[deleted account] ( 1 mom has responded )
I have been with my husband for 13 years and I am madly in love with him. He is very successful and incredibly handsome and women throw themselves at him daily, even right in front of me. We have two children together under the age of nine and his job forces him to travel, sometimes year round. For the last 12 years I have always gone with him and the kids as well but the school has told us we can no longer take them with us. The problem is that he cheated on me and it wasn't a little slip up. Ten years into our marriage he informed me that he had never stopped seeing his girlfriend before he married me but he broke it off with her and he will never cheat on me again. He is my very best friend and we call each other soulmates. We really love spending time together and people say that we are adorable together as a couple. To my knowledge he has not cheated on me since and even his therapist tells me that he asks him all the time if he is being faithful and he swears that he is. The last job that my husband committed to take on requires him to be out of the country for nine months and because my kids are in school I have to stay home with them. He has come home to visit twice and its gut wrenching when he leaves again. I cry almost every day because I am certain that he is cheating on me again. No proof, just a gut feeling. It is so difficult to hide the tears from my kids and I get so upset that I can't eat and break out into hives often after thinking about it too much. I have threatened divorce so many times because I am miserable but he always talks me out of it. At this point, I don't even think it matters if he cheats or not because I am so miserable being married to someone that is never here. It is the loneliest thing I have ever experienced. I got a massage the other day and had to fight back the tears because it was the most I have been touched by a man in ages and I realized that I need to feel loved in that way again. I want someone to share my daily life with and snuggle up in bed with. I am so broken hearted because I know I can't keep this up much longer. He just told be that he might be taking on two more projects so he will be out of the country again next year for nine months. I told him if he takes the jobs then I am going to divorce him. We don't need the money and it's as if he is choosing his career over his family. It breaks my heart because our kids are so young and he rarely even asks to speak to them on the phone. How can he choose to be away from watching his kids grow up? The biggest problem of all is that I never regained trust in him and its worked because we were always together but now that he is so far away the fact that I don't trust him is killing me. I'm starting to really worry about my health because of the stress from worrying about it. I called my friend and said that I'm finally getting to the point of filing for divorce but it just seems wrong to divorce a man that I am so madly in love with and who says he can't live without me. I am so miserable. Please, any advice is welcome. My attorney and some friends have advised me to just stay married to him and let the money keep rolling in but I don't care about the money and I don't want to get a man on the side. I'm not the cheating type. I have loads of extremely powerful men constantly hitting on me and it makes me think that I might be wasting my youth (or what's left of it) on a lying, cheating husband. I'm haunted by the fact that he cheated on me for ten years and I had no idea. When I found out it almost killed me. What if he is still lying and it takes me another ten years before I find out? What should I do? Divorce the love of my life? Or stay and hope that he's not cheating again but sentence myself to the loneliest life ever!