I'm going to be a single mom... I need guidance, please.

Laprincipessa77 - posted on 09/11/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )

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Hello all you beautiful, strong and courageous mommies out there! I am 23 years old. I just recently found out that I am pregnant with my first baby. When I told my fiance, he got really upset, pissed even. He told me it can't be his and that I must have cheated on him. I never cheated on him. The next morning he told me to, and I quote, "kill it". That day, I moved all of my things out and left him. I won't let anyone talk to or treat me that way. And to threaten the well being and safety of my child, HIS child... Well that's just outrageous and disgusting. But now I'm searching for a home, trying to get health insurance from my job, trying to buy a car, etc. I'm just stressed, and hormonal and really REALLY damn scared. How am I going to do this alone? If anyone out there has some comforting words or helpful suggestions...anything. I need help. I'm so lost.

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Laprincipessa77 - posted on 09/12/2013

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Thank you so much for your kind and encouraging words, Jennifer. I do live near family. I don't really have a group a friends though, so that's tough. But joining a new mommies group is a fantastic idea! I think that would really help...in every way. I am going to do everything possible to make life a happy and safe one for my baby. I just have to take it one step at a time, ya know? But it's still damn stressful. And if I lose this baby, I don't think I'll be able to come back from it. I adore this kid already, and he/she still looks like a little alien! Most days are good, then I fall back into the seemingly never ending cycle of worry, depression, hopelessness, etcetera etcetera. But your story did help. I threw my stick, and we'll see what happens next =) I hope the outcome is beautiful, healthy baby. Thanks again for taking your time to help me out through my difficult situation. I appreciate it more than I can say.

Jennifer - posted on 09/11/2013

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take a deep breath you will be just fine. The reason I know this is because you had the smarts to get out of a bad relationship right away. that shows real strength of character. I had my first daughter at 19 and my 2nd at 26. was a single mom until my oldest was entering high school. You can do it! Do you live near family? do you have a good group of girl friends? I suggest joining a new mommies group. and talking on here is also great. I was a high school drop out and when I got pregnant I decided to go back to school. I was able to stay with my baby other than when in class and my bills were paid, lived in family housing so I met a lot of other moms in the same boat and although scary I found myself through going to University. I now am a mental health therapist and get to help others find their passion. Do you have an education? maybe now is a get time to start. It is okay to be scared of being a new mom. you are not lost you are hormonal and in the middle of a big change. if you were not scared...Well that is when I would be worried for you. you will make this work. Obviously you are a strong young woman that has respect for herself. harness that remind yourself of your strengths. Make a list of them read them and soon you will live them. I have a story i tell my clients when they are in the midst of change and feel overwhelmed and scared. and I will share that story with you now. maybe it will help.

My brother helped me move to school. I had a 3 week old baby and I was a single mom. My boyfriend left when he found out i was pregnant. we unpacked my house and my brother said goodbye and got in the uhaul and was driving out of town (he lived 300 miles away) I called him and said " I changed my mind I cant do this come back and get me" he came back and sat as I cried in fear of what I was embarking on and he told me this story.
a master and a student walked along the forest path all day to reach the stream. the entire way the student talked abut the impending choices he had to make. should he go to school? get married? start a business? join the family business? and on and on and on and the whole way the master only listened. when they reached the stream the student fell silent. the master said "if you pick up that stick and throw it into the water where will it go?" the student replied "down stream of course" "No" said the master "I want you to tell me exactly where it will go" the student bent down and studied the water very carefully until he was certain. "Well if i throw the stick right there it will travel to the left swirl in that eddy go under that log and move through the grass there." "alright" said the master throw the stick" and the student did and it went in an entirely different direction than the one he predicted. the student looked down and shuffled his feet until he finally met the masters eyes "The important thing" said the master "Is to throw the stick."

Throw your stick pick any path and know that it truly is the journey you will enjoy more than the destination.
I am now 37 with a blended family of 6 kids and have been happily married for 5 years. I just had my 3rd baby girl 6 weeks ago and I am still scared and unsure all the time. and when I have those moments I remember my brother's story and I continue on and I remember that all my plans etc.. we never truly can know where our stick will take us.
hope this helps a little.

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