are never garunteed a healthy baby. My daughter has Cerebral Palsy, and the kind of time a disabled child takes is astronomical. There is no shame in not being ready to be a parent or having the support it takes. There is no garuntee that your boyfriends family will continue to be supportive if you guys break up. Make the best decision for you and the baby. An abortion is a kinder alternative than the kind of hell an unwanted child can have. I always let my daughter know if she got pregnant and abortion was fine - if that's what she wanted. If not I was there to support her and the child. No reservations. But I am strange - I took in other peoples unwanted kids. Most people are super happy to get rid of the kids they have so they can return to their lives of doing what they want with their time. I have never figured out why they had kids in the first place. Hugs - Trisha

Amy - posted on 01/05/2012

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I was 21 when I got pregnant and have had an abortion prior in my teens. I will say my daughter is the best thing in my life. The thing is you cannot imagine how hard it is. You have to look at it as can you do it by yourself? Your boyfriend my not be there in the future. I left mine after 3 years and have been on my own since. I believe alot of girls wont go thru an abortion because they are scared of it. It is not the horrific, traumatic experience people imagine. Physically its not worse than a bad period. Emotionally it is hard but over time you will move on. Right now you are thinking about how you feel now and you need to look into the future. Are you able to support the child? You cannot rely on anyone but yourself. That is the truth. My mom helped me out alot but I was on my own. You give up alot of life experiences, freedoms and choices. However my daughter is the best kid I know and I of course now would not change that. But I am glad I didn't have my first child. I was even younger and who knows how I would have done. Would I wish I waited for even my perfect child now...yes. If I could have had her even 4 years later we would have been better off. I would have been done with college and been better off to take care of her.

Sarah - posted on 01/05/2012

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Basically you have three options available to you. You can abort the baby, keep the baby, or give the baby up for adoption. The first two are pretty self-explanatory, the third has two options in itself, closed adoption, and open adoption. In closed adoptions, the adoptive family is secret from you, and you from them. You will not have contact with the baby (not to say 18 years later or more that that person won't try to seek you out), or there is open adoption. In this process, the birth mother often gets to select the family that adopts the baby (the agency will have profiles to select from), and the birth mother may get to have some involvement in the child's life. She may simply get yearly updates on the child's progress, or even some visits with the family, birthdays, etc.

Remember this - You can only make the best decision at any given time with the information that you have available to you. Having said this, increase the information available to you. Does your high school have daycare available? If so, see if you can meet with some teen moms and talk to them for a while. You can see what struggles they deal with on a daily basis. You may also want to speak to someone who has had an abortion and ask them if it's a decision they regretted or were happy they made. You can also contact an adoption agency (one that does open adoptions). Ask if you can meet with parents who adopted a baby, and perhaps even a mom who gave her child up for adoption. Ask them how that decision affected their lives.

Motherhood is a huge challenge. It challenges your body, your patience, your energy, your finances, your relationship, your friendships, and your temper. There are many sacrifices that are usually made by young mothers in particular, including (typically, but not always) sacrificing or delaying education, which statistically leads to lower-income earners. As a result, sacrificing housing, plentiful food, bonuses like movies, dates, clothing, toys, travel, etc. Statistically, children born to teen mothers will also become teen mothers, continuing the cycle of poverty. Also something to consider (though not always true) is that most people who meet as teenagers don't necessarily "make it" as a couple, and financial strain is the #1 reason couples break up.

Having said the, motherhood can also be hugely rewarding with endless daily rewards. Sometimes they're as simple and as small as a smile, other times, as grandiose as a reward your child might win. You need to consider what your values are. You say you're not ready to be a mother. Is your partner ready to be a father? You said he's okay with any decision you make, although this seems supportive, it also isolates you in this decision, because it's not one that affects you alone. In any mature relationship, there are two opinions, and decisions are made together for the best of both parties. Get some information together, discuss your options, and make a decision based on your mutual needs, values, and wants.

Good luck to you no matter what you decide is right. I truly hope that you are content with whatever your decision is.

