I'M ALL ALONE!

[deleted account] ( 32 moms have responded )

I am 19 yrs old and 5 months pregnant my babyfather wanted me to do an abortion and I refused to do so. He tried to convince me by tell me he needs to go back to school and I still decided not to. He started to avoid me I called him and I went to his house and only to find out that he is having an affair with someone else and he physically abused me along with his new girlfriend. He has not giving me anything since I have been pregnant. He does even call my phone to find out how his child is doing. I just need some motivation because I don't know if I can do this on my own. Please help me!

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Danielle - posted on 05/03/2012

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The Q I would ask is if Shericka actually wants to be a mom at this point or if she's more looking for support to make it thru the pregnancy? Some women give birth even when they aren't ready to be moms. If Shericka isn't sure yet, then it might help to direct her to resources to better explain her options. Either way, there are moms here to support your decision and try to share tips & tricks learned that you might not have thought of to save you some headaches.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/03/2012

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Shericka,

You'll be fine. Thousands of women have been in your shoes and made it just fine.

Just make sure you have a paternity test done, and his name on child support papers, honey!

You don't need a man to raise a child. There are plenty of people that will be in your life that will be more than happy to be a mentor for your child, and supportive of you emotionally and mentally.

It does help if you have family (loving family) close so that you feel that love. Let your family help! Do you have uncles, etc? Male cousins? There's the male role model. Trust me, hon, you are going to be just fine.

Prayers and support headed your way

Denise - posted on 05/03/2012

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You can have whatever u want in life by changing your thought process. Start thinking about what u want in life and ur thoughts will generate ur actions. If u want a better life for ur daughter than what u had growing up then start invisioning the life u want and eventually u will have it. Concentrate on being the best mother for ur daughter and being grateful for what u Have. Don't concentrate on the negative things in ur life! I hope this helps.
Good luck,
Denise

Desiree - posted on 05/05/2012

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My intention here is not to berate you, however Im going to give you my honest opinion/suggestions and you can do with it what you will.
First off, if he was abusive why would you WANT him around?
Second you are 19 and not a child anymore. You made a choice ( having sex is a choice... whether the pregnancy was intentional or not, its always a possibility ) and you have chosen to keep this child. Having a child is NOT EASY. I dont care if your married or single or whatever. I have two kids, and I single mom'd it with my first one because my husband worked ALL THE TIME! It sucked, but you do what you have to. Its hard! But at the same time the most rewarding job a woman will ever have!
Since you're going to be doing this on your own, its going to be double hard! But you know what? You CAN do it. Its not always going to be fun. You're going to be tired. You're not always going to get breaks or time alone. You're going to have to work twice as hard to support yourself and the child. It sounds like you have a support system and that is great! I have faith that you will be a wonderful mommy, but that will ultimately be up to you.
I have friends who had children on their own who were much younger than you are, and you know what? I respect the hell out of them! They are great moms and work their tails off to do what they have to for their family! I recommend that you finish school or trade school! Get your education and a stable career!
I hope that you will stay far away from the father, he sounds like bad news to me. Too often I see young moms who rely on their boyfriends ( who are little more then children as well ) all because they dont know how to function on their own, and I am so frustrated with that! Pull up your big girl panties and be the best Mommy you can be. Will you be perfect? Ha! ( Im certainly not! ) But you can do the best that you know how to. There are programs out to help you, but dont rely on them. You need to make your own life. Not only will it be more beneficial to you in the long run, but it will show your child what you can achieve with hard work, even in a less then ideal situation.
My kids are 11 and 4. I've been with my husband for 12 years and we have struggled to get by for every one of them! After loosing my job I went back to school, which I will be finished with this summer, and be ready to start working again as a Medical Assistant. For the last two years I've been going to school full time and we've been squeeking by on one paycheck. I rarely see my husband because we work alternate schedules to keep the kids out of daycare as much as possible. Its been hard, but I know that this is the best thing for our family. Its been trying, filled with stress but now that Im so close to being done Im even more glad that I've stuck it out! I talk with my children all the time about its hard to do the right thing sometimes, and sure I could go get a crappy job anywhere but finishing this will give all of us a much better life and will be worth it in the end. All too often we dont look past the instant gratification.
My intention here is not to be preachy... just to give you some insight that I think you might find helpful. I hope that you will at least consider it.

