I'm here to help :)

Bernie - posted on 04/09/2012 ( 24 moms have responded )

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I have noticed of late that there is a lot of people on this board who do not understand what the term "sperm donor" means.



I'm here to help.



What a sperm donor is, is a man who goes in to a clinic, has tests/counselling, signs his rights away, and goes in to a room to deposit his 'goods' in to a container.



Obviously tests etc would be done on his 'little men' to ensure they are good and healthy.



Couples who are having trouble conceiving/single women, will go to a clinic and have counselling (so then they know what they are getting themselves in to ), sign a legal document to say they know that the donor has no rights to the child and that they can't go after the donor for child support etc.





A sperm donor is NOT a man who gets you pregnant (if you two were planning a pregnancy or not), finds out your pregnant and then does a runner. I don't believe that any guy, who you ladies call a 'sperm donor' would be 'willing' enough to get you pregnant and let you take him to court to get child support etc,Your confusing a dead beat dad for a Sperm Donor.



So what I'm trying to get at here is Sperm Donor's are not legally financially liable for their offspring (unless of course they have lied on their forms)

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~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/09/2012

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No, a rapist is a rapist. If his sperm happens to fertilize the womens egg, he is still a rapist. "Donor" would imply some sort of consent of the recipient.

Sneaky - posted on 04/09/2012

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** applause**



That was put so simply that EVERYONE should be able to understand it :o)

Tara - posted on 04/09/2012

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I guess that's another way of looking at it....I always saw 'those guys', that want nothing to do with their offspring as 'sperm donors'....but ur totally correct. 'Those guys' I mentioned can be liable for monetary responsibility .....as sperm donors are doing it just to eiher help out anonymous couples to procreate....or cuz they need a lil bit of cash....deadbeats are disgusting, especially when u consider what a blessing 'little ones' are....I have a lil boy that just turned 4, and every day be amazes me and I am in awe.....best thing I ever did- TRULY!!!!

Tammie - posted on 04/09/2012

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I agree with Laura, it implies his only contrabution was the sperm. I think it was the radio show host and self professed moraliety police/genious Dr Laura Slessenger who popularized the term in the 90s, its a slur when used not in medical terms, right up there with femanazi. But face it, some men are spermdoners! But some women are wicked evil to the fathers of their children too. Adult problems and its the children who get hurt. Face it ladies, usually its us who picks them!

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Jazmyne - posted on 11/25/2012

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I have both a sperm donor and an egg donor/ incubator. Meh. That's what I choose to call the disgusting, drug using, Alcohol drinking, child molesting, scummy peices of shit that chose to procreate with eachother to create my siblings and I. I also have failed adoptive shitholes, and a Dad. (only emotionally not by biology or adoption) These are how I identify to others who is who.

Erica - posted on 04/11/2012

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While I respect that MY use of the term 'sperm donor' may be offensive to some, I am usually tactful enough to restrict my usage to those I know well enough to trust their good humor and understanding of my situation would preclude any ruffled feathers. In my case, YES, I chose partners poorly, YES, he bailed the moment I announced I was pregnant, and YES, he has chosen to maintain little to no involvement with OUR daughter (5 years old today) despite my open-door policy. But by the grace of God I live in a country where I am afforded the right to call the genetic contributor to my offspring anything I choose, including "scumsucking asshole douchebag" (which fortunately is not true in my case) or "sperm donor"



Agree w/Ronda L, it's slang, just as everything that was good was "bad" some years ago (OMG did that phrase just escape my mouth? I'm sooooo old!)

Ronda - posted on 04/11/2012

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oh dear, that is funny! I think people use the term as slang Bernie. I don't think it is mean in a literal sense. Just like I have a problem with a lot of my children's current slang (everything is "chill"). I just sigh and know I won't be able to change a hundred million kids.

Bernie - posted on 04/10/2012

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You can't refer to the man who got you pregnant (through sex ) as a sperm donor! Or if you were concieved naturally (I was not) That defeats the purpose the term! Given that he signs away his rights and the family accept that

The man who donates his sperm for you to get pregnant via a clinic is annonymous up until the offspring is to age to tell.

