I'm upset that my fiance still needs to sleep next to teenage daughter when she visits...am I wrong?

Tanya - posted on 02/16/2015 ( 10 moms have responded )

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My fiance's 16 year old daughter still needs an adult to sleep with her at night, am I out of line for being upset?
She lives with her mom full time, and mom (who is a wonderful person by the way), readily admita that she allows her to sleep in bed with her EVERY night.
So...when my fiance has gone on trips with her & when she visits us, he needs to sleep next to her or she will be upset.
I have 2 kids, 6 &15, and I feel at 16 she should be able to go to bed alone. It upsets me that when she is here he needs to go to bed with her and I sleep by myself. Am I out of line?

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Michelle - posted on 02/16/2015

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It's not normal and she should really be encouraged to sleep on her own.
Further to Raye's response, if she can't sleep on her own then she will be jumping into bed with any man that will be around and I can't see that ending well.
I would be seriously thinking about marrying this man if he can't stand his ground on this and make her sleep on her own.
Look at it from the outside, a teen and her Father sleeping together, wrong on so many levels.

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Andrea - posted on 02/19/2015

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Absolutely! My step daughter is 8 and was still sleeping with my husband before we got married. For the record, my two year old was sleeping with me too. So, when we got married, we said it was time for the two of them to share a bed because we are married now. It took awhile to Adjust and they still sneak in our bed from time to time while we are asleep but you have to cut the cord at some point! A husband should be in bed with his wife every night... Not snuggling with his 16 year old.... Weird.

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You are so correct Amanda! This is very abnormal and they definitely need professional counseling. Sounds like one for Dr. Phil to me!

Raye - posted on 02/18/2015

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I don't know any parents that want to be the heavy. But part of raising your child should be doing what's right for them, and not just giving in to them to keep the peace, alleviate guilt, or whatever. They are kids. They don't know what's ahead of them. We do, and we need to prepare them. The girl's mother and father both need to get on the same page and stop babying their daughter. Will he have more guilt now about doing what's right by stopping this behavior, or feel guilty for the rest of his life by having a royally screwed up daughter that can't function in life because of her parent's choices?

Tanya - posted on 02/17/2015

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Thank you everyone. He and I got in a heated debate about this, and he feels that with being away from her, that he can't be the "heavy". I feel however, that him giving in only prolongs the issue. His "guilt" for being away from his daughter should not be the reason to feed in to her tantrums that she cant sleep alone. Especially at 16!

Thank you all.....I just wanted to make sure I wasnt the only one who would see this this way

Michelle - posted on 02/17/2015

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16 Is far too old to have a parent next to you in bed so you can sleep. In my opinion there is an underlined issue. Counseling would be beneficial.

Gena - posted on 02/16/2015

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I agree with Dove. It really sounds like she has problems and that she should get help,counseling, for it.I dont know since when her parents arent together anymore,but maybe she is scared of losing somebody and needs to to sleep next to her mom or dad. You should tell her dad to look into counseling for her. Something isnt right with the 16yr old and somebody should find out what or why.

Dove - posted on 02/16/2015

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It sounds like she may have some serious emotional issues and need some counseling to learn how to function.

Raye - posted on 02/16/2015

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She should sleep in her own room, and learn to deal with it. It is not normal for children older than toddlers to regularly sleep in bed with their parents. It does happen sometimes, but I wonder at the psychological implications of such a thing, especially if it carries over into teenage years. They are not preparing her to be a functional adult. What will she do at 18 when she's supposed to go off to college or otherwise strike out into the world on her own? Hardships are on the horizon one way or another.

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