Tiana - posted on 05/06/2012

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Some of the best parents in the world are single moms. Think about it-would you rather your baby not know his dad and be happy and healthy, or know his father and be exposed to the abus he's already shown you he's capable, not only with you, but others as well! You have to think about what's best for your baby. Obviously, you care more about the little one than that guy, because you decided to proceed with the pregnancy instead of an abortion, like he wanted. He's made it clear he doesn't want a part of either of your lives. Now, do you and your baby a favor, and start a new, healthy life without him. Who knows, a man may come along sooner than you think that will love you and your baby as his own. It happened to me, and he's a better father and dad to my son than his bio father. You CAN do this.

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NETTY BOO - posted on 10/22/2012

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ITS HARDER SAID THEN DONE I KNOW THIS 1ST HAND. IM GOING THROUGH THE SAME SITUATION .. ALL I CAN SAY IS KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND DONT LET IT HOLD YOU DOWN... I TRY THIS EVERY DAY TO GET THROUGH THE DAYS. ITS SOO HARD BUT IM SURE THAT YOUR A STRONG PERSON, N U N THAT BABY WILL BE OK, JUST LIVE LEARN AND MAKE SURE YOU LAUGH AT HIS DUMB A$% WHEN YOU N UR'S ARE ON TOP N HE IS RIGHT WHERE U LEFT HIM , IN THE GUTTER.. SMILE EVEN IF U HAVE TO MAKE YOUR SELF. I HAVE 2 OTHER KIDS AND THIS ONE ON THE WAY BY A DIFFERENT FATHER HE TURNED OUT TO BE WORSE THAN MY OTHER KIDS DADS WELL I GUESS ITS TRUE WAHT THEY SAY.... THE GRASS ISNT ALWAYS GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE, HE WILL REALIZE THAT OF COURSE WHEN ITS TOO LATE ,,... THANKS FOR REACING OUT. 1 LUV

Deborah - posted on 10/15/2012

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Shericka,

I am guessing that you have just had the baby. I wanted to respond to this because I have been there....twice. I was you age the 1st time and 21 the 2nd time. It was ridiculous for me to go through it a 2nd time, esp with the same person, but it is 12 yrs later and life has been great but not without struggles. I say just don't give up and learn to enjoy every moment with your child regardless of the "issues" that you may going on inside of you. Life is hard whether your child has a father in his/her life anyway so you just have to learn to find the sunshine in everything and everyday. I was married when my oungest was 3 yrs old and even my husband and I have faced struggles but if you keep a positive attitude then it all works out. And I just never took my eye off of what was most important which was setting a great example for my children and making certain that they enjoyed life. Things WILL get better so don't lose HOPE.

Pamela - posted on 05/08/2012

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Do you have any family? If so, go to them. Even if it means you must face some embarrassment or hear judgment against you for the choices you made. You can always heal from the energy projected at you through others.

However, right now you need love and support. If your Mother or Father, Aunt, anyone in your family shows you love and affection, now is the time to call on that person. If, indeed, you do not have any family member to turn to, contact a church or a group like Planned Parenthood.These kinds of organizations have programs to help young women who find themselves in circumstances such as yours.

Do NOT rely on your lover coming back or supporting you. You say he is abusive, so you definitely do not want such a man in your life for any reason....financial or otherwise.

Do not allow your pride to separate you from those who can help you. It is best for you to forgive yourself for your choices and the circumstances they have created....God has already done so. Now pick up the pieces and ACCEPT the help of a loving family member, friend or someone from a support group to help you make better choices from this point forward.

The highest and best to you and your baby. May you find comfort and loving support for the rest of your lives.

Suz - posted on 05/07/2012

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Lose this guy, HE IS A LOOSER! He will bring nothing but more pain and heartache to you and your baby. Get in touch with some women's groups where you live, and find out about support groups. When you are able, get your self back to school, make something of yourself, so you can provide a proper home for yourself and your child and don't look back at what you 'lost'

You will eventually meet someone decent who will appreciate and love you for the beautiful loving human being that you are! :)

Tina - posted on 05/07/2012

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Believ me although you may feel alone and hurt there will be no feeling like holding your first born.

