I'm a confuse mom

Ira Maya - posted on 08/29/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I'm from Indonesia. Indonesia has more than 500 ethnic groups and more than 700 mother tongues languages. I am married the man with different ethnic with me. We use our national language to communicate. We have three adorable kids ( 8-3-2 years old ). My husband is so wonderful man, he always help me to raise kids.

Problems come to us from my husband family. They are stereotype to all things. They want our kids to learn their ethnic groups only. Due they think mine is worse. All things are best if those have done or said based on their traditional ways. If I open their mind they will isolated me like it was.

I want to have children who know that people are blessed in different ways. I teach my kids to be good to people, good behavior, respect each others.

One day, my eldest daughter say, she doesn't want to play with a-b-c-d-e-f etc because they are come from different ethnic with her. She talked like that, because my husband family who talk bad about all things in front of kids.

Now, I've been isolating my kids from my husband family. We rare to come for family gathering. I have talked to my husband, he just says I am too sensitive person. and now we have bad quarrel of this. I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my all family.

I want to change my husband family mind be better. I want to make them speak everything well and not stereotyping again.


Michelle - posted on 08/30/2012




Your 8 year old is old enough to start learning what prejudice is and why it is not the right choice to make. Explain to them that in order for our world to be at peace people have to become more tolerant of others no matter what color, gender or race that we are. Everyone is equal and needs to be treated with respect and that just because her relatives have different beliefs does not mean that they are right or wrong just means they think differently. Tell her if she chooses to only play with kids based on their ethnic group they are going to miss out on meeting new and exciting people, life is about learning tolerance. Lay it all out for her tell her that you love your in laws but do not agree with everything they say and do, explain that by learning tolerance as a child you can than be in any situation and function without problems.

Tonia - posted on 08/30/2012




It is not your job to teach adults how to think,you will not be able to do much to change the views of your husband or his family. You are right to focus on teaching your children that difference is good and should be celebrated not persecuted. Perhaps your husband could ask his family to be careful of what they say in front of the children,he doesnt have to say its because you dissagree,he could just say that type of conversation is for adults?good luck:)

Tina - posted on 08/29/2012




Not much you can do if they're set in their ways. You're right to want them to have an open mind. They're your children raise them your way. It's up to you what you want to do. Whether or not you have much involvement with his family. But I'd put my foot down they're you're kids to raise no ones elses


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