I'm a new Step Mommy

Brooke - posted on 03/21/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




I've never reached out to a community of readers in such a manner but I feel I'm in a position where my friends can't relate/understand and my fiancee may not have any useful advice to offer. I am recently in a relationship with my best guy friend. We've been great friends for years but in 15' we decided to take on more of a serious relationship. My better half has a son, a son who I adore. I have since the first day I met the adorable punk. My fiancee's ex and I were loosely friends and I say the term "loosely" because I always knew despite her beautiful exterior that she was a hateful person on the inside. She was a "huge" fan of mine until she found out that he had asked for my hand. We recently moved into a beautiful home together where I am a full time step mommy, which I love. (Super excited to add to our family!!!) We spend the week days together. We wake up and make a delicious breakfast, tell jokes, get excited about the day, he's off to school and then I walk to pick him up, we do homework, make snacks, do crafts, the usual after school routine. Everything is beyond great until his mother gets involved.
The "Instagram Perfect Life, Perfect Wife" gets involved. She has a fiancee or a "husband" are her claims on the internet but not true, have a child together and live together. Since we've been together she makes up lies about me, says horrible things about me, claims she doesn't want me around her son and is obviously making efforts to get back with my love. And confusing to me, I feel like she wants to keep her man but have mine all to herself and not allow him happiness... (I don't understand but trying to)
But all of this is adding up to my main concern. She recently started trying to manipulate her son and get him to think bad things about me. Saying that I did things to hurt his feelings and then he gets very upset. I would never do anything to hurt him, not even in the slightest. I feel like as his "step-mom" and new motherly figure I am constantly trying to overcompensate and make sure that we have a good, solid relationship. We try to make homework fun and rewarding, we do A lot of arts and crafts, I include him on helping me make dinner, we plan fun little trips out of town, and more importantly than all I really listen to him.
I feel like it's wrong of his mother to be this way but I am seeking advice to ensure that maybe there is something I am missing. It breaks my heart when he comes home from his moms on the weekends and I can tell he's apprehensive about me because of things his mom has said to him. It's not fair to him. Any advice you can offer would be more than appreciated.


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Raye - posted on 03/22/2016




It seems to me that the mother is jealous. That's something only she can choose to get over. She can't be forced to be a good person and let go of things that are harming herself and her son. All you can do is try to do your best for that child. You don't have to over-compensate. It's not a competition. But just provide him with a loving, safe, stable environment. He will learn his mother is toxic over time. It's sad, but that's the way it is sometimes. I'm a step-mom, too. So I know. If he opens up to you and asks about something his mom said, don't bad-mouth her. But you can let him know that his mom is mistaken and what she says is not true.

I agree with Sarah, that the father should try to talk to the mother about how she's confusing the boy and that it's really only hurting her child to tell lies.

Sarah - posted on 03/21/2016




How old is he? Young kids are loyal to their parents, even awful abusive parents are adored. He may be confused. When he is with you, he feels secure and loved and is content, then mom mixes it up in his head and he comes back wondering what am I missing? My mom, who I love says this lady is no good, but she seems good to me? Does that make sense?
So since you are not technically his step-mom yet, I'd let his dad talk to him and to his ex first. If his father can reassure him that it is ok to trust and let you into his heart, he may feel better. You can open the door for him to talk, and be very careful to not badmouth his mom. If he says to you, "my mom says you buy me things so i will like you." You could answer, "Well I do like/love you, what to do you think?" whatever he answers, just keep with neutral open ended responses. Good luck, and one other thing; sever all social media ties with her, it is just a source of stress.

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