I'm a young mom in michigan going threw a nasty custody battel please I need help PLEASE!

Molly - posted on 10/04/2009 ( 74 moms have responded )

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My ex is abusive in every sence of the word. I know alot of girls try to use that in court but from the moment he found out I was pregnate he changed. I thought maybe after I had the baby it would change, it only got worse! I can't belive I let him sign the papers. In the hospital he abandoned us I was all alone, then right after I had our daughter he told me I have 2 weeks to lose the weight and asked for sex. I told him no of coures then he was angry with me because I gave him a girl. It got worse and worse. I finally left after three months because he threw me off the porch and took my daughter. The police said there was nothing I could do. The next morning was mothers day so I went and took my daughter back along with all my things. He has paid for nothing and since we've moved hes only seen her a few times, he's given me 20 dollars or diapers every now and then. But really its not much because then he turns around a sues me for every thing I've got which isn't much either. I told him that the money he is takeing is supposed to go to Isabella he said good. He's basically taking food out of his daughters mouth and is pround of it. I can't let him take her but the only proof of the things he's doing is the diary that I've been keeping. I know he has a drinking problem and smokes pot some times but he hasn't been caught. I'm afraid when he gets caught it will be to late! Please help me I need to keep my daughter safe. He sees her as an object in a game not a infant. He wants her to anger me because he thinks he owns me. I need help form any one! please I'm begging help me. what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do every thing I can to keep her safe even if its from her own father. I'm scared he's going to hurt or niglect her. I know something bad will happen.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Susan - posted on 10/08/2009

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National Domestic Abuse Hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). They are able to help you find help in any of the 50 states. These are the people that helped me find help that helped me become strong enough to get away. They will help with everything from getting the legal help, safe house, training, job, your own home, etc.

One of the most important things you can do as stated many times before is document, document, document!!!! Diaries, photos, emails, phone recordings, mail, video, .......anything and everything that shows who he really is. Even things that may seem insignificant to you may really be significant. I didn't have documentation of the earlier years except for what I had written down in a letter to my best friend (and kept a copy for my records). I found random pics that showed my arm in a cast, etc. and doctor's also seem to know when you've been hurt by someone else and document this in your records whether you admit to them or not.

I am finally getting out after 20 years of physical and emotional abuse. It is very hard when you have a child to consider and everything that spews out of his mouth you believe. I believed everything my husband threatened and said. When I finally sought help after being hit after my son's graduation I found out just how wrong I was to believe him. The counselors at a shelter will help you see you do have recourse and help out there.

You need to keep your cool and not lash out and make yourself look crazy or abusive. That is what he wants and it satisfies him to see you putting yourself in the same category as he is. It will drive him crazy to see you become strong and "better" than him by not reacting to him and his threats. Focus on you and your daughter and let him dig his own grave. My husband is now being seen for who he is as he thinks he is even above the law and the law is supposed to bow and accomodate him.

You haven't mentioned if you are a church-goer or spiritual in any way. Being around spiritual people and looking to God as your source of stability and help is one of the major things that will see you through. God is in control of everything on earth and He sees your pain and wants you to turn to Him and believe. I'm not saying everything will be peachy but it will be easier to cope and God will bless you if you are faithful. Your little girl needs you. She needs to see you strong and showing your worth to everyone around. God Bless you both as you journey down this long, tough road. He will provide.

User - posted on 10/04/2009

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Don't be too scared because if you do you'll be looked on as somebody that has mental issues and then you'll lose your child. Keep smiling around your child. Don't stop going outdoors, join a children's playgroup and interact with people to move on with your life disregarding your ex. Don't rush into a relationship. Be very tactful and never talk about your ex to people so that when you are ambushed by your ex you get more help from the general public; other people will see the psycho he is for themselves and they're more likely to help you. Keep your mobile phone tucked down your bra for emergency phone calls. Been there, done that.

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Susan - posted on 10/17/2009

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Praying for you! I am going throught he same thing, and God is so good! I have been married for 10 years, have two children from previous marriage and two from this one. My husband is verbally/mentally/emotionally cruel and had started to becomae physically abusive. In January he hit my 14 yr old (not his), I had him charged. I then had welfare involved because police need to notify them. They are taking me to court because I failed to protect my daughter. I kicked him out imeediately and rang police, got a protection order - what else could I do? He has been charged twice with breaking that order and received a suspended sentence for hitting my daughter, so looks like he will go to jail in November. I have been to court against welfare three times and so far so good and have kept my children - November 16 next court date, and with God's help we will win again - the system is so unfair when the children and I have done no wrong, and are now paing such a huge price. You will get there like me - baby steps, one day at a time, and NEVER be alone anywhere - these guys are generally gutless and won't do anything wrong in front of other people - you need to protect yourself

Katherine - posted on 10/12/2009

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Quoting molly:

I'm a young mom in michigan going threw a nasty custody battel please I need help PLEASE!