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Hi. I was in a similar situation but I was 16 and my boyfriend was 19 or 20. My boyfriend and my Dad wanted me to give mine up for adoption. My mother encouraged me to keep her. I wanted too. I've always wanted to be a Mom and I was fine with it being a little early. When you decide to become a mother you decide to become an adult. I will not encourage abortion, I believe it is murder. But if you don't feel like you have the support you will need and you aren't ready to do it, someone loving would be overjoyed to take on your little one. There are open adoptions where you could be a part of your child growing up. Adoption was never an option for me. I gave birth to my daughter and I have never loved anyone more in my life. Motherhood is instantly such an overwhelming feeling. A little while later I was able to get my G.E.D. and then I went on to get my C.N.A. the next year. Then I worked and was out on my own by the time I was 18. My boyfriend was kind of supportive but mostly just holding me down emotionaly and didn't have much interest in a relationship with his daughter at the time. Needless to say, I made it without him. Just fine. I did it all so quickly because I had the financial and emotional support of my mother. Then later WIC, and food stamps, and medicaid were a big help for the first while. You can do it on your own for sure, just find friends in similar situations, but it'll go alot slower for you. HAving a child is a beautiful thing, I hope you choose adoption or to keep the baby. She/He deserves a chance at life! ♥

Lynn - posted on 01/05/2012

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I got pregnant when I was 18, and I knew that my 28 year old boyfriend was not someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, so I had an abortion. It was a hard decision, because I love kids, but it was the right choice for me, and I have never regretted it. (I did actually marry the guy, and divorced him 3 years later. Never heard from him since, except from his creditors, looking for him.)
I am now married, with a ten year old son and an eight year old daughter, that I love with all my heart (I'm 41 now). I've worked with kids for 23 years, and I knew how much work and expense they were, so I waited until I was financially stable to have them.
I had considered adoption, and I wish that I could have helped out a couple who really could have taken care of that child, but I just couldn't bring myself to have the baby and give it up. I have taken care of several adopted children in my home preschool, and that is a wonderful gift to give someone.
My sister was 28 when she got pregnant (unplanned), and thought her boyfriend would stay with her. She had her son, and they broke up when he was two years old. They've always struggled financially, and her boyfriend left the state and never pays child support or sees their son (he's 11 now). They spent years in and out of court and mediation, and he only pays child support when they catch him working, then he quits or works for cash, and the cycle starts again. So, no matter when your boyfriend says now about staying with you and suporting the baby, you just don't know what can happen later on.
If you don't feel you're ready, you may be right. You just need to weight all the options, and do what you feel is right for you. You're already doing the right thing in asking for advice. Research all your options, and then you'll know what to do. Good luck in whatever you decide.

KImberley - posted on 01/05/2012

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Adoption is another choice. The adoptive parents usually pay all medical, and will even share pics if you want. Your in my prayers

Tnc2_dst - posted on 01/05/2012

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Have faith just believe everything will work out! This is a blessing from God! :) I'm proff I was once you and I still graduated high school and college. I gave birth to my son at age of 18 and I wouldn't trade him for the world. Your life doesn't end because of child it just your priority are different now. You have many assistance program such as college day care.

Danielle - posted on 01/05/2012

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Allison, I first want to Congratulate you on your pregnancy. Having a Baby is the most rewarding thing God could ever give someone. It seems clear to me that you have already made up your mind as to what you are going to do... Keep it. Raising a child is never easy, wether you are rich or poor, but you will survive. You can still achieve your goals, and you can make a wonderful life for you and your baby. God will never give you more than you can handle. I promise! Just by reaching out for help and advice, shows that you will be a Great Mom, and I applaude you for that. I hope that if you do keep your child, that you will love and protect him/her with everything you have.

Krista - posted on 01/05/2012

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Erin is right. The OP needs support and practical suggestions, not sermons and threats.

Tone it down, ladies.

