I'm a stepmom and my in laws raise the child, having problems

Ali - posted on 12/01/2013 ( no moms have responded yet )

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Before I married my husband he had an agreement with them that they would raise jr. Why? Jr was diagnosed with ALL leukemia before his 2nd birthday. Because of the divorce and court hearing he won full physical custody and moved in with his parents to help with the numerous dr. Visits. My husband has worked 2nd shift for 10 years and still does, as do I. He and his parents agreed years before I came into the picture that the in laws would raise jr. The in laws have been the parental figures for 7 years. ( by the way he beat cancer and is a flourishing healthy 9 year old.) now the problem we are having is that the in laws have started using the fact that they raise jr. as ammo in petty arguments. For instance, we will be having dinner, I tell jr. To use his table manners, suddenly I'm a horrible person who doesn't understand what is going on and he had cancer so he needs time to adjust to his age and we need to cut him some slack. ( jr. Has been cancer free for 3 years now and should be well adjusted to simple things like using a fork.) we have offered to raise jr. But since we live a few miles away we told them he would have to change schools and take the bus, and then it's no no no you can't do that. We have had numerous discussions with them letting them know that this is a strange a situation, we appreciate that they love and raise jr. But we don't want them to talk down to us when it's convenient for them. They have made it painfully clear that they find us to be unfit parents, fine, I get it, but I'm at my wits end being damned if I do damned if I don't. We visit as often as we can(2nd shift with occasional mandatory weekend work so we try), he knows we are there for him, and we provide full health, dental, and vision insurance. I'm lost, I have never had a child, I came in the picture when he turned 5.

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