My ex is abusive in every sence of the word. I know alot of girls try to use that in court but from the moment he found out I was pregnate he changed. I thought maybe after I had the baby it would change, it only got worse! I can't belive I let him sign the papers. In the hospital he abandoned us I was all alone, then right after I had our daughter he told me I have 2 weeks to lose the weight and asked for sex. I told him no of coures then he was angry with me because I gave him a girl. It got worse and worse. I finally left after three months because he threw me off the porch and took my daughter. The police said there was nothing I could do. The next morning was mothers day so I went and took my daughter back along with all my things. He has paid for nothing and since we've moved hes only seen her a few times, he's given me 20 dollars or diapers every now and then. But really its not much because then he turns around a sues me for every thing I've got which isn't much either. I told him that the money he is takeing is supposed to go to Isabella he said good. He's basically taking food out of his daughters mouth and is pround of it. I can't let him take her but the only proof of the things he's doing is the diary that I've been keeping. I know he has a drinking problem and smokes pot some times but he hasn't been caught. I'm afraid when he gets caught it will be to late! Please help me I need to keep my daughter safe. He sees her as an object in a game not a infant. He wants her to anger me because he thinks he owns me. I need help form any one! please I'm begging help me. what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do every thing I can to keep her safe even if its from her own father. I'm scared he's going to hurt or niglect her. I know something bad will happen.


I live in Michigan too, and this is a maternal state, get a PPO on his a**, go to WIC, they will help you and give you all of the info you need.  I don't know where you live......call the DHS closest to you.  Do you have anyone to help you?  Please get that restraining order ASAP!!!!!!!!  Get what's called an 'exparte' order.  I'm so sorry you're going through this!!

Kathy - posted on 10/12/2009

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Volunteers of America here used to have "America House" which is a place for mom's escaping battering dads with kids. See if your local VOA has such a house or can help you locate one. Every DA's office has a Child Support Enforcement department. If you are on ADFC they will move you up in priority. Any support he pays must go through their office so he cannot locate you. They will also help without your having to use a lawyer and they will work with his employer to garnish his pay checks. Also in many DA's offices is a rape crisis center where a counselor will help you in making your decisions. They will give you options that are available in your area. I also believe in the power of prayer.

Johnsy - posted on 10/12/2009

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You need to get help that's for sure. Is there a Domestic Violence Shelter you can call and go to with your daughter? Next you need to check about an Order of Protection. Your city and State should have Laws for Domestic Violence. You need to get you and your child safe. Those are the first things you do. next you get a Lawyer and go from there. There are Domestic Violence Hot-lines to contact in the phone book to help you, you just need to reach out to them. Good Luck to you and your daughter.

Xaviera - posted on 10/11/2009

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there are too many cases where stupid , crazy men take their anger and issues out on there child or the child of their girl friend. and my advice to you is to pack up and move ur child and do not let him know where are you going. because your daughter is ur first priority. and she has only you to look up too for safety. so please don't take this light and there was a little girl that was eight days old and her father was 18 years old and he raped and beat her with in an inch of her life. don;t wait til its too late. there are programs avalible for you where they will help you and ur daughter to relocate under your sercomstance (excuse the spelling) so please act fast and discretly dont tell no one what u are planing just do if you need to talk on a personal level u can email me at wxaviera@yahoo.com and i will give you my personal information so we can talk one on one.

Katy - posted on 10/10/2009

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My name is Katy.

I also live in MI and I went though a custody battle with my daughter's ex. I'll do anything to help a child, no one should have to fight to keep their child safe. E-mail me at ktroe37@yahoo.com. I may be able to give you information that will help.

First of all we're you married? If not then he has no legal claim to the child without a court order, it does NOT matter if his name is on the birth certificate or not! Second if you guys go to court then he will get visitation unless you can PROOVE right from the get go that he is dangerous or unfit. If you can't proove it they will let him have her at least every other weekend but that is the absolute bare minimum. Start with a restraining order to show just cause, but again you have to proove that he is a danger. Find some way to show record of him not helping you finacially with the child, e-mail him asking for something and include how he never helps out and use specific details. Print out your e-mail to him and his response. Keep copies and records of EVERYTHING that you can use to show that she will not be safe with him or that he doesn't care about her well being. Get as many witnesses as you can that have seen or heard him be abusive to you or her, if you can get someone from his family then that's the best source. You need to have proof or they will still give him the chance to mess up, even if that means giving him the chance to hurt her, so you have to have proof first! Good luck and God bless you and keep you and your daughter safe!