Krista
WTCOM Moderator

Kari - posted on 01/05/2012

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Adoption is always a great option, since there are many loving couples out there that are unable to have their own children. If you decide to keep the baby it won't be easy, but as long as you have a good support system, it won't be impossible. I was 19 when I had my first son and it was the best thing ever. You have to do what you thinkis best with your situation! I truly do believe in a womans choice to choose!

[deleted account]

We adopted our son almost three years ago. I consider him our miracle and his birthmom our angel. We have an open adoption with his birthmom and birthdad as well as grandmother. I'm reading your post and feeling that you want this baby. If you do then I would suggest starting to seriously prepare now. You are strong enough to do it. If you don't want to parent then I would ask to please consider adoption. Lots of couples are waiting to be chosen. I would never ask someone who wants to parent to place their child for adoption, even if it will be a difficult situation. But I would beg and plead for someone to consider adoption over abortion. I know it's your body and a lot for you to endure but please think of it from the point of view of someone who will never experience pregnancy.

Tam - posted on 01/04/2012

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You may be young, but young does not equal weak. You already have the two most important thing for a mother-to-be to have, regardless of age: A head on your shoulders and a good support system.



I can give you advice all day, as can anyone here. However, only you can decide what is right for you and your particular situation. I CAN tell you this, though. When I got pregnant at age 19, I was unmarried but full-time employed, as was my husband (he was a boyfriend at the time). I told him about the pregnancy, then gave him two options. Stick around, or walk away. I told him if he walked away, that would be it - he would never have to worry about the baby again, because then it would be MY baby and he would sever his rights.



He chose to stay. But the first words out of his mouth was, "We aren't ready for this." And you know what?



He was right. But luckily, a pregnancy spans approximately ten months in total. We weren't ready at week four when we found out, but we took it upon ourselves to educate ourselves, examine all angles, and learn all that we could about it. We started buying diapers in advance so we had a stockpile. We looked into what other people did in regards to breastfeeding versus formula. Examined parenting techniques we might want to try. We got onto WIC. We started saving more, spending less. We underwent and entire paradigm shift. Most importantly, we kept an open dialogue with more experienced parents and our own parents too.



One of the things we DIDN'T do, though, is get married right away. In my opinion, I would caution you not to jump into two life-changing decisions within one year. A baby will throw your life as you know it into chaos. Adding the stress of the expectations of marriage may do more to sour your relationship with your boyfriend than help it. But then again... maybe not. I got married to the father of my son when my boy was about nine months old. We've been together for eight years now, and I am certain that if we'd have just jumped in, we likely wouldn't have made it as long.



Anything worth doing, is worth doing well. And anything worth having is worth the pain and tears it takes to get there. Having a child definitely makes you change your priorities and your behavior, but it isn't necessarily a bad thing.



The truth is, you are almost at the age of majority. Your mother can be upset all she wants, but in the end, it is you who lives with your choice, be it abortion, adoption, or keeping the child. Don't let anyone influence your decision in this matter. I've helped a friend make the difficult choice of aborting her unplanned pregnancy and even two years later, she has told me that it was the best decision she could have made. I've also been with another friend who became pregnant with a man who left her, and she kept the child. Her daughter is now six months old and she couldn't be happier, despite the hardships having a baby can bring. What really matters is what you will do with your most important choice. As a teenager, I know it is hard to ignore your influences and do what is best you you alone, but it can be done. It should be done.



And remember, if your boyfriend is 20, then he knows damn well what is possible when two people have sex. He made his choice when he slept with you, just as you made your choice when you slept with him. The fact that you have an additional choice of going through with the birth or aborting it has no bearing on this.



Remember also, if you choose to give the child up for adoption, he has to relinquish his parental rights as well. There are very few men who state they are willing to stand by their pregnant, unwed significant others who are going to do that.



Remember, when you have the baby, if that is what you choose to do, the person responsible for that new life is YOU. Not mom. Not his mom. You, and if his name is on the birth certificate, your boyfriend. This is an eighteen year commitment that you can't lay down. There will be up-all-nights, there will be colds that go round and round the home, there will be doctors appointments and shots. Skinned knees. Frustration. Expensive things, like car seats and clothes the baby will wear for less than a month before growing out of them.



