I'm too scared to tell truth about depression

Abigail - posted on 05/13/2013 ( 13 moms have responded )

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I have always had issues with my moods and feelings, my ex partner has had three children with other women since iv had his daughter, i tried for years to trust him and accept the past but he is just abusive an manipulative so after five years of listening to his crap it started getting physical, he has in the past done some seriously bad things to me (forced himself on me when id been asleep, numerous times telling me i deserved it)i decided i cant take any more. you would think that would be enough to keep him out my life but i seem to keep making the same mistake of trying to make him want to be a part of my daughters life as i never had a dad. an im back to square one he thinks i want him. i will never trust him or any one again. i have always had mood swings and i go from one minute being so happy nothing matters to feeling so worthless and useless i feel my kids be better of without me, i am so worried if tell my doctor the truth i will be putting my children at risk of being taken away, and now trhey are my only reason to live. i know i need help to get better but i would not be able to go on with out my two little girls. how can i tell doctors?

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Jackie - posted on 05/15/2013

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Any normal woman would be depressed; the guy is a serial abuser who has raped you. Doctors understand depression; they also know that getting help and getting better, you need to work with a psychiatrist, therapist, counselor, etc. Nobody can take your children away for admitting depression. Just because you are getting help should mean you are on your way to a happier, more normal life.

I repeat-- nobody can or will take your children away for admitting depression.

Get help and feel better!

Penny - posted on 05/21/2013

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Even if this man doesn't abuse your daughters, they will grow up thinking it's normal and possibly accept the same fate for themselves. Show them they deserve the best and get away from his influence. I know what you mean about being up and down - believe me, things will be better without him setting you off! Your innocent daughters will respect you for it one day, so be strong and get help and away from that man xxx

Kelly - posted on 05/21/2013

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You will not be penalized for asking for help. Everything you tell your doctor is in the strictest confidence and he is there to help you. When I was having issues with depression (it's been a chronic problem for me for many years), I asked my doctor to refer me to a therapist. He did, but also provided me with a prescription for antidepressants in case I was unable to meet with the therapist. It's expensive and we struggle with money anyway.

As for the guy, RUN! He is never going to change. I understand the desire for your daughter to have a father, but consider this: The way she sees you treated is the way she will expect to be treated. She will see your relationship as the model for how relationships are supposed to look and she will seek men who treat her that way, despite the fact that it makes her unhappy or even unsafe.

I hope you are able to make safe and healthy decisions for yourself and your daughter.

Nancy - posted on 05/19/2013

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My Dear... RUN ... Dont walk.. Run Away from him. I had three very abusive marriages, I thought I deserved it( because I was always told I did) ... when they started on my kids they crossed the line. Now I have been married to a wonderful guy for 13 yrs.... NOBODY ESPECIALLY YOU Deserve to be treated this way. He will eventually start in on your kids! If not for you PLEASE think of your kids being abused. ♥ ♥ ♥ ((( HUGS )))

Danielle Elizabeth - posted on 05/14/2013

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You will not be risking your kids being taken from you because of doing the right thing and asking for help. Sweetie none of us are perfect and we all need help in some shape or another in our lives. Your moodiness can have a real negative effect on your kids so you'd be doing them a favor by getting help. Now for your kids father, I know this is not something you probably want to hear, but do you really want a man that has such violent behavior being around your kids? We teach our kids what is the right way To live through our actions whether we mean to or not. Your showing those kids it's " normal" for a man to treat women this way. I know it's tough growing up without a dad , but I promise you it's even tougher growing up with a father that you are describing. I wouldn't want him around my kids if I were you unless he went to therapy and got his anger problems under control

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Christine - posted on 05/23/2013

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First off, I would like you to know that you are not worthless. God has a purpose for you and it's quite obvious because he gave you the gift of a daughters to raise and love.

I really pray that you are still not with this individual. He sounds like a real piece of work, who has serious issues and needs help badly. I understand what it feels like to want to involve your children in his life, because you were without a father. But what kind of father willfully rapes his wife and belittles her? That is not a father and any "man" you should want your daughters around to be influenced by. If you continue to keep them in his presence you are teaching them what kind of men to look for when they grow up. Quit trying to fix your past, with your daughters. You are now their mother, their protector and if you don't feel safe with this "man", why would you allow your children around him?

Now as far as your mental health goes, please, please, go get help!!! You will be doing yourself the biggest favor in the world, and not to mention your children. Children can tell when their parents are not happy and it's probably clear to them you are not happy. So why wouldn't you try and do whatever you can to make sure YOU feel better?? They will not take away your children because you have emotional issues. Heck, if that was the case, many children would be in the custody of the states. Do not worry like that. It sounds like you are just making excuses to not get help.