Deirdre - posted on 10/09/2009

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Wow!!!! First let me apologize for his behavior because men are ass holes and i hate to see you go through these changes you need to seek legal counsel file for full custody of your child start recording some of your conversations to you have a video camera technology is a bitch use it marajuania stays in your system a long time get him druged tested don't give up she needs you, this fight is for her now.

Vicky - posted on 10/09/2009

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My partner was accused of being violent towards his kids and wife. I know yours is a true case but u should have no problems with a court giving him an harrasment order. My partner has been told there's nothing he can do and it would cost thousands of pounds, which we don't have to get to see his kids. The eyes of the law favour women with kids and feel that if the man is a risk they will just go with what a woman says. Which I feel totally against. I know yours if a different situation and i'm not objecting what u say, i'm just stating that u shouldn't have a problem. If u are not earning or have a low income u should get help with court costs too. I'm in the UK but i'm sure u will have the same kind of things over there. Good luck x

Trish - posted on 10/08/2009

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I'm going through the same thing at the moment. This is the second time I'm going through this, the first time he dropped it because he wasn't married. Now he's married and expecting a baby in a few days. What I've learn is record everything. I use my Blackberry to record video and I have audio recordings for five years. He alway promised to make my life miserable if I left him and he has done just that. I went to attorneys for help and none would help. Now it is my turn to shine the light on the truth since he started it I'm going to try to finish it once and for all. Find you attorney that has several years experience in famliy and criminal law, research your choice on the internet. My case is going to be nasty so I wanted the best with the experience to help me keep my kids. Write everything you want to ask the attorney before going in the office because they charge you a lot and you want to get in and out with the information you wanted to know in a timely matter. Also write you some interrogatories ( questions) that you would like to proble your ex for (example: financial report, tax return, names of girlfriends, ask if he had overnight stays with women, employers for a period of time, pictures of his home, any parent teacher meetings, doc. appointment, any police reports, protection orders, any arrest records, ect) you get the picture. He has to answer them truthfully and expect to get some yourself. Be an investergator dig up the deepest dirt on your ex you can find. Don't get in a fight with him, it will drive him crazy. Keep your conversations to a yes and no, only about the health, school, and visitation of your child. No matter how mad you may get keep your cool an expolsion could be used against you. Remember to record, record, and write down everything that goes on between you two. Always keep him informed about your child and any school, doctor, and any other improtant activities in her life. If you haven't already checked into a batter women's clinic check into it, they can help and it will look serious enough that the courts can't ignore it. They can help you fill out an order of protection which you can request the house if you like. My ex was abusive and I just though is was what expected since he was my husband, but I learned otherwise. Good luck and my God be with you during your time of need.

Trish - posted on 10/08/2009

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Quoting molly:

I'm a young mom in michigan going threw a nasty custody battel please I need help PLEASE!

My ex is abusive in every sence of the word. I know alot of girls try to use that in court but from the moment he found out I was pregnate he changed. I thought maybe after I had the baby it would change, it only got worse! I can't belive I let him sign the papers. In the hospital he abandoned us I was all alone, then right after I had our daughter he told me I have 2 weeks to lose the weight and asked for sex. I told him no of coures then he was angry with me because I gave him a girl. It got worse and worse. I finally left after three months because he threw me off the porch and took my daughter. The police said there was nothing I could do. The next morning was mothers day so I went and took my daughter back along with all my things. He has paid for nothing and since we've moved hes only seen her a few times, he's given me 20 dollars or diapers every now and then. But really its not much because then he turns around a sues me for every thing I've got which isn't much either. I told him that the money he is takeing is supposed to go to Isabella he said good. He's basically taking food out of his daughters mouth and is pround of it. I can't let him take her but the only proof of the things he's doing is the diary that I've been keeping. I know he has a drinking problem and smokes pot some times but he hasn't been caught. I'm afraid when he gets caught it will be to late! Please help me I need to keep my daughter safe. He sees her as an object in a game not a infant. He wants her to anger me because he thinks he owns me. I need help form any one! please I'm begging help me. what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do every thing I can to keep her safe even if its from her own father. I'm scared he's going to hurt or niglect her. I know something bad will happen.


 

Javiera - posted on 10/08/2009

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Dear Molly: I hope you get stronger everyday. I wanted to tell you that women from all walks of life get abused and stick with the guy for the sex. I tell you been there, done that, and ended up working for him and DD. When you finally realize he will always be abusive and you don´t wnt him around anymore everything changes. Work on it, but don´t worry, once you decide you don´t love him everything goes smoothly. Be strong for your Isabella, be loving towards yourself, you are so worth fighting for!