But there will be joy. It starts the moment you begin coming out of the shock of discovering your condition. Soon enough, you'll feel flutters that turn into kicks. It becomes REAL, and you start wondering what that little person will be like when you finally meet. Childbirth, while scary, is something we as women have been doing for time immemorial. The first time you hear the baby coo will delight you. You'll watch the baby discover his or her fist, then realize that he or she has control of that limb and you'll witness the first reaction they have to everything: What does this taste like?!



I can hardly describe what it feels like to watch a child try to stand for the first time or how sweet it still feels to hear the words, "Mommy, I love you" randomly through the day. It really makes the morning sickness worth it, in hindsight. My pregnancy was completely unplanned and I was blindsided. Me, who never planned on having kids. Me, who lived a life carefree of familial obligations up to that point. And now, I can't imagine my life turning out any other way.



If I may be so bold, you don't seem as though you want to give up the child in any way. You said as much in your original post. You might have already made that crucial decision. If so, your next step is to get a doctor and begin educating yourself on the whole process. Find out from your mother what sort of things run in the family in regards to pregnancy. Some people are at higher risk for gestational diabetes, chronic morning sickness (I have that, it sucks) and other things. Your doctor will want a complete medical history on you and the father of the baby, as well as any possible genetic conditions in your family. You'll likely have questions throughout the process, so get a notebook to write them down. Your mind starts to go a little if you are anything like me. Brainfarts abound. I am pregnant right now and I was picking my son up from school with my husband the other day and almost panicked because I couldn't see him in the car as we pulled up to the parking lot...he was in the school waiting to get picked up.



If you need anyone to talk to or you'd like any more insight, feel free to either message me or drop me an email at azakias@gmail.com



It's easy to feel all alone, but remember, anyone with children has been in your shoes in one form or another. Just remember that there is help out there. All you need to do is reach for it.

Helen - posted on 01/04/2012

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I was a mom at 17 and yes it was hard but nothing compares to the love a child brings. My Husband and I had a lot of challenges to face . But with love and support from friends and family you can get through this . As for your choice your the one who has to carry this baby and its you decsion.I'm now 36 and have two beautiful children. I'm a nurse and a wife with my husband for 17 years we were married when our son was a baby . Your just have to work hard for what u want . But your goals are always reachable ..

Cynthia - posted on 01/04/2012

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Don't be afraid its, just take all the advice you can you young but don't get an abortion, You should be proud his parents and he is there for you just try hard and hold on God knows all about this baby its a great gift from God to have a child,if you would have an abortion you will have to answer for this one day, only God takes life not us. I just had my first grand child out of wed lock and I am so proud I support both mother and father to take care of this child, your mother will one day understand this is a beautiful gift.Good Luck.

Christy - posted on 01/04/2012

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Allison, you will never regret giving your child the gift of life. Though abortion may seem the easier choice right now, what people don't tell you is the long term affects it leaves on you as a person, emotionally and mentally, not to mention the physical dangers of harming your body. Nine months may seem like a long time to sacrifice, but its fleeting in retrospect to the life that your child could live. If your scared about caring for the baby, adoption is a great alternative and some agencies/families will allow you to see your baby upon request. Who knows, you could be pregnant with the next world changer? :)

Cassandra - posted on 01/04/2012

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Keep your child it's clear to me you want to! Look us abortion and do a lot of research at the abortion that would be preformed! It's horrific! I think your baby shoal have a chance at life wether it be with you or adopted out! At 18 yes raising this child will be hard but nothing in life that is worth it is easy! The fruit of the womb is a gift from God!! You can do this! Get tour family together and tell them how it is, let them know you will need their support and with their support you will give them the vest gift a daughter can give a beautiful precious perfect grandbaby!!! I'm prayin for you and that your baby lives so you can experience true lI've at first sight!! Being a mother well there is just nothing better in this world! Having an abortion does not make you unpregnant it makes you the mother of a dead baby and I honestly don't think this is what you want!! God will guide you!

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