I'm losing sleep over my 14 year old daughter's friend issues!

Terri - posted on 05/15/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )

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My 14 year old daughter has a friend that is ignoring her and being rude to her. Its been going on for awhile, but lately shes been acting like they were never friends. I may have made things worse last week because I snapped at the friend because she wouldn't move over to let another girl in the car. My daughter is sad about losing her friendship but also sees her as a social climber. She kind of runs from one friend to the next. It's just sad because my daughter seems to be more reserved than most girls and doesn't reach out to make friends easily. She has a few friends, but no one seems to ask her to do things lately, she has to do the asking.I'm just worried because its the end of 8th grade and I'm afraid she will have a tough summer before high school. Is it possible that i made things worse by snapping at her old best friend for being rude to their other friend? Should I apologize to her friend? I noticed that she's not asking for rides this week! Should I encourage my daughter to talk to her about why it seems like she doesn't want to be friends any more? I also think that my daughter isn't good at reaching out

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Stephanie - posted on 07/23/2012

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when i was her age i had that problem it was mostly because i was not popular and they would try to get rid of me so they could be friends with the "kool kids" my friends would totally ignore me and make up excuses like "my dad said i cant hang out with you any more" and i knew they were lying so i would just ignore it but i wouldn't suggest talking to your daughter about that you should just tell her if shes going to be like that shes odv not worth your time, she will find good friends soon! its a matter of time and her friend will realize what she lost and will want to be her friend again.

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Violet - posted on 07/23/2012

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And by the way, Terri, I completely get why you snapped at her friend. I have been so mad at my daughter's friend I have wanted to text her or say some snippy comment -- hard not to act like a 14 year old yourself!! I keep having to remind myself that i"m supposed to be the rational one!! :)

Violet - posted on 07/23/2012

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Oh my God -- I am going through the exact same thing!! I feel like a crazy person because I am not sleeping thinking about my 14 year olds social life. I know this is the time when girls do things like this, but it is so hurtful to my daughter and more importantly I worry about my daughter's ability to make friends. My daughter has had the same best friend since they were babies, but lately this girl does not call my daughter -- will not get together with her at all. And she lives across the street so my daughter can see her friend getting together with everyone but her! Also, my daughter seemed to have a big group of friends at school -- 15 girls -- but lately they have not invited my daughter to a few events either. This summer only one school friend has called to invite her to do something. My daughter is very pretty and funny, but she can also be a little harsh. She's not a gossipy girl at all, but much more of an in-your-face kind of person, so I worry that people think she is mean. The truth is she is very insecure and I think in trying to make herself "fit in" she jokes with people in ways that might hurt someone's feelings. The difficult thing is she is very private and doesn't ask my opinion on things so it's hard for me to talk to her about some of her behavior and why she might be losing friends without making her feel worse about herself. Any suggestions???

Stifler's - posted on 05/16/2012

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She needs to learn to cut her losses now rather than waste time trying to be friends with someone who is a jerk. Trust me I tried to be friends with everyone and nice to everyone and you end up with no real friends just trying to please everyone.

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