Jessica - posted on 04/01/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )
I'm a full-time single mom of a 5-year-old boy. His dad bolted when I got pregnant, and though he's been involved since the birth, he's now married with step kids and a new baby. I fully believe him having our son so seldom was a major factor in his finding someone to marry, but that's a different rant.
Everyone always tells me how polite and sweet and smart my son is, and for the most part it's true ... except with me. He NEVER listens to me. I can tell him something 12 times in a row and he just goes about his business. I can tell him to not do something as he's doing it and looking right at me, and he continues to do it. Everything is a fight or an argument and he never seems to care if he hurts my feelings. In fact the few times I cried in front of him he laughed. And this is the same little boy who at other times will run into the room to hug me and tell me he loves me and I'm the best mom in the world. The rest of the time he openly defies me and begs for his daddy and mommy (which is also what he calls his stepmom, which breaks my damn heart). Spanking doesn't get through to him, and neither does time-outs, removal of privileges (tv, toys, etc.), early bedtimes, or any reasonable system of punishment.
Since he was born I have put myself through college for a second degree, got a decent job, and bought a house. I send him to private school, put him in sports, try to take him on fun trips like zoos and aquariums. But he still refuses to listen to me or even seem to care at all about me. Today I took him to lunch at the restaurant of his choice, took him to the park, and was going to take him for ice cream. First he threw a fit and cried because his cousin wouldn't play the way he wanted. Then he openly disobeyed me six times in a row. And quickly after he lost his cousin's toy I told him no ice cream, we're going home. He melted down and I lost it. I spent the whole ride home yelling and screaming and cussing at him. He's been in his room the last three hours and I've been crying.
I have always wanted to be a mom. Granted this isn't how I'd planned it to work out. I'm just worried I'm not made for it. I hate kids' shows and kids' music, even when I was a kid. I hate it when he talks gibberish or acts goofy. I've gotten to where I just can't stand my life, and I'm afraid, no, I know I'm doing irreparable damage to my kid. I'm just so stressed. I don't have anyone to help more than they already do. I can't afford therapy. All the antidepressants I've ever tried make me so tired and comatose he might as well not have a mother. I love my child more than anything, I really do. I just don't know how to get him to listen and mind and behave. He doesn't get the whole "just the two of us" concept. What do I do? Anything short of sending him off to his dad's, which isn't really an option, or just having myself committed. What do I do???