I'm so angry at my 14yr old daughter

Tracy - posted on 01/28/2016 ( 20 moms have responded )

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I found out that my 13yr old daughter and my boyfriends 16yr old son had sex on my living room couch about 6 mos ago she was a virgin and has just turned 14. My boyfriend and I have discussed at length how their relationship is not healthy for either of them. I had hoped that it would just fizzle out but they seem to think they are in love and that are going to spend the rest of their lives together. There are so many issues I have with them having a romantic relationship, I have so much anger about the disrespect of them actually having sex in my living room when I was back in my bedroom taking a nap. I have so much resentment towards them both and they are both good kids. The boy's dad and I have been in a relationship for over a year and have talked about marriage but honestly I think.....how can I marry a man when our kids have had sex and still like each other, I mean I feel like we will constantly have to watch them never be able to go to bed without wondering if they are sneaking around in the house. I'm just so angry and disappointed I know kids screw up but I honestly don't know what to do with this.

20 Comments

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Lisa - posted on 01/31/2016

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I'm so glad you all are working things out .
But you really don't have to justify yourself to anyone . You asked for advice not critics.

Tracy - posted on 01/31/2016

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I am making sure my daughter's safety is top priority, first of all she was not coerced into having sex with him i've already discussed that with her as well as sat down with the two of them and talked about all of this. She and I are going to a counselor at our church and addressing any and all of these issues and have actually since my initial post have reached a new level of communication and I'm very thankful for that. She also realizes having sex at her age can have no positive effects on her life. We will continue to work together. I appreciate the concerns and the advice I have received thank you everyone.

Ev - posted on 01/31/2016

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That is what I am saying as well. She is too young. No 13 year old needs to have sex if it can be helped. And though she is intelligent, that does not make her mature enough to handle this issue yet. A lot of kids are very smart beyond their peers but that does not make them able to handle and understand and deal with the issues having sex no matter their age any easier for them. They do not have the experience yet to determine wha is what where that is concerned. That is why we parents are supposed to be guiding and teaching them about that process. It is important that they know what they are up against and why. Sex changes a lot of things for adults and that is difficult at best, but in the case of a teenager; its more than difficult..it is more complicated.

Michelle - posted on 01/30/2016

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We were focusing on her age because she is so young. What did you do to address the issue of her having underage sex? I don't care about the age difference, SHE is underage.
Yes, blended families are hard and take a lot of work and compromise. You need to make sure your daughter's safety is top priority though.

Lisa - posted on 01/30/2016

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Seems as though you are handling everything very well , do not give up the man you love . Your daughter is smart she will be fine . And they will learn to be family as time goes on . Blended family's are very difficult but anything worth while is definitely birth fighting for . Sounds like you all will be fine just stick with counseling and go as a family a few times . Good luck peace to your family

Tracy - posted on 01/30/2016

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Thank you Lisa, yes our relationship is wonderful he truly is a wonderful man and that's why this is so difficult. I personally don't know anyone who has been in a dating relationship that the teens starting liking each other in a romantic way, so I was hoping for constructive criticism and help but everyone seems to concentrate on their age and yes that is a valid point but is not illegal, my 14 year old is wise beyond her years and is very intelligent she has decided she no longer wants any romantic involvement with the boy and wants to just be friends but now we are in the awkward position of how to handle together time. My counselor said for the time being it should just be me and John (my bf) and exclude the children until we get a firm foundation and some ground rules laid out. But that's even tough because as I said my daughter's father is deceased so I'm her only parent and he is the only parent in his boys lives... Ugh....I'm ready to throw in the towel, blended families are way too tough

Lisa - posted on 01/30/2016

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Why lose your relationship with your boyfriend (if it's a good one) because if they really want to be together they will reguarless if your together or not . That's not the answer . And although your child comes first to an extent she does not dictate your happiness.

Tracy - posted on 01/28/2016

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Yes we have and continue to and I have her in therapy as well, I'm trying to do the right thing here and they are not allowed to be alone at all. Anyway I just broke up with my boyfriend of over a year because of this so I guess the boy will no longer be a problem.

Tracy - posted on 01/28/2016

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yes she was 13 and he had just turned 16 they had sex in September and then she turned 14 in January the point is it is NOT a criminal issue I have personally spoken to the Arkansas state police adminstration because I was concerned about this as well.

Ev - posted on 01/28/2016

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And time to have a serious chat about her actions and the consequences of those actions as well as a long talk on what she should be doing at her age.

Tracy - posted on 01/28/2016

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Also another point to add in is my daughter's father is deceased and the boy's mother isn't in the picture either. So basically I need to end the relationship with the dad.

Ev - posted on 01/28/2016

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If she had sex at 13 she is not of age of consent. When did she actually have sex...at 13 or 14. You never did answer that question.

Tracy - posted on 01/28/2016

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he turned 16 in July and my daughter was 13 and turned 14 in January according to Arkansas State police it's not a criminal offense.

Ev - posted on 01/28/2016

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I live in Arkansas. But all it takes is looking up with key words "age of consent in Arkansas" to find it. My advice to Tracy is this: Be sure that you are aware of where your daughter and this boy are at all times. Being left alone like that allows them chances to do things that they should not be doing. You need to discuss with the boyfriend what to do about this and then stick to a plan. Like if the daughter could go spend time at dad's the weekends the boyfriend's son is around. Also, the point is not if they are 2.5 years apart but was she 13 or 14 when she actually had sex. IF she was not 14 yet, this boy could be in a world of hurt. Both kids need a reality check.

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2016

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There you go.
I think the relationship with your boyfriend is clouding your judgement in looking out for your daughter.
What would you have done if you didn't know the boy? Would you have been so blaze about it then?

Ev - posted on 01/28/2016

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In Arkansas the age of consent:

"In many cases, a person between the ages of 14 and 16 can consent to sex with a person who is no more than 3 years older. However, if the offender is more than 20 years old, and the victim is under 16, the punishment is far harsher than it would be otherwise"

Was she 13 or 14 when she had sex with the boy? If she was 13 then he can face charges....

http://www.ageofconsent.us/state-laws/ar...

Tracy - posted on 01/28/2016

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well in Arkansas it's actually not a criminal offense there has to be 3 years age difference and there is only 2 and a half so that doesn't apply here.

Michelle - posted on 01/28/2016

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Have either you or your boyfriend explained to the 16yo that he can be charged with having sex with a minor? That's a serious offence and will put him on the sex offender registry for life. You can have him charged or if anyone else finds out they can contact child services in your area and report you as well.
Rather than just you and your boyfriend discussing that the relationship is unhealthy, you need to put a stop to it. This is a very serious offence and you need to do everything in your power to stop it.
It's not just your daughter you should be angry with, it's the boy as well. She isn't old enough to make an informed choice (neither is he really).

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