Jennifer - posted on 05/07/2012

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My heart goes out to you, Shericka. I was twenty when I was pregnant for the first time. I turned 21 a few weeks before she was born. I had our third by the time I was 24. We weren't planning on having kids or getting married so young but now do to a medical issue we are thankful we had our kids so young. We wish we could have more.
We both worked crazy hours. Eventually we went to one pay check and didn't see him much. Now we get to see him every evening and all weekend. It was worth all the hard work.
I give you kuddos for doing this on your own. It was hard enough as two in their early twenties.
As for the abuse and affair, there is so much I could say but won't. I wish my mom had left my dad when we were younger.
Find some one to counsel you, get a paternity test, get the child support (unless it was bad enough that you are afraid of what he would do if he found you), and make sure you have medical insurance. I'm assuming your doctor is aware of your situation. If she is not let her know.
Several organizations such as Baptist Children's Home, Lutheran Family Services, Focus on the Family, and others offer help, not just state organizations. Some churches might have families willing to house you until you get back on your feet. I know a place in Ohio that has housing for unwed mothers.
I am now in my early 30's. It is awesome looking back and seeing how far we've come. Good luck. Gotta go. The kids are up and about. Feel free to message me.

Ronda - posted on 05/06/2012

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~hug~ I was left too!! I know how heartbreaking it is to let go of a dream. I will pray for you.
I think that the best you can hope for right now is to get some child support from him. Please don't go near him if he is abusive! You need to look out for baby now, and that includes protecting the little one who needs it so much!
Look into getting some help from social assistance, planned parenthood, pro-life organizations, Focus on the Family. You can do this! You won some of the battle by choosing life, and that says a lot for your courage. If you need more ideas message me.

LucyGish - posted on 05/06/2012

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Forget about the Daddy and focus on you and your child's happiness.
you wil b fine. Having a baby's daddy around is not always great. its as good u've broken up, if he could abuse u in your condition he is not worth sleepless nights. Single parents sometyms are the worlds greatest. just b yourself and do the best for your baby, u wil be happier and fine. rather b single and happy than have a man around who gives u heartache. it wont even be healthy for your child. good luck girl.

Jennifer - posted on 05/05/2012

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I was 20 when i got pregnant with my son and his father wanted me to abort the baby too. I refused because i don't believe in them and i couldn't give him up for adoption. I am now a 27 year old with a 6 year old son. I have never regretted my decision to keep my son. Some men are still boys and refuse to grow up and take responsibility for the children they create. You can do it. I am a single mother and i am doing it alone so can you. I had a lot of family to help me too and a very strong support system. Don't you ever let a "boy" tell you what to do. Do what you feel is right for you. The same man that fathered my son has a son with another woman he had been cheating on his gf with me and she has a son a year older than my son. Still to this day has never seen either child or he doesn't pay child support either. Some men are jerks. You can do better. Good luck.

Candace - posted on 05/05/2012

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I was in a similar situation and yes you can do it on your own! I an not going to say it its easy but if you want this child as it seems t that you do very much soooooo you can give this child a great life. My daughter is now 9 and has not seen her biological father in 5 years. I am married to a wonderful man who she decided was her Daddy. It is not easy but you can do it just don't give up on your hopes and dreams. Get your education that is the best thing you can do for your child. There are plenty of grants and scholarships that can allow you to do that. And by doing so you will be able to take care of your child on your own and have the greatest feeling of self accomplishment. All you can do is what you in your heart feel is right and give this child the best life you possibly can but the road ahead won't be easy but very well worth it every time you s see that Childs face lite up or smile at you, let that be your motivation and you will be a great mother. I was 18 when I got pregnant and wouldn't change a thing my daughter was truly a blessing from God

Brandi - posted on 05/05/2012

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I know this is hard, but you have some choices. For one, you can give your baby up for adoption. If this is not something u want to do, go to the health unit, tell them your situation and try the child support office. They can go ahead and get things set up to make him help as soon as the baby is born. This child is his responsibility too. You should never allow yourself to be abused by anyone. You deserve better.

Joyce - posted on 05/05/2012

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That guy is a loser! Stay away from him.If he beats up on women..whats to stop him from beating up on your child! There are plenty of people out there and state help for you.You are not alone.

Joyce - posted on 05/05/2012

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That guy is a loser! Stay away from him.If he beats up on women..whats to stop him from beating up on your child! There are plenty of people out there and state help for you.You are not alone.

User - posted on 05/05/2012

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Oh, sweetie. First of all, hugs. Guys are sometimes really stupid. Second off, please realize how amazingly lucky this baby is. I have so many friends my age that having been trying, and trying to get pregnant and just can't. This baby is so lucky to have you for it's mommy. I have 2 little boys that are the light of my life. My husband is 35 year old KID. I honestly don't think they ever grow up. :/ Anyways, hugs. Please keep this baby. I know so many that would give everything they have to have a little one that your so blessed to have. :/ Good luck with your decision.