Ingrid - posted on 10/08/2009

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Molly,
The next time you feel nervous in court in front of the judge or unsure what to do-look at your daughter! She needs you to be her advocate. There may not be a shelter close to you but find the closest and go to it. They will answer all your other questions and needs, keep you safe with other women until you are ready to go back out on your own. You dont have to worry about anything else, let them help you, it's what they're good at and they understand the laws in your state. Very important. My prayers are with you. And please, don't say you know something bad will happen, DONT LET IT, you have control, not him. You Are Smart, you are just scared, bullied. Take the resources that are there for you.
Sincerely, Ingrid

T.J. - posted on 10/08/2009

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also does he have any ex girlfriends that he did this to. they night be able to help you in court!

T.J. - posted on 10/08/2009

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Demand a drug test first of all and i hope you know someone with a lot of money you can barrow because it will get ridiculously expensive and it will get crazy so keep a very straight and strong willed head during the time or leave and go to china he'll never find you there and even if he does get custody in the states they don't consider American custody issues there.

Toni - posted on 10/08/2009

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You are doing the right thing in keeping a diary of events, that is one of the most important things you can do when you have no one else who has seen his actions. If you have a video camera that you could set up (like a nanny cam) you could possibly get evidence of the things he is doing to you and the things he says about you and your daughter. Get an attorney and if possible hire a private investigator. I know all of this costs money that you probably don't have, but possibley your parents or other family members can help you. One of my daughters went through a 5 years of hell with her ex. Fortunatly for all of us he suddenly realized he was acting like his father and did not want to be that person... Best of luck to you and your daughter, be strong and never, ever give up.

Christie - posted on 10/08/2009

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Seek counsel with a local services for abused women - they should have something near you!! The people there will be able to point you in the correct direction to begin taking action to protect yourself and your daughter. The police can do nothing without proof. Sometimes the police departments have a domestic violence unit - check into that and talk to someone there as well ~ lots of moms actually lie about dads, too, believe it or not, so that is why the proof is required (to protect all parties). I pray that you can find the help you need! Stay strong, find a local church that has God living within (you can sense the difference) and find some women who will walk along side you there ~

Beth - posted on 10/08/2009

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What all these other ladies have said is the best advice here.Legal Aid should help you obtain a lawyer if you have no real source of income.

If you are afraid to be anywhere near him,the only other alternative would be to go to a women's shelter they will keep you and your child protected,they may even be able to help you out in the way of getting the ball rolling for you legally all you have to do is talk to them there and show them your diary of everything that has been happening and how the police wont help.



I am so sorry this is happening,I have been in the same situation when my oldest son was born and it's not a place I would wish on anyone.

Keep your chin up hun stand your ground,if he knows you are afraid of him he will keep on intimidating you and manipulate you.

If you can bite back all that fear in some way and stand up to him,he wont or can't hurt you when other ppl are around and if he does then you have witnesses.

Try to turn your fear into something else,maybe even anger it will make you fight that much more harder and you will do whatever it takes to keep yourself and your child safe.



Good luck hun

Lisa - posted on 10/08/2009

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Quoting molly:

I'm a young mom in michigan going threw a nasty custody battel please I need help PLEASE!

My ex is abusive in every sence of the word. I know alot of girls try to use that in court but from the moment he found out I was pregnate he changed. I thought maybe after I had the baby it would change, it only got worse! I can't belive I let him sign the papers. In the hospital he abandoned us I was all alone, then right after I had our daughter he told me I have 2 weeks to lose the weight and asked for sex. I told him no of coures then he was angry with me because I gave him a girl. It got worse and worse. I finally left after three months because he threw me off the porch and took my daughter. The police said there was nothing I could do. The next morning was mothers day so I went and took my daughter back along with all my things. He has paid for nothing and since we've moved hes only seen her a few times, he's given me 20 dollars or diapers every now and then. But really its not much because then he turns around a sues me for every thing I've got which isn't much either. I told him that the money he is takeing is supposed to go to Isabella he said good. He's basically taking food out of his daughters mouth and is pround of it. I can't let him take her but the only proof of the things he's doing is the diary that I've been keeping. I know he has a drinking problem and smokes pot some times but he hasn't been caught. I'm afraid when he gets caught it will be to late! Please help me I need to keep my daughter safe. He sees her as an object in a game not a infant. He wants her to anger me because he thinks he owns me. I need help form any one! please I'm begging help me. what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do every thing I can to keep her safe even if its from her own father. I'm scared he's going to hurt or niglect her. I know something bad will happen.


