I'm only three months pregnant, what steps can I take to ensure that I won't lose my child to father?

Tylar - posted on 03/02/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




As I said I am ONLY three months pregnant but the babies father has become absolutely terrible. He and I were together for a very long time and had an awful break up which lasted for six months before we started dating again. Two months into that I got pregnant, great timing. Well the father does nothing for me as far as paying for my check ups or medications and because I am 22 I am still on my family insurance, so that's also not related to him. I've taken steps to acquire medicade while I finish up the tail end of my college career so that I can attempt some kind of independence from my parents. Lately I have very little contact with the father and have chosen to be very superficial about what I talk about because I know it's just a matter of time before he rips into me about being a terrible person and a "b*tch* of all sorts. Well last night I made an attempt to tell him how I was feeling what with giving up grad school and internships and how worried I am thats I won't be able to get a job with my baby belly. Well in his usual fashion he chose to believe I was attacking him in some way and became very vicious. Telling me he didn't want to hear my sh*t any more, that he sends himself every text message and even made a big stink about recording our phone call. (Mind you I was balling my eyes out asking him WHY he was being so mean over and over.....I'm sure THAT will help him in court). He tells me all he wants is for bus to raise the baby in a happy loving environment together but he's doing all these things in preparation for court. I have not been doing these things as I had no intentions of going to court. In all it scares the crud out of me that I don't even want to talk to him for fear that it will be used against me. As a background, I am 22 years old, I will be graduating with my BA in May sand my daughter will be here in September (mommas intuition about gender) . I intend on settling for nothing less than a job that will give my child and I security with benefits and all. The father however is 21, works non stop at two jobs but never seems to have money to show for it. He has a history with drugs (I absolutely do not). And his family only gives him advice on how to "cover his a**" (mind you this guy still INSISTS that he loves me for only me). My family on the other hand are both college graduates with two awesome jobs who have and will support me to no end (they've bought me my first months diapers already!) . In my mind there was never a contest between he and I becauseour state already heavily sides with the mother plus my education (and hopefully job soon) and my supportive family compared to his non existent family, court record, and part time jobs I really thought I would be in the clear if worse came to worse. But I'm starting to get scared, he's already making attempts to take away my child, whom I have not even felt kick yet. I've made the decision togive her my last name and I intend to leave the father section blank on the birth certificate. I realize that this would affect child support, but I'm not in any of this for money, I just don't want my daughter taken away before I even start showing. What other steps can I take? And how should I be dealing with all of this?


~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/02/2014




Yuk. This situation is hard.

First off, stop communicating with him. Secondly, get a lawyer. Thirdly, please DON'T give that child his name, cause even if you somehow cave and get back together with this horrible douche bag, it won't last.

Continue with school. Don't drop out because you are having a baby. If you can still go to grad school, that will be your best way to achieve your goals of supporting you and your child. I really hope you have a wonderful support system at home. That will be a key to your success.

Drop the dead weight. Stop conversing with him. If you need a restraining order, do so. GET A LAWYER!!


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Tylar - posted on 03/02/2014




Yea the restraining order wasn't really something a saw nessisary for the situation currently. However I did believe that leaving him off the birth certificate would be a little helpful, but it seems either way with that I'm in the same boat really. I suppose in my mind if I didn't ask for child support it would just be easier for him to go away....even if that's not logical. It's just a really unfortunate situation. Thank you for the knowledgeable answers!

Jodi - posted on 03/02/2014




Leaving him off the birth certificate is not likely to have any effect on his rights, just so you know. If you try to keep him out of your baby's life, he has every right to petition the court for a DNA test (AND possibly have himself added to the birth certificate) and gain some level of visitation. So cutting him off will do you absolutely no good. He can't do any of this until the child is born, but you should prepare yourself. You should also make sure, while we are filing, you file for child support. He also has an obligation to financially support his child. You are unlikely to "lose" your child, but you will likely have to agree to visitation.

With regard to the communication, stop attempting to tell him how you are feeling. Keep any conversation to a minimum and keep it objective and about the baby.

I disagree about the restraining order - it was YOU who contacted him, not the other way around. I don't see that he has done anything to warrant requiring a restraining order. If you stopped contacting him about things, it wouldn't be an issue.

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