I'm a 25 yo mother of 2 boys- am I a bad mother for wanting a weekend to go shopping?

Maribel - posted on 03/28/2013 ( 30 moms have responded )

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I'm a 25 year old mother of two boys, 8 and 4. I had my first son when I had barely turned 17. Before that, my mom was overprotective of me in my point of view so I didn't really ever have a girl's night out or something similar. I've dedicated my life to my boys and taken care of them. I don't like leaving my boys just to anybody so I never go out. It's really hard for me to ask anybody to babysit. I would like to go shopping with a friend for the weekend just me and her because every time I try to go out to buy some clothes for me I end up buying things for my boys. By the time we come out of the store everything in the cart is for them. Now that I want to go with my friend shopping for the weekend my mom starts saying comments that make me feel like I'm a bad mother and she makes it seem like I don't want my kids. Is it really wrong to want a weekend off?

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Larissa - posted on 04/01/2013

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You need to take the time for yourself, just to relax and not have to worry about your boys for a while. Taking some time out does NOT make you a bad mother and you deserve a weekend.

With that sort of thinking, I must be the worst mother in the world, I'm a stay at home mum with my boys, the 4 year old goes to kindy 2 days a week and my littlest, 14 months, starts one day a week soon. As much as I'll miss him, I can't wait to be able to do the groceries solo, cleaning everything properly without worrying about him getting into the toilet cleaner, finishing all the projects around the house that need finishing, starting another uni degree and even, *gasp* sitting down in a café with a coffee and a trash mag for 15 mins.

AND I'm also a big believer in kids having some time away from mum too, learning a bit of independence, making new friends in different settings.

So have your weekend and enjoy....

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/06/2013

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~~MoD Warning~~

Please refrain from personal attacks ladies. I have already deleted one comment, and if I have to delete more, this thread will be locked to further comments.

~MoD Little Miss~

Melanie - posted on 04/02/2013

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I too was a young mom (I was 18 when I had my son). I am now 31 with two babes and I would tell you, there is no harm in leaving your boys for a weekend, regardless of what you're doing (of course, whatever it is, meaning responsible activities). My husband and I have mini weekend vacations every now & then and I've also spent days away from my kids in support of my best friends wedding....point is, when you've made responsible planning for childcare, emergencies, whatever the kids need, you are allowed to have some time away. It may even be beneficial for you to get a breather and there is no shame in that. I love my kids with all of my heart, but it is nice to get away to do "adult" things every now & then. Only you and your kids know how much you love and care for them...sorry your Mom is putting on the guilt trip. Her issues have nothing to do with you... You are a grown woman, fully capable of making her own decisions.

Jolene - posted on 04/01/2013

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I 100% agree with the other ladies that it is very important you take "me" time. I do have a question though. You mention your mom and it almost sounds like you live with her and have since the first one was born. If I am misreading this here then I apologize. My cousin's daughter and 2 yr. old granddaughter live with her and the daughter has no job and lives off of mom. I am NOT saying this is your case. However if you are not 100% financially self-sufficient then mom may have some valid points. If you are living with mom because you are helping mom out, go for it. If you are living with mom because she is helping you out, even if it is in the form of free childcare, you need to reexamine this relationship and I highly encourage you to get out on your own two feet, otherwise this will continue to be an issue where you are both right and you are both wrong.

Kkrjrpleggett - posted on 03/30/2013

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There is NOTHING Wrong with wanting some time to yourself! EVERY mother NEEDS time Alone or with a friend! It is HEALTHY to get Away from your kids! Kudos to you for being a Great mom who is so dedicated to taking care of your boys! Especially at such a young age! I am Impressed by you. It can be hard leaving your kids with a sitter, I interviewed 18 different women before settling on one to babysit my son while I take some college classes. It is hard to trust people. Do you have a great neighbor or another friend you trust that might be able to watch the boys? I would say your mother to take them over-night, but that doesn't sound like it will work for you. Even if you don't take a whole weekend away, you Need to get away! At least once a month, take a girl's night out! My friends and I do different things, sometimes it's catch a movie, go to dinner, (rarely) hit a quiet bar, or even go for a wine tasting! A few hours away fairly regularly is perfectly healthy and needed for every mom! You have to take time to take care of yourself!

