I'm kind of offended when my BFF calls my biracial son a "mocha baby" ... am I just over-reacting?

Kayla - posted on 04/04/2014 ( 12 moms have responded )

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My husband is Nigerian, I'm Canadian and we're expecting our first child next month. My best friend often refers to my expected son as a "Mocha Baby" and I find it kind of offensive, although I can't say exactly why. (Maybe it feels like she is making a joke out of our interracial family?)

Am I just being over sensitive? I realize my son (and any future children) will have to deal with lots of variations of the "What ARE you question" as he is biracial and will look exotic, but I can't help but feel a little ticked when I hear the term "Mocha Baby".

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Tonilyn - posted on 04/07/2014

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Honestly, I wouldn't be offended. Your friend probably thinks it's a cute nickname and is not really concerned with the fact that he's bi-racial, because she loves you. So she probably doesn't even realize it bothers you a little. With this being your first baby I can understand emotions are high and you might be a little concerned about what kind of names kids "might" be calling him in the future. Just remember that those cute little names your close friends and family give him, are just that. I hope this helps.

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Emma - posted on 04/09/2014

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It's offensive. Ask her to please stop. If you had a white baby she wouldn't point out the colour of his/her skin by calling baby "milky" or something similar.

Kim - posted on 04/08/2014

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my kids are mixed..it wouldn't bother me if I knew my friend was just being funny & not mean. If you don't like it..tell her.

James - posted on 04/08/2014

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Mocha Baby doesn't seem to have any implied or subtle racism about it. However if it bothers you just ask your friend to stop. There are many different non-racist terms for mixed race children, and this is one of them. If she had called your children mudblood or half breed -that is a totally different story. Mocha baby is not an offensive term to the vast majority of people - so nobody is going to know that it upsets you unless you tell them. However you may wish to consider that you truly are being a bit over sensitive (which is natural, these are your kids) and you may want to try letting it go.

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I don't think you are overreacting. It doesn't matter if anyone else thinks the name is cute if it is offensive to you then that is all that matters. I raised my niece for many years while my sister was overseas and she is biracial. I must say I was amazed at some of the ignorant things people said. Unfortunately, most people don't think before they speak. If someone asked in a way that I found offensive about what she was "mixed" with; I would smile and say her mother and father! After all it really isn't anyone's business. I don't know if your BFF is making a joke out of your family. You know her sense of humor and maybe she is/isn't we can only guess....If it was me, I would want to know I was offending my friend. A real friend would not intentionally hurt your feelings especially since you are pregnant. Good luck with your pregnancy and I wish you and your husband all the best. By the way I would not be okay with the name either.

Denikka - posted on 04/07/2014

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I personally wouldn't be offended. Mocha's (the coffee :P) are sweet, delicious and the most gorgeous color. I wouldn't personally see it as being much different than calling a child sweetiepie or cupcake or whatever.
But it obviously bothers you, so just talk to your friend. Let her know that it bothers you and, if it's just a sweet nickname, maybe help her pick something else out that you feel is more appropriate :)

Michelle - posted on 04/05/2014

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I would be telling your friend to stop and that your baby is a baby like any other. It doesn't have to be stereotyped before it's even born.
I don't understand why people have to bring race into everything.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/05/2014

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Oh btw, I find that biracial kids are the most beautiful!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 04/05/2014

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I wouldn't like that either. I have biracial children, and if someone called my children any names that would be offensive, I would be all over that. You need to tell your friend how it makes you feel. If she is a true friend, she will feel awful and stop. She just may not realize how it makes you feel. You are not being overly sensitive.

Gena - posted on 04/05/2014

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Please dont take this offensive but i actually find the word Mocha baby cute.I dont know what you will call your baby,biracial?If the Mocha baby offends you then maybe tell your friend that you dont like it and that she can use the word biracial or whatever you call your baby.Actualy i think she should just call your baby,baby..because does it matter what skin colour it has?Personally i think no. Good luck, and i dont think your friend is trying to offend you.

Andrea - posted on 04/04/2014

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First off Congrats to you and your husband...
I am the little Sister of a biracial brother { mom had him when she was young} He is 7 years older then I am.. I never knew there was a difference until I started school and some kids where making fun of me for having a Oreo brother.. Over the years I have been told Many Many names { some of them would really upset me and cause me to act out to defend my brother} about my brother and all I can to the DUMBASSES is I love him just the way he is.. My brother always refereed to himself as Mocha or Carmel completion.. I also got to the point that where when people would ask why I wasn't biracial, I would say OMG I'm not wow something must have went wrong.. { even though it's just that we have different fathers} Bottom line is you Little One is going to be a Handsome, Beautiful little guy..

You need to explain to your best friend that it upsets you, When she refers to your little one as a coffee.. I am sure she isn't meaning in negatively, I know I have head many of my brother's friends { who are also biracial} refer to them self and Carmel, Dark Chocolate, Mocha, ect.. I know that one that would set my brother off was Ashy... He did not like when some would call him ashy, he would get very defensive..

Otherwise just ignore your friend and Be proud and confident of yourself and family...
Hope this is helpful... Take Care and Best wishes

Rosanna - posted on 04/04/2014

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just ignore uneduacated plp!!!we love our kids regardless ethnical background omg!! all I can say to you my dear is just hold your head and always confident!!

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