 

Molly - posted on 10/07/2009

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Thank you all for your prayers and advise! I don't know what I would do with out you:)

Molly - posted on 10/07/2009

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So today I had my father fill out a PPo aginst Chad, I filled out a seprate one for me and I am looking in to having one fileed out for my daughter. I called legel aide but they have told me they do not assist in custody cases, I also called the LAC ( legal assistance center), and the YWCA! I'm calling the sherriffs department in the morning because I did find out from the social worker today that a person gets more jail time for hitting a dog than you do for hitting a woman. I know he abuses his dog so there fore I am going to call in annoumus about his animal neglect. I recived court papers in the mail to day along with a letter from Chad ( the donar) He is trying to sue me again for show cause and some more money! This time I have proof that Isabella and I completed are part of the paternity test! I hope this court date goes better than the last I am already so nervous. I will be calling the Legal aide again in the morning to see if they will assist me in some thing along those lines. The social worker said the man is obviously bipolar or has other serious mentail problems. Oh I will also be calling the social worker in the mornigh to ask her if she will show in court with me and read her the letter Chad sent. He makes me sick in person he is rude , angry, and possessive, but in this letter he comes off as careing supportive and like he's trying to do the right thing. I'm sure he made a photo copy of it to bring to court to look good. I dont knwo how it show the world what he really is. I'm going to be asking people to write out statements for me but unfortunitally he has never physically abused me in front of others. And the people he did drink and do drugs in front of while neglicting his daughter are his friends they will never help me. I am thinking about counter sueing him for lost wages because thats what he's sueing me for again. Which I'm not really sure how he lost wages, but would this be a good idea? Oh and he said he is going to bring back the car seat base that he stole. to bad my daughter has out grown that car seat and is now moving on to hte next stage. I think he knows this and thats why he said in his letter he will return it. But he has said this before and never returned it. We will see!

Lisa - posted on 10/07/2009

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Hi I am going to let you know that there is a way out safely!! I felt as if i was reading my bio when i read your story! I went thru the exact same thing and lived. The first thing you need to do is get a restrainig order on him from the court!!! You then need to talk with the VICTIM WITNESS ADVOCATE and get in touch with their domestic or battered womens unit. Let them place you in a "safe" house and let them give you the services you need to get thru this. They will give you counseling, welfare, job training and best of all protection from this ever happening to you again. Please do me one favor, follow thru with prosecution. let a judge put his sorry ass in jail so he can never hurt you or another woman again!! press charges and never drop them because if you do the next time he comes near you may be your last time. to many women think these men can change or that he doesn't mean it or even blame themselves. the help the programs will offer will also help you with why you let it get that far and also show you signs to know when to run from a unhealthy relationship. They will help you with whatever issues may have brought you to be near a man like that and teach you to believe you deserve better. They will also protect your daughter. Just remember she will look to you to show her how to conduct herself regarding men and relationships in general in her life. make sure you show her that noone has the right to hurt her verbally or physically!!! Be the role model and protector for her that you were meant to be!! This is not easy but let them help you, please. We as women need to stick together and protect each other. I wish you luck and will pray for you. please go to court and post on your progress!!

[deleted account]

The police are wrong, and lazy bastards, too. There is a LOT you can do, and start out by getting a restraining order. Hold nothing back and tell them he is abusive and threatening. Tell them he kidnapped your child and does not pay any real child support. If he hurts you in ANY WAY, take photos and document it. Go to legal aid and tell them you need help right now, that there is an infant involved and you are afraid for both your lives. You must insist that the police do their job and protect you and your baby, or it is YOU who will be responsible for the consequences. If you have any means at all, get out of town with your baby, and never look back.

Jenny - posted on 10/07/2009

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Quoting molly:First you need to look up the custody laws in your state. If its like here in ohio, if you were not married when you had your child then you have custody of her and there is nothing he can do. but i imagine your laws are different. I went threw seperation from my ex-boyfriend and found this all out. in ohio if you were not married when you had the child the mother has full custody. check your laws first. if that is the way yours is then get the hell away from him and dont look back, your daughter deserves a better man to be her daddy then that piece of crap.

I'm a young mom in michigan going threw a nasty custody battel please I need help PLEASE!