Oh by the way... When my son was about 2 or 3 months old, I called my mom because I thought I was losing my mind because I wanted to run away so badly (first child at the age of 26). I had not taken ANY time to myself, I was nursing my son and was at his beck and call 24/7. I seriously thought I was going insane, I even called my Doctor because of how bad I just wanted to run. All I needed was some "me-time." My bestfriend (who has 2 kids older than mine) drove an hour to come and take me to the bar. I didn't drink, but I did my make-up, threw on some heels and headed out the door. It was the Best 3 hours of my life!!!! I just needed to vent and let out some energy and be myself for a little while. I have since adjusted and schedule in me-time at least once a month, especially now that number 2 is on the way!

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Karen - posted on 04/08/2013

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I agree with Jolene. You dont specify if living with mom or not, which makes a huge difference. That being said, a day away from kids always does me the world of good - I find that after a couple of hours Im actually missing them.

Pamela - posted on 04/07/2013

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First, it appears that you are still allowing your over-protective Mother to run your life. It is difficult to try to please our parents when we are adults and none of us should feel that obligation, though we tend to do so.
You didn't say where the father of your sons is or if he is even in the picture. If he is, why wouldn't he take the kids while you go shopping with your friend?
If you are a single mom surely you can find a responsible sitter. If not, then you have some really big TRUST issues to deal with which may well have developed as a result of your relationship with your mother.
There are so many ways to find responsible sitters. Try one of them and be on your way.
Remember that we learn how to parent from our parents. You might want to take a parenting class to break some of the habits you have learned from your own mother who seems to be a disapproving , hard to please soul.
Happy shopping!

Patricia - posted on 04/06/2013

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Sounds like You are a REALLY Good Mom and Truly You Love Your Children.
NO, NO, NO, NO You are NOT a bad mom for wanting to get away for a while. I have four children (two are in their 20's and the other two are 16 & 17...) and there were times I had to get away & have ''me'' time when they were all little. ALL Moms need a break now & then, besides it not only gives You time away from them but Your Children probably want a break too :) I don't know why Your Mom is making You feel this way but I will Pray for both her & You ♥

Melvina - posted on 04/04/2013

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As a mother of 6 (yes 6) I can tell you that some time to yourself is perfectly fine. I to have a problem with only buying for the kids, which as you can imagine doesn't take long to depleat my funds, I stay at home and homeschool them all, and my husband works. I will also be attending college soon to become a LPN. (night classes) So as you can see, I am quite busy, as I am sure you are. Luckily, he sees his job as his break from the "nut house" and gladly gives me my time off. Once a year, a dear friend of mine leaves her kids with her mother, and I with my husband, and we go up to the lake for a weekend. This girl drives an hour to come get me then we drive another hour and a half to get there. In the car we talk all about the kids, but have a pact that once we arrive, we are just us. You need to remember, that even though you are mommy, (and I don't know cause you didn't mention) and a wife, girlfriend etc. you are also a human being and being cooped up is unhealthy. It can cause stress and that is nothing to mess with, as stress can cause a number of health issues that can make it increasing hard to properly care for your children. At what age you had your children does NOT determine if you are a good mother, that is absurd, as I know many young mothers who can beat the pants off us oldies. (I will be 35 this month) Just do the best you can and please DO take some time off, not just for yourself, but for your little ones as well, dealing with other forms of authority can actually help them as adults.

Breanna - posted on 04/02/2013

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That is perfectly normal, it doesn't make you a bad mom. All parents deserve some adult time yo breath were only human. You live your life everyday for your boys and you do what you need to for them because you love them and if you were a bad mom u wouldn't do those things. You deserve some you time go out and have a good time.

Sharon - posted on 04/02/2013

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Go shopping it will do you the world of good, all mammy s need time off and what better way to spend it than shopping, throw in a glass of wine and you ll be in heaven. Enjoy, i would and i m not a bad mam just a realistic well balanced one xxx

Latasha - posted on 04/02/2013

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I go through the same thing my oldest son was born 9 days before my 17th birthday and we have been together everyday since his birth i don't leave either one of my boys with anyone because i have always felt obligated to take care of them myself. Now sometimes i just want a break from kids and have a moment to myself my bday is on Friday and i hope i can spend it with adult company out at a restaurant and away from the kids. Don't feel like your a bad mother for wanting time to yourself it is very normal and ok to need some me time every mother does from time to time.

