I'm not a mom, I'm the daughter. bad parent? PLEASE READ

Zoe - posted on 12/20/2014 ( 7 moms have responded )

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Okay, There is a lot to say; but I will try to shorten it. sorry for the unorganization. PLEASE READ ALL I am 16 years old, and I live with my mom always have (single parent, divorced when I was 4). 3rd to 9th grade, mom didn't really pay attention to me, to busy with "boyfriend". 8th grade until now (11th), my mom has been doing some things that hurt me and I don't agree with. In 8th grade, that's when she found out I was drinking, and she would let me and my friends drink. 9th and 10th grade, I had an mentally and physically abusive boyfriend for a year and a half, (which I never told my mom about until I broke up with him). While we were dating, he would convince her to buy him alcohol and cigarettes all of the time, and she would let me and him drink. Whenever me and him would fight, she would chose his side over mine almost everytime. It was almost that my ex was her child, and I wasn't. They would talk to eachother about everything, and message eachother on FB about stuff. I started smoking weed, and she found out and didn't care; or try to stop me. She would even give me money to buy it if I asked. I became addicted, and was smoking every day because of depression (abusive boyfriend). When me and my ex broke up (still kind of seeing eachother), I told my friend what he was doing, and she told my mom. My mom acted upset and really caring at first, but then when my ex started talking to her, she started choosing him over me... again. He called her non stop trying to talk to her, and of course she still talked to him. I told my mom clearly I did not want contact with him anymore, and she would say things like "He just wants to be friends, just talk to him." Even my friends told my mom to stop, because they knew I wanted nothing to do with him. They thought it was weird she was sticking up for him even after what he did to her own daughter. After a while, I think she realized I wasn't gonna see him anymore, so she stopped, but she still talked to him. Over the next several-ish months, I was still smoking everyday, and drinking a few times a week. I moved to a new town, and made some new friends. Over the few months, a couple different problems happened. I had parties at my house constantly, WHILE MY MOM WAS THERE. She knew it was happening, and she would drink with the kids too, and buy them alcohol. One party, my mom had sex with one of my 19 year old friends. My mom still denys it, but my friends have told me they know for a fact it happened. I feel embarrassed, and disgusted. People in my town allways say things about it and it upsets me. Another party, my mom flashed her boobs to kids. Which again upset me a lot. One thing that upset me a lot was that when I went to a party, got blackout drunk, got an MIP, and my mom didn't even care. I went back home, and some kids showed up at our house, still trying to drink. Some kid I had a "thing" with came over as well. My bestfriend told me everything that happened that night, because I didn't remember. I guess I was out of control, yelling, hitting stuff, just being inappropriate. My best friend was in my room trying to make me sleep, the then kid I had a thing with came in, and told her to get the F*** out of my room. He shut the door and turned off the light. Everyone at my house the next day told me what happened, because I didn't remember. I had sex with that kid, and I didn't want to. I didn't even remember. Apparently my mom walked in while it was happening, and didn't even do anything. I got raped, and she didn't even care?!?! After that, I because an alcoholic, drinking almost every night. I didn't go to school that year, and only went half the year before. Now I am a junior and haven't gone to school this year at all. I have half of a credit. My mom doesn't make me go to school so I just don't. Most times I just want to sleep all day. I'm depressed my life is a mess, I'm a failure and my relationship with my mom is ruined. She is an alcoholic, which upsets me because I am sober, and I don't like to be around that stuff anymore. Sorry for the unorganization, theres just to much to say, and I can't say it all. Please help me someone, what do I do? Why does she do this? I want a real parent...

7 Comments

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Mommabird - posted on 12/20/2014

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Im a mother to 6 children ages 1-24 and I have never been/ nor will I ever be that kind of parent. I wasnt raised by a parent like that either so I dont know what its like...but I know people personally who have been through things like this. The only thing you didnt mention ,that Im curious about, is where is your dad? Do you see him, have any kind of relationship with him? Any brothers and sisters? If your mom is the only family you have and the only support(or lack of) you've had then its no wonder you took a wrong path in life for so many years. You were a child who had no positive influence, no direction in life. But you are 16 now and almost an adult. You have alot of life experiences already to fill any psychologist's ears full. I agree, you would benefit so much by talking to one as soon as possible(if you arent already). I hope things start looking up for you and I for one would like to hear back from you on how you're doing in the near future. Stay strong ,and best wishes for you Zoe :)

Carman - posted on 12/20/2014

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I'm a mother and I can not see me allowing my teen to drink and smoking anything. No judging,no pointing fingers but you need a hug and support from living caring people.

Dove - posted on 12/20/2014

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For lack of better words... that sucks. I'm sorry you have gone through all that. It's not right and it's not fair... at all.


Now... what do YOU want out of your life? What do you want it to look like? Do you want to follow in your mother's footsteps or do you want to make a life for yourself?

Take a long hard look at her life... and at yours... and then make a choice and go for it. You can either blame your mother for the choices in your life or take responsibility for yourself and make a change. No, it's not easy, but it IS possible. Get yourself totally clean, go to school, get a job... seek counseling (you may have insurance that covers it or there may be low cost mental health services available... reach out and find out).

Hang in there! I hope you start making choices in life that will benefit you vs. continue to harm you. ♥

Sammie - posted on 12/20/2014

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Idk if this is allowed but you can add me on fb. My address is afraidofthedark58 at yahoo.

Sammie - posted on 12/20/2014

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I know exactly what your going through. I had a mother that cared more about herself than her own kids, and till this day i cannot understand how someone (a parent) who is supposed to love and care for their children put them last. Only thing i could think of was they either never got to be a child or never want to grow up.

Lyndsay - posted on 12/20/2014

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Hi there, I cant read all of your post properly, due to the type of phone i have but you sound like you need someone to talk to, my email address is panni-2@hotmail.com. If you can copy your post and email me, we can have a chat? X

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