My ex is abusive in every sence of the word. I know alot of girls try to use that in court but from the moment he found out I was pregnate he changed. I thought maybe after I had the baby it would change, it only got worse! I can't belive I let him sign the papers. In the hospital he abandoned us I was all alone, then right after I had our daughter he told me I have 2 weeks to lose the weight and asked for sex. I told him no of coures then he was angry with me because I gave him a girl. It got worse and worse. I finally left after three months because he threw me off the porch and took my daughter. The police said there was nothing I could do. The next morning was mothers day so I went and took my daughter back along with all my things. He has paid for nothing and since we've moved hes only seen her a few times, he's given me 20 dollars or diapers every now and then. But really its not much because then he turns around a sues me for every thing I've got which isn't much either. I told him that the money he is takeing is supposed to go to Isabella he said good. He's basically taking food out of his daughters mouth and is pround of it. I can't let him take her but the only proof of the things he's doing is the diary that I've been keeping. I know he has a drinking problem and smokes pot some times but he hasn't been caught. I'm afraid when he gets caught it will be to late! Please help me I need to keep my daughter safe. He sees her as an object in a game not a infant. He wants her to anger me because he thinks he owns me. I need help form any one! please I'm begging help me. what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do every thing I can to keep her safe even if its from her own father. I'm scared he's going to hurt or niglect her. I know something bad will happen.


 

Tracey - posted on 10/07/2009

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I was in the same situation as you, I went to see my soliciter which he thought I would never do as I was weak, but that shocked him.It has been 3 years now and he has the kis every other weekend. You need to tell the solicter what access he can have not what he wants.

You will not have your child taken off you as you are a good mum, the courts can not take your child.It,s hard but it does get easier be strong and you will come out of it the other end a happier person for you and your child.There is alot of support groups you can go 2 as well get on the net and find a support group near you. Have you got any family close to you ?

Keep your chin up hunny xxx

Shameron - posted on 10/07/2009

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First you need a lawyer. Nothing can really happen and you have no legal ground to stand on until that happens. Hopefully by now you have one. If not there should be a legal aid program in your state if you do not have the money to get one. Here is the link for it: http://www.michiganlegalaid.org/ Until you have a temporary custody hearing or paper work in progress the police cannot and will not help you. I will let you know that this is probably going to be a long drawn out process but remember, in most cases possession is 9/10ths of the law. Which means, the parent with the child is likely to get custody if he/she can prove that they are mentally, financially and emotionally more stable than the other. IT also takes into consideration the parents willingness to let the other parent see the child.

Hopefully this helps. It's a long horrible road you are about to head down and not an easy one. At least you currently have your daughter with you. Good luck.

Carol - posted on 10/07/2009

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I'm sorry for your trauma. I too was living with an (emotionally) abusive husband. You did the right thing in leaving. For your self and for your daughter. Make sure you document everything he does using dates and times. If you have family or friends that can stay close, it will give you eye witnesses which can come in handy when you get to court. You need to find an attorney that will work with you. A good attorney is key so ask around. Every dad should help support their children, and the courts can force him to do it. If you are being physically abused, then you need to get a restraining order against him. You cannot protect your daughter without backup.

Cedar - posted on 10/07/2009

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There are local shelters you can go to that will give you counseling and money. Start there if you can. I would refuse all assistance from him of any kind because the attachments are not worth it. Not sure why he won a court case against you because that part of your writing was unclear. Just make yourself strong for your baby by putting yourself in a space of positivity.

Andrea - posted on 10/06/2009

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Pray! Get involved in church if you are not already and surround yourself with family and friends. Get a GOOD laywer and fight as hard as you can TO KEEP THAT LITTLE GIRL SAFE! Try to give her as much stability as you can thru all this by mainly not letting her have to see or hear fighting between you and your ex. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the best of luck in such a difficult situation.

Sharon - posted on 10/06/2009

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I believe in God.



But God helps those who help themselves.



You've gotten a lot of advice here. It would be nice to hear what you plan to do next. what steps have you taken to protect your daughter? What legal papers have you filed?

Shannon - posted on 10/06/2009

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I'm shaking my head reading this. I went through a very similar situation with my oldest child. I was 18 and he was 21. He was loaded with money and I wasn't. The best advice I can give you is stay away from him as much as humanly possible. Do not give him the opportunity to make you look bad in any way...for example losing your temper with him. If you must see him for any reason NEVER EVER EVER go alone. ALWAYS have a witness to everything that goes on with him. If ANY kind of abuse goes on between the two of you be the FIRST to call the police. When you go to court INSIST on a guardian at litem (spelling ?) and INSIST on alcohol and drug assessments. You can also request that his visitation with your daughter are always supervised, even if it is with a relative of his like say his mother or father or someone you know that you can trust. I hate to say this but the court will not be on your side, they suck, you and your daughter are nothing more than just another case to them. YOU CANNOT RELY ON THEM. You have to make your case, you have to be responsible for your actions. You are the only one that can protect your daughter. Unfortunately lawyers cost an arm and a leg and I imagine you are not well to do if you can't even get $20 for diapers from the loser. Do you what you can to find support in your area. Call a local battered womens shelter and ask them for direction, they will be able to tell you where to start and give you advice on what to do from here. And remember, child support and visitation are two completely seperate things. You can file for support without him getting any court ordered visitation. If you ever just need to talk or vent please feel free to contact me. I lived this nightmare for years and I will try to help you in anyway I can. And also take the advice of Shertandra Griffin, get down on those knees and pray!!!! God is the only one whose got your back unconditionally!