Gretchen - posted on 04/02/2013

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Being a parent can be very overwhelming and to keep us from getting so overwhelmed we need to be able to do something for ourselves sometimes. It helps us wind down. You are not a bad parent. In fact, good parents are the ones that know they need adult time too whether its with your husband or friends or both. Dont let your mom make you feel bad. You need this.

Minet - posted on 04/02/2013

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Every mom needs to have adult time without the kids. Whether that is shopping, going to the movies, or simply taking an extended bath, it's what we need in order to keep our santy sometimes. Everyone has their own opinions about what is right and wrong. Taking a 'shopping weekend' isn't harmful unless you're taking one every other week, which I assume is not the case with you. All things in moderation etc... Tell your mom to keep her negative opinions to herself and hire a babysitter. Happy shopping!

Alicia - posted on 04/02/2013

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i understand where your coming from. I'm a single parent 5 days a week since my husband works out of town. i have 3 small girls (4,3,8mon) i never do anything for myself. when my husband comes home i go out to the laundry mat and thats my alone time. so no you need a weekend off. maybe not even a whole weekend maybe you'll find that you only need a couple hours. what i find happens with me is i'll put the laundry in the washer then go to the store shopping for groceries and i always end up buying a treat for the girls usually a kinder egg. so yes go shopping with your friend and leave the kids with your partner or ask your mom or someone else that you trust to watch them. if your worried that they will be a handful one thing that my husband and i do is put the kids to bed first then we go out for dinner or a movie. try that and try to find time during the week for yourself even if its an hour in the bathtub with a snack and a book after the kids are in bed thats what i do or i play a fav game on the computer or read.
when i was working i worked all weekend that way i had some time for me even if it was at work but i really liked my job
hopefully this helps

Lee Etta - posted on 04/01/2013

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It doesn't make you a bad mother. But, I don't see why you need an entire weekend for shopping. You HAVE went shopping and have CHOSEN not to buy for yourself. Who would be watching your children, your mother?

Deborah - posted on 04/01/2013

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You need to stop listening to your Mother. If she was as great as she tells you she is, you wouldn't have ended up a teenage Mom. Sorry. That was rude. Your Mom is your problem. If you went to Bali for a week it wouldn't make you a bad Mother.
You and the boys need space.
I say that as the single Mother of 2 amazing young men. My own Mother is the perfect human from HELL.
As my health visitor told me. " You can't be a good Mother unless you are happy" you need rest. You need fun. You need girlie time. I STILL buy for my kids before myself BUT I am no longer afraid to go away. DO IT.

Dina - posted on 04/01/2013

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Do not feel gilty, you need to learn that you are worth it. (might have to repeated to yourself often) Just make sure you leave the boys with someone you trust, what about their father? even if you are divorced the dad should see the boys, plan your outings around their time with their dad. What about the paternal grandma? She also will want to see the kids. Start with a couple of hours in a day and see how that goes. As you become confortable with that add a couple of more hours, it does not matter where you go but that is "YOUR TIME" to enjoy.
I also raised my two boys by myself and the time that they spent with their dad was sacred to me. My dad was the one who placed gilt and fear to everything I did, I now know that he meant well (he loved me so much and knew how the world is, that he overprotected me to the max). Even if you have to go a phycologist to liverate yourself is very worth it. Be very carefull that your mom does not instill the same fear/gilt in you boys, even if you have to limit her time with them and tell her why you are doing it, they are your sons not hers. Good luck, and I will keep you in my prayers.

Christine - posted on 04/01/2013

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HI Maribel,

I know exactly how you feel. I'm a single mom to a 6 yr old boy. I hardly ever get any time for me, and shopping is a nightmare. I've been wearing the same clothes for years because it is too hard to shop for me with my son in tow. You are not a bad mom for wanting a weekend to yourself. In fact it will give you time to relax and de-stress. The end result is that you will come back refreshed and in better shape to deal with 2 active boys.

