I'm the disciplinarian and my husband is the savior!

Denae - posted on 09/21/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




I am home all week with my 3 girls, my husband is out of town three nights a week. When he comes home I would like a break but instead he gets a break and I continue to be the meanie in my kids eyes bc I make rules and I get the homework done and I this and that! He will be there to hold them when I punish them and make fun of me when I get stern or mad. And so the kids take it as I don't have to respect mom bc dad will save us.

My husband doesn't think he's an issue, and I don't know how to get him to understand.

What do I do??


Ariana - posted on 09/21/2012




I would talk to him and tell him how you're feeling. Tell him that you try to discipline the girls and you feel like he's underminding you and gets to be the good guy all the time. Listen to his side (which is probably that he never sees them and doesn't want to be hard on them whenever he's around). Try to see if you can work something out where you can both have fun with the kids and have him on the same page with the rules/limits you want set for the girls.

You may also want to talk to some sort of family/couples councellor to help you and your husband get on the same page. I know some people bolt at that notion but sometimes having an outside observer say the same thing you're trying to can bring things into a new light. They could help you two come to an agreement about parenting that you may not be able to get on your own talking to him.

You might also try 'quiting' your badguy job for a while. Tell your husband that you want to be a fun-loving spirit like him and allow your girls to do what they want. Don't make them do homework, ignore them if they try to talk disrespectfully to you, but also don't make dinner, don't do the laundry, don't help dad out when they start being disrespectful to him. Just sit around, watch tv, leave the dishes out. Be very nice to them too, don't be moody or disrespectful or anything, don't jump into girls arguments. If the girls ask you why you aren't doing anything tell them 'mom' is taking a vacation, you don't have any rules right now.

I know that sounds crazy but I would talk to him about it beforehand. Just tell him that you feel underappreciated (don't get into an argument, I would calmly tell him all of this). Say you feel like you're continuously the disciplinarian and that you would like him to see how things go when you check out. I wouldn't say that to your daughters, I would tell them that you're tired of being the mean mom all the time and 'moms' going on vacation. When they want 'mom' back they should tell you. If your husband tries to tell them what to do hug them, and tell them that's to bad. The main point is not to be sarcastic, or raging on the inside, just decide that you are taking a vacation, you're going to chill out and let the choas rain around you.

My friend did this with her sons, stopped doing laundry, didn't drive them anywhere, if they asked for supper she told them to get it themselves. It took about a week but finally they caved and asked for 'mom' to come back and were a lot more respectful (not perfect of course). Sometimes it takes for them to lose what they've got to see what's right there. Your husband might also see that, oh, the kids act crazy sometimes when you don't discipline them. Just a thought.

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