Melissa - posted on 05/05/2012

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Find a crisis Pregnancy center in your area. They can provide counselling and support. I was actually at a training today to be a counsellor at my local pregnancy center and I heard an amazing story from a girl who was in your same situation 7 years ago. She was 20 and her boyfriend wanted her to abort. Her mom found a crisis pregnancy web site and she decided to go stay at a maternity house where she received care and counselling and ending up choosing an open adoption for her baby. She told the whole story and it was a difficult decision, but she said she has no regrets and feels really good about the life her daughter has. God has an amazing plan for you and your baby. Ask Him to show you. Blessings!

Michelle - posted on 05/05/2012

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You can be a single parent and do a great job just make sure you surround yourself with great people who support you. Now that you have decided to be a mom you have the job of shaping the baby that you will soon have into a adult for is a plus to society. You don't have to have lots of money and you don't have to be over 30 to be a good mom but the second that you have your child you are no longer alone you have a baby to think about 24/7 and I must say you do sound mature so I think you will do fine

Erin - posted on 05/05/2012

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You can do it... I think motherhood makes you a superhero. I got pregnant by someone I had dated for only 4 months. He went a little crazy when I got pregnant. I knew from minute one that a. I wanted my child more than anything and b. I would do it alone. Since I had my son I got my college degree and have worked my butt off- but nothing has ever been as rewarding. You can do it, sweetheart.find the strength and hold onto it!!!!!

Jara - posted on 05/05/2012

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Don't feel alone I.was 19 and got.pregnant with an older man who wanted me to.abort his child and to find out that the entire time I was preganant he was having an affair as well. You may feel alone but God is always with you and as soon as you see your child for the first time you will know it was all worth it. Read the 23 psalms!

Kelly - posted on 05/05/2012

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My friend had her daughter at age 14, married very shortly after that to then be abused & quickly divorced. She did not let any of this stop her from not only finishing high school, but getting a bachelor's degree & now at 30, she has completed law school & passed the bar, all without a father figure in her daughter's life, but with the support of her loving family & friends. Her daughter is about to graduate high school herself & the two of them are the closest mother/daughter I have ever seen. Liz did meet a good man about 2 years ago and she just recently had a 2nd child. Good things can come of a not so pleasant situation, but it takes a strong woman, which it sounds like you are & never be afraid to ask your loved ones for the extra love & support you need that you are not getting from the babies father. I wish you all the best.

Rachel - posted on 05/05/2012

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I found out I was pregnant at 18 with my daughter. I can tell you it is possible to do this on your own. I take great pride in finishing my four year college degree, having a good job, now working on buying my first house (on my own!) and of course being a wonderful mother to my daughter now 5 years old. I will tell you it is not easy, you absolutely need to surround yourself with people who are there to support you and you can depend on. It takes village, they say, to raise a baby and sounds like your better off if the father is not part of that village. You can do anything you put your mind to, sounds so cheesy but it's true.

Kara - posted on 05/05/2012

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Is there a Pregnancy Care Center in your area? They typically have lots of great resources to help women in your situation.

Lisa - posted on 05/05/2012

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Hi Shericka,
It is difficult being a single parent and there are many resources available. Definitely get a paternity test. Decide if you are going to raise your child or maybe have it adopted. If you have your families support it will make a great difference in yours and your child's life. I was raised for 12 years without a father and I understand what you mean about not wanting your child to grow up fatherless but there are many good men who will come into your life and possibly be a father to your child. I wish you and yours the best and you have many months to make decisions so I would find out all your options and make a plan. If you are working begin to set aside money for expenses, stock up on diapers decide if you want to use cloth while at home or disposable all the time, see about child care, and take a deep breath...If you believe in God lean on him and pray. Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.

[deleted account]

Yes I do and they give me there support but knowing that I didn't have a father around me when I was young. I didn't want my baby to go through the same situation.

Denise - posted on 05/03/2012

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U r not alone. It sounds like ur baby's father is not someone u should b with anyway! No one deserves to be physically abused! He should b there to support u and ur baby financially, but that is it! Do u have family members or close friends in the area? U r a very brave woman for not aborting ur baby and u will b a great mommy!

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