Best of Luck to you

[deleted account]

Go for it, as long as you have someone reliable to care for your children. Sorry to say , it sounds like your mom maybe didn't take any time out when you were a child and dosent understand that even GOOD mothers, (as you obviously are or you wouldn't even be worried about going,) sometimes need a break. Go, and enjoy.xx

Tracy - posted on 03/31/2013

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take the time - enjoy! as long as your kids are with someone safe and you have the "extra" money to spend, don't sweat it in the slightest. I was a young mom too and the first time I ever did anything JUST FOR ME, I went out with a friend (female) to a club which is not my scene in the slightest but I really needed the adult time. It was far enough away that staying the night away was the better choice than driving home very tired or even after a few drinks. The night was fun enough but about halfway through the evening I would have MUCH preferred to be with my son. By the morning, I felt SOOOOOO guilty that I went to toys r us before I came home and bought him an $80 wagon. You need the time away, absolutely, just make sure whatever it is that you do that it is worth the time away. Sounds like you would love the shopping time with a friend (or many)! If that's your way to relax and have adult time then enjoy it to the hilt!! These days I would kill for a night away in a hotel room all by myself with a hot tub, a book and a video games of my choosing! ;)

Zhanleigh - posted on 03/31/2013

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I agree have fun and enjoy your alone time. I am 25 with 3 kids. I love them more than anything but gosh every now and again I REALLY need some "ME" time. I need to make more of an effort to just have a day to myself so that I don't have any future break downs. :)

Jackie - posted on 03/31/2013

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Good heavens NO! Smile at Mom, then take your day(s.) Our children (4mine 6his) were out of the home for over a year before I quit feeling like I needed to rush home. This past Friday I spent a glorious day doing thrift shops and goodwill stores. Wish I had taken a few extra days when the kids were home. I think we all would have been happier!!!

Lins - posted on 03/31/2013

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NO!! Hun, you need to take care of yourself too so you can be the best mommy possible. My grandmother never understood why my mom took weekends away from my sister and I, but I understood and now as a new mommy I get it even more. Have fun, don't feel guilty, and come back refreshed for your kids!

Lena - posted on 03/31/2013

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Do not let your mother make you feel bad. Every, and I mean EVERY mom needs time to themselves. It's not her place to judge you, especially if you are taking care of your kids like you should. Good luck I hope you get some time!

DeAnn - posted on 03/30/2013

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It's the only way to stay sane! You need your "me" time! It's hard riasing kids sometimes & we need a little time away. It doesn't mean you love them any less or want them any less. In fact, when you get back, you will be energized & ready for their hugs & lots of play! I was a young mother also & never left my kids. It was really stressful. It sounds like you are doing really great & thinking 1st about your actions. Have a little fun & don't regret it! :)

Amanda - posted on 03/30/2013

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Here it is, you NEED some time to yourself in order to keep yourself a happy, healthy (physically and mentally) MOMMY. There is a huge difference between hitting up the bar every weekend and taking some time for yourself once every couple for months whether it be for shopping or a night out. I would even suggest picking one day a week where you have a few hours to just yourself but as a mother of 3 with 2 jobs I know that is not always possible so by all means take the weekend and relax and have fun, you and your kids will thank you for it...I myself have 2 more weeks until my night out, (that's the thing with kids, you've got to preplan and prepare for these things) :) Like you said you thought your parents were overprotective, maybe her guilting you is just her way to keep control, because as an adult and mother yourself you mother may feel like she's lost control, and now she's found something to hold over you. Try having an honest conversation with your mom, tell her how she is makeing you feel and explain how a weekend will do good (hopefully she had taken some time for herself while raising you and you could use that as an example), and if that doesn't work, who cares, go have a good time and know that there are moms everywhere taking "me time" to keep their sanity (even if it's just getting there nails done ;) )

Dove - posted on 03/28/2013

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Nope. Nothing wrong at all with taking a weekend to yourself once in a while. My dad takes my kids for a weekend every few months. All I do is stay home, but I LOVE my occasional bit alone.

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