I'm not a mom I'm a dad dating a mom with 2 kids

[deleted account] ( 5 moms have responded )

My name is Nick, and I know it's a moms sight but I need a moms view. I am a father of 2 a 6yr old and 2yr old, I separated from their mothers a year ago, and shortly after started dating my current gf who has a 6 yr old and at the time 2minth old. My ex he asked me for our sons not to have any contact with her for at least 6 months(which I understood and was ok with).. It's been a year and I'm not comfortable with her children I love her to death but her children just keep me on edge. Everything the baby does drives me crazy, and the older girl she's just manipulative,from it just being her and her Mom for so many years. So when we went to the courts my ex made she she put in the court order there's no contact, then I wasn't able to see my sons from November until March. My son Joao didn't take the split well he's been having to go toa therapist since September for anger outburst . So I just got my sons back and my gf wants me to move in and start a big family, which I'm hestiant of because I feel I need my sons to adjust to being with me again first and then introduce her and her kids. And then also they way they make me uptight I'm not really jumping out to move in. Like I said I love her with her with everything and I understand she wants a family for her children but I feel I need to do right for my sons, so she's trying to split up because I won't move in. Please I need a mothers view because I think I'm looking out for my sons. And we just had a a baby boy 2 weeks ago

5 Comments

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River - posted on 04/17/2015

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Try getting all of the kids together at the park or something like that and see how they do together

Raye - posted on 04/16/2015

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I think you should tell her that you're not just making excuses. You do love her. You do want to be with her. But if she feels she needs to leave because things aren't happening on her time table, then you're very sorry that she does not care enough about you to stick around through a difficult time, and you understand that she has to do what she feels is best. Tell her if she is going to leave you, you're glad this is happening now, before your lives became even more intertwined. Tell her you care enough about her to want to see her happy, and if she knows she won't be happy with you, then that sucks, but you will let her find her happiness.

Then you have to be prepared for whatever decision she makes. If she leaves, go to court and get custody/visitation/child support all worked out for the baby and then go about living your life. If she stays, great. Sit and talk and try to work out a plan for your future.

Raye - posted on 04/15/2015

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Nick,
The so-called "experts" often recommend not even being introduced to the kids from previous relationships for 6 months to a year, so, no, just because you've dated for a year does not mean it's time to move in. People need to move at a pace that is comfortable for them. Because things happened so fast in the beginning, I think it's wise to slow it down and give you and your kids time to adjust before taking another big step. If you really want to spend the rest of your lives together, what's another 6 months or so? Tell her that your child together is not a bargaining chip or a possession to be used to manipulate you. It's a living being. Ultimatums are bad news, and using your kids is even worse. Sounds like this girl is insecure, immature, and selfish. She's not seeing the bigger picture. If you do want to continue the relationship with her, you have to reassure her that you do love her and you do want a future together, but you have to consider the needs of the whole family, not just one person in that family.

Raye - posted on 04/14/2015

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You have to do what's right by your kids... all your kids... meaning the new one too. Don't rush into moving in together if you're not feeling it. You should sit down with her and discuss a plan and come up with a timeframe and goals to accomplish before moving in. Your plan should include her oldest behaving better, your kids readjusting to the new visitation schedule, YOU becoming more understanding and helpful with her youngest and the new baby. Tell her you want to work it out and for the relationship to be successful, and right now that means taking it slow. You did kind of jump into things with her, and you don't want to keep making the same mistake. So go slow. If she doesn't understand you want what's best for ALL the kids, then maybe she's not the right person or the circumstances are just getting in the way. If she feels you're the one for her, she should be willing to wait.

Ev - posted on 04/14/2015

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Okay, let me get the story straight.

You split from the mother of your own two boys mother just a year ago.
Your ex asked that you not have your sons in contact with the new girlfriend.
You have been dating said girlfriend for about a year then?
You are not comfortable with her kids.
You went to court with the ex and in the orders she had put there was no contact for what reason? You did not have any time with them from NOV to MAR.
Your one son has not taken things well and has been in therapy.
You just recently got the chance to see your sons again.
Girlfriend wants to move in and you are hesitant for the sake of your boys whom are now just getting used to you again.
And you just had a baby with the girlfriend 2 weeks ago.

First, your ex was right in wanting you to wait on the kids meeting a new girlfriend.
Second, you are not comfortable with her kids because of the older one being manipulating and so on. At the same time, GF wants you to move in to make a family with the kids but you are hesitant and that is fine. You should not jump into something you are not ready for especially with kids involved. If you do not want to move in that is fine and she can learn to deal with that until you feel comfortable with things.
Third, I do not understand why you had another child with the new GF in the first place.

You needed to get over your past relationship first. You basically jumped from one woman to another kids or not. I do not think you gave yourself the chance to get over the ex.

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