Seriously, leave this "man" to the wind and take care of your mental health and focus on getting better and raising your children. You will NEVER regret that decision, I promise. If you need anything, please feel free to message me.

“The time is always right to do what is right.”

Good luck dear friend.

Deanna - posted on 05/21/2013

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A doctor won't have your children taken away unless you are a threat to them. Go to the doctor and talk to him. You may have manic-depression. It is very treatable.
As for the guy, you may have to tell him, "No more". The fact that you keep going back to him, gives him the idea that you want him. Sometimes, having a father in your life is not worth the risk or pain. Never let him be alone with you, always have a friend or family member with you when you picks up your daughter. Be safe, he sounds like a dingleberry (look it up and tell me it's not apt to call him that).

Marie - posted on 05/20/2013

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By getting help your showing you want to get better. I had to do the same thing. They never even said anything about taking my kids away they said it was the best thing to get help. And get rid of the man he sounds like an ass

Marta - posted on 05/20/2013

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Your Doctor has probably heard many stories like yours in his career & he will be on your side. You are showing how much you care about your child by getting help.
As for your ex partner-a bad father is NOT better than no father. Your daughter will take her cues from the adults in her life about what is normal in relationships and what kind behavior you ex uses toward you and how you respond. You are not doing her any favors by exposing her to an abusive, selfish, dangerous man, just because he is her father. What she sees now can effect her own choices later on. So don't put up with bad behavior from your ex just so she can have a father. You need to find someone who is good to you and she can end up with a decent male role model who will treat her and her mother like they should be treated. Or as they say anyone can have a child, it takes a man to be a father. You are probably depressed because of the way you are being treated & this man is breaking the law, what he has done to you is assault. Get away from him, you deserve better! Dump him, and if he continues to come after you press charges, talk to your doctor and good luck to you and your daughter. I don't mean to sound preachy, I just despise men who treat women like that, especially mothers of their children. He obviously has you so intimidated by his treatment of you that you don't even trust your doctor anymore. Please get help! Best of luck.

Jeanie - posted on 05/19/2013

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I had a similar situation a few years ago. I didn't have kids but I was told they would lock me away if I told anyone I felt depressed. I saw how my brother was treated in psych wards and was afraid of what the would do to me. After I was date raped by me boyfriend I found a dr I trusted, all she did was give me a name of a therapist and some medicine. After getting my life in order I was ready to start dating and met my husband do 5 years.
My SIL had sever ppd and never lost her child. She wanted to kill herself and told her dr that. Hopefully that will help with you fear.
Lastly talk to a family lawyer to see about a visitation schedule and with his history see if supervised vists are best or the kids.
Good luck!!

Daly - posted on 05/19/2013

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Your situation angers me beyond belief. We as women are not born to be tortured in any way. We are capable of handling life on our own. I mean hello, do you think a man can handle the pain of going thru labor? God does not place us on this earth to be abused or tortured by anyone. If your ex has abusive tendencies then don't try so hard to have him be a part of your girls lives. He may at one point turn on them. Then what would you do? If your girls want to have him in their lives later on in life that will be there decision, but right now if he doesn't look for them, don't push. I suggest you find help. Go online and find good doctors that will help you with your depression, talk it thru with a family member or friend you can trust. As for your girls, be their mom. Be there when they need you and when they ask about their dad just tell them that he loves them but that he's busy or away. I thank God I have a wonderful husband and he's a wonderful dad, but after I carried my kids for 9 months each and went thru natural birth 3 times there is no one but God who can do anything to my kids. And I'll defend tooth and nail what belongs to me. I grew up with an absent dad and would let my kids grow up the same if it meant our safety.

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Seeing a mental health professional will not put you at risk for having your children taken away.

National statistics on the subject indicate that 1 on 4 people will be treated for a mental illness over the course of one year. Also, 1 in 5 people are struggling with depression at any given moment. Do you know 7 or 8 other moms? Chances are at least one of them is struggling with depression or some other mental illness. It is not as rare nor as stigmatized as it once was.

TELL YOUR DOCTOR. Just make an appointment with several mental health professionals to interview them and make sure you find one you like. If you are planning to use insurance, you may have to visit your general physician first and get a referral to a mental health professional. I recommend starting with a psychologist over a psychiatrist, as they will not resort to drugs right off, and they have more experience than a counselor or therapist.

Jillian - posted on 05/13/2013

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That is a worrisome situation sometimes the people who are there to help make you regret reaching out. Talk to a therapist. My mom was abusive when I was a child and a therapist called CPS bc she admitted to hitting us and verbal abuse but she told them she needs help and she was willing to take help and we were not taken away from her. I believe asking for help will be good but I can scary

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