For the record, I am a Mother, not a man -who wants a say lol

Sarah - posted on 04/10/2012

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Year tthis month. Alright. I'd like to say that joy! I agree that I'm also going to call my almost 3 year old s "dad" a sperm donor and feel that each person has different circumstances but I'm 100% sure he does not deserve or earned the name father or dad. My situation is he was 29 (so he is ten years older ) which means I was 18 when he got me pregnant and turned 19 ,11 days prior to having my son. 3 weeks prior to his birth the sperm donor got arrested for breaking and entering for a lap top so he could buy an oxycontin. So I know I had a choice but with pre cancerous cells in my uterus (abnormal cervical cells) my doctor had informed me that a baby later in life may not be possible( with 2/2:of my dads sisters had breast cancer and one died) so I wasn't missing that possible only opportunity in life. Now after going to jail for 2 years he was released in April of last year. My bf of over a year drove us down to Hamilton for my son to meet his dad on his release day ( kinston jail) well that was the only time he ever seen him and its been a year this month. I'd like to mention he calls and texts telling me he's going to see him and give money for him but never has. I also set up Merrymount visits so were not fighting or anything around my son. He's never gone for a visit and he's been living in London for a few months . What we have is someone that wants me ans since he can't have me so he doesn't take care of my son. He does and sells drugs , and he's dangerous so I went to court n he didn't come so I got him to sign away rights . And get this he still calls/ txt . So if you didn't get the point he's a sperm donor. Nothing else. Oh might I mention I'm in Lit training and will be taking my IT next year I have a good family and really good morals I was not looking downtown for a dad. Anyways this is the truth no matter how bitter. Good luck ladies .

Kim - posted on 04/09/2012

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a father helps create a baby, a Dad helps raise a child (biological or not)

Merry - posted on 04/09/2012

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So now I'm curious, does a rapist get to be called a sperm donor?

Or is he a dead beat dad?

I think the 'dad' part in dead beat dad is why many choose to call such men sperm donors cuz there's nothing 'dadlike' about them.



I don't refer to my dad as a dad unless I have to for clarity, he's not a dad to me. But I don't refer to him as a sperm donor cuz he was in my life throughout my childhood. Just not beneficially.



In my mind the term sperm donor implies the man has never met his child or maybe has, but never been around. It implies all he's ever given was sperm' not time money or love.



When used correctly it can help others know what type of man he is/was but I agre it's often overused in wrong contexts

[deleted account]

I will continue using the term "sperm donor" in reference to my father because it's nicer and much easier to say than "scum sucking douche bag ass hole" every time he comes into conversation. I am smart enough to know the literal and proper definition of the term "sperm donor", but thanks for clearing it up for those who may not know its meaning.

WTF???

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/09/2012

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Meh...it isn't worth the argument. One way or another sperm was donated to make a baby. Dead beat dads sometimes do not want anything to do with said child and can legally give his parenting rights away...in turn leaving him a sperm donor. Semantic.

Jodi - posted on 04/09/2012

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If I could also add, is the term "sperm donor" yet another term we are going to turn into something that becomes offensive because of the way in which we use it? Take 10 minutes to think about that if you will.

Random - posted on 04/09/2012

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No kidding? I always was under the impression that they were rewarded for their efforts. Huh. My bad.

I agree that a "sperm donor" is not the same as your child's biological father. I don't care how much of an ass he is. You screwed him. He's the father.

Jodi - posted on 04/09/2012

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Actually, they don't get paid where I live. In fact, they even have to forego their anonimity (sp?) here. So for that reason, I very much endorse the OP's sentiments.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/09/2012

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I agree America, the deposits were just made differently.

Random - posted on 04/09/2012

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I always thought Sperm Donor was a misnomer anyway. They get PAID for that shit.

So, they really ought to be called "Sperm Suppliers".

Katie - posted on 04/09/2012

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Firstly I am NOT defending anyone who would call the deadbeat dad a sperm donor in 'one-upmanship'. It is indeed very insulting and offensive to the father, and especially to anyone who was ever created thanks to the gift given by a genuine sperm donor. But I just want to point out that chances are the women who use this term negatively may have had an extremely traumatic experience with the deadbeat dad which caused/still causes a lot of pain and therefore they perhaps feel the 'Dad' might not deserve the title. 'Dad' for most people is a sacred word earned through positive parenting, involvement, stability and love demonstrated towards the child. Again, I want to make it absolutely clear that I am not defending the incorrect use of the term 'sperm donor', I am simply trying to explain the possible feelings of the person saying it. Thank you though for making us all aware of the damaging effects it can have when used in the wrong way. I acknowledge that.

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