User - posted on 10/06/2009

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Quoting molly:

I'm a young mom in michigan going threw a nasty custody battel please I need help PLEASE!

My ex is abusive in every sence of the word. I know alot of girls try to use that in court but from the moment he found out I was pregnate he changed. I thought maybe after I had the baby it would change, it only got worse! I can't belive I let him sign the papers. In the hospital he abandoned us I was all alone, then right after I had our daughter he told me I have 2 weeks to lose the weight and asked for sex. I told him no of coures then he was angry with me because I gave him a girl. It got worse and worse. I finally left after three months because he threw me off the porch and took my daughter. The police said there was nothing I could do. The next morning was mothers day so I went and took my daughter back along with all my things. He has paid for nothing and since we've moved hes only seen her a few times, he's given me 20 dollars or diapers every now and then. But really its not much because then he turns around a sues me for every thing I've got which isn't much either. I told him that the money he is takeing is supposed to go to Isabella he said good. He's basically taking food out of his daughters mouth and is pround of it. I can't let him take her but the only proof of the things he's doing is the diary that I've been keeping. I know he has a drinking problem and smokes pot some times but he hasn't been caught. I'm afraid when he gets caught it will be to late! Please help me I need to keep my daughter safe. He sees her as an object in a game not a infant. He wants her to anger me because he thinks he owns me. I need help form any one! please I'm begging help me. what kind of mother would I be if I didn't do every thing I can to keep her safe even if its from her own father. I'm scared he's going to hurt or niglect her. I know something bad will happen.


 

Candie - posted on 10/06/2009

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Diaries work great in court because you have dates and times, you have to go to court and get custody because I know here in NM if there is no custody he can take her and there is nothing you can do about it. The court can appoint a 706 witness which is an attorney that checks both homes and lets the judge know what is going on. If you don't have money check with the District or Circuit courts and the state usally has an 800 number for help and if he is still abusive go to a shelter, people there can help you with the legal aspect. Keep your baby safe!!!

Alice - posted on 10/05/2009

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I know exactly what you are talking about when you say he can fool anyone into thinking that he is just so perfect, then changes when no one is looking. I have an x that wouldn't know the truth if it hit him in the face. I am going to court on the 15th against a order of protection that he put on me... He is 10 years younger than I am he has 3 children that I have done a lot for and I love and miss them very much. He lived with me and I ran into him with another woman a couple of weeks ago when I thought he was at work. found out that he had been cheating on me with her for about a year. Man I was mad and I let him and her know how mad I was. all was verbal no hitting or anything. My 10 year old was with me at the time. Any way I am fighting the order of protection against me because I have been nothing but good to him and his whole family and don't deserve to have this on my record. I have made him get his stuff out of my house and he still has more to get but I don't want to see him. This man can convince anyone of anything but every word out of his mouth is a lie. I do know that you do need to be the one to get an order of protection against him and let him go. Hopefully all he will get is every other weekend visitation and will have to pay childsupport but odds are he won't pay. I do wish you luck...If you lived closer to me I would take you and your child in and help you in a heart beat. I hate it when men use women and children. And never ever pictured myself in anything like this so I understand the stress that comes with what you are going through. Orders of protection don't usually cost anything and you don't have to show proof of anything when getting one. I think you need to stop thinking about it and just do it. Not just for you but for your child also. And be thankful that your parents are there for you. You couldn't be in a better place right now then with the two that raised and love you.

Molly - posted on 10/05/2009

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Right now I am unable to move. living with my parents has been alot better but thats as far as I'm going to get untill I can affored my own place. Tey are the only family I have close. Thank you every one for your support and all the answers you've given me.

User - posted on 10/05/2009

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First of all you must stand up for yourself & your daughter, no one else can do that!! Get a restraining order to keep him away from you. Go to the Friend of the Court in your county & seek child support. Hopefully you have family that will help you. You might be able to seek help from Social Services or an Women's Shelter. Best of luck! Been there, be strong & God will get you through this & to a better life.

