I'm starting over again...

Jennifer - posted on 04/09/2015 ( 1 mom has responded )

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I need advice on a problem I am having. I am hoping some other single mom's prospective will help. I was divorced for about 3 years before I started dating again. After a few dates with a few guys, I really couldn't believe what was out there. It was scary. Then, I met a guy online and everything was different. We dated for 3 months before I even introduced my children and 3 months later he moved in. We really became a family. After almost 4 years, he decided the relationship was over and left. This was a shock to me and my children because we had no clue it was coming. This relationship ended about 2 months ago. Since then, I decided to give everyone, including myself some healing time. Well, my daughter is going on a mission trip this summer and one of the groups sponsoring her meets with her on a regular basis, every two weeks, to make sure she is getting the homework done (like passport, CPR training, ect.). One of the guys in the group is an old high school friend. We dated in high school for like a few weeks... nothing serious. He always makes sure he comes to the meetings with her and has been a wonderful support to her. The problem is that we have started to have feelings for each other. He is a single dad and has been divorced longer than I have. We ended running into each other at the grocery store (both kid free) and ended going out for coffee afterwards. I've never felt more alive... it was amazing! Now, the issue is how do I tell my children that we are seeing each other (since he has already met them) and where do we go from here. We have gone out for coffee a few more times, after I drop them off at school before I go to work (he works nights so it is easy to meet up) and comes over for the different meeting for the trip but then I casually ask him to stay for dinner. The girls think he is funny and always want him to stay. I just don't know how to tell them that we are becoming more then friends. Any advice is welcomed.

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Rebekah - posted on 04/09/2015

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Its great you found a connection with someone again, but I'd say give it a lot more time. In my opinion, two months isn't very long at all following a four year live-in relationship, especially when the break-up was unexpected. Have you fully processed what happened in the relationship and the anger that must have come from it? Are you sure this new relationship isn't a "rebound" type of response? Go slow. You will know over time if this relationship is going to stick. You don't mention how old your children are, but how are they coping with the loss of your ex? Surely they must have feelings about it. Bringing a new person into the picture (even one they seem to like already) too quickly may backfire (for you and them). They (and you) have already had to face the loss of their dad plus the loss of your ex. Follow your initial instinct to give yourself time to heal. I'm not saying you shouldn't spend time with this new guy, but go slow. Build a good friendship with him before getting swept away by an impulse of feeling. Think about what you want to model for your children, as far as both healthy relationships, and self-care. Hope it all works out.

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