Lena - posted on 10/05/2009

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Molly Hi, I'm so sorry hearing all these troubles that you and your daughter have. I have to agre with most of the others. My opinion is that you have to go to a good lawyer and tell him all the details, i'm sure that he's going to give you the best advises. And second try to leave from there with your baby and ask somebody from your family to go and stay with him. You need legal and psychological support. I wish everything goes well and live happy with your sweety!!!

[deleted account]

I think that (almost) everyone has given good advice here- I live in Australia so I cant give any legal advice obviously. But in terms of your personal problems- firstly I DONT think he's smarter than you as someone else unhelpfully suggested but I do think you have less confidence than him and he is possibly more cunning than you. So I would suggest some type of personal counselling- here in Australia, if you are on Govt Assistance you can get this free or very low cost- not sure if it's the same where you are but it's worth looking into. Or perhaps your local church or community group can help. The biggest thing you will need to get through this is a belief in yourself and your worth and your strength.

Lauren - posted on 10/05/2009

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You should really find a family member to go to for a little and call the cops on him if you know he's drunk driving or smoking...maybe that will help but show you are the better person and maybe get a restraining order. although i do not know what you're going through i'm sorry, keep your head up and be strong for your little one. i wish you the best but if you ever had bruises or anything there are domestic hotlines you can call for these purposes. good luck.

Sharon - posted on 10/05/2009

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oh dear god - she can't take custody of a SOUL - its SOLE - as in SINGLE. What is a Stringing order? An conctions?



She has to prove he does drugs to get that admitted to court.



FYI - hun - ask the judge to have him give a hair sample for the drug test as well as blood and urine. The hair will offer a time line for how often and how long he has been doing drugs. If he's smart he'll show up bald for court.



PS. do NOT tell him what you're doing, hoping it will scare him off. He sounds smarter than you - not by much - but look how tangled you are now. he's working all the angles.

[deleted account]

U need to get urself and ur daughter out of there go to a family member or a friends place......call for a lawyer and go for soul costdy this way he cant' take her out of the state/ provese.......get a stringing order on him....b/c of his drinking and drug promble there is no way the court will go for him having an conctions to his daughter the most they will say is get help go for parenting shops that type of stuff.......belive me i know how u feel.....best of luck

Sharon - posted on 10/05/2009

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first prove he is abusive. Get the order of protection, get a complaint filed against him.



Then worry about the other stuff.

Molly - posted on 10/05/2009

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Thanks you to every one. I have called legal aide and legal assistance. I dont know where to file or get a Personal Protection Order though. Can you help? I am going to call the sheriff office and ask them also, can I even get one if he hasn't touched me since Isabella and I moved? We moved at the end of june 2009 so it's been a few months.

Amanda - posted on 10/04/2009

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bring him to court for child support very import he will have to pay or he will have to go to jail

Amanda - posted on 10/04/2009

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im so sad by this. do u have family can they help maybe with a lawyer. maybe try to get a good appointed lawyer. the thing is if u realy want to keep her get a restraning order on him from u and ur daughtor if he voilates it he go to jail. next time he touch u take a pic of injores and call the cop. i know he your baby father but he hurt her mom and maybe if u dont protect he now her so do what u have to do to protect her from that terrible man

Nikki - posted on 10/04/2009

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i'm in michigan also and i went threw a similar sit 9 years ago with my dtr go to the court house and get in contact with legal aide there they can help also there is alph womens and prc if u need help for diapers formula and other thind like that they also have tons of info on where to go for help. this sounds bad but u sre better off getting state assistance because they will get a lawyer for you the lawyer will help you to get support or custody keep your diary and write down everything problem with a recorder is that if the person doesn;t know u r recording then u can;t use it also if you need more help u can call 211 and ask for anything including a lawyer that will help u for free. good thing about michigan is that if you can prove abuse u can get ride of him and he will not have anything to do with your dtr good luck feel free to contact me at pippy225@aol.com

nikki

User - posted on 10/04/2009

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Agrees with Krissy.....and remember this; they try to provoke you into slipping up. All those hurtful words they used on you when you were with him worked to upset you, so let them slide off your back, smile and remember they can't hurt you anymore. Think of it like this; the days before you met him you were strong and nothing affected you, you could play sport with the girls, you could say whatever you liked, you drove where you want, you ate what you want, you could speak about things without a care in the world, and laugh. Just do it, everybody else does. Go for that walk of life. Nothing affects you, because you are in control and you make your own decisions. You are important enough to make your own decisions; after all you don't give a damn what decisions he makes because you don't care what he does. Life, be in it....

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