I married my abuser

Marie - posted on 03/14/2014 ( 20 moms have responded )

4

0

0

We dated for 3 years before getting engaged. I cant even count how many times I was abused during that time. But I always forgave. We got married in 2012 &the physical abuse lessened, while the emotional abuse increased.
In August of 2013 he beat me pretty bad (tackling me, choking me, yanking my hair, constant hits in my face while I was driving). That night I packed my bags to leave. As I was packing, he tackled me and held his hands over my mouth &nose until I nodded to signal I would stay and talk. I hate that I didn't stick to my guns and leave.... But I'm weak & embarrassed.
Fast forward to now... I'm 5 months pregnant and he has been physical in the past month (open hand slapping me in the face & then grabbing both sides of my head & shaking). But EVERY day is mental and emotional abuse. Threatening texts, name calling, yelling, getting nose to nose in my face and shouting.
I'm terrified of him. i'm too embarrassed to tell my family & would never dream of telling my friends.
I cry daily. I wish we never got pregnant and often think about running far away before I deliver ... But I don’t want to devastate my parents.
He has worn me down so much over these past (almost) 5 years, that I can't even imagine functioning on my own. I just can't imagine birthing an innocent child into the hell hole of my life.
I'm not looking for pity, because I know I don't deserve any - I'm in my situation by my own accord. I just needed to vent and know I'm not alone.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Tara - posted on 03/20/2014

1

0

0

I was in this situation up until 2 years ago. I was in it for 5 years. What got me out was incarceration, and it was the best thing to happen to me. I now have family and co-worker support. My 5 year olds dad is still in prison. I am scared and nervous for when he gets out, but long story short, I was and am just like you. Thank god for family. You need to leave before you or your child wind up dead. Go to the police before you snap. Everyday is so much added stress that you don't need. I am praying for you to get help. I always believed that he would become a better person, he never did. Much love and support! And it is his fault, not yours. Never forget that.

Amy - posted on 03/17/2014

62

0

16

My ex was abusive to me while I was pregnant first only emotional he controlled my every move the friends I had. Then when there was nobody left even my mom to help me he became physical with me while I was pregnant with our daughter. But yet I stayed for almost 2years. To this day I cant explain why I let this man do this to me. I suppose I felt like I was alone and he was all I had. I finally left him one day out of the blue. He came after me and our daughter but I refused to let him control me anymore! I felt safe and happy after that. That was 10 yrs ago my daughter now 12 he still sees her and is great with her. I am married to a wonderful man for almost 7 yrs and we have a 5 yr old. DONT LET THIS GO ON! Leave him! your parents will be glad to help like mine were. Empower yourself to do this u will be glad u did. I wish you all the love and strength for yourself and your child. Keep us all posted.

Michelle - posted on 03/15/2014

3,729

8

3246

You wait until he goes to work or out for a while, pack a bag and leave!!!! Your parents will welcome you and make sure they can do whatever they need to do to protect you.
Don't be embarrassed, your parents will only ever want the best for you and your child.
After you have left make sure you file for a restraining order so he can't come near you or your baby.

Kayla - posted on 03/14/2014

127

0

39

You need to get out of there. Your parents will always forgive you. An abusive relationship is VERY hard to leave, because the abuser always knows how to make you feel like it's your own fault that you are being abused. Please get out of this relationship and as far away from him as you can. Like you said, bringing a baby into this world in a situation like you're in is not okay.
Let me tell you a little story from my own experience with abuse;
It was not me who was being abused, but my mother in law. I have been with my husband for almost 5 years now. I have known from day 1 that his father was abusive towards him, his mother, and his little sister. I won't go into every detail, but long story short. My husbands father killed his wife, his father is in jail and we now have custody of my hubbys sister. She is 7 years old and will live the rest of her life without her parents, because of her fathers violence, and her mothers choices to stay in that volatile relationship.

Ashley - posted on 03/20/2014

5

0

1

That's awesome you are so strong for taking that step. I'm happy for you!

20 Comments

View replies by

Ashley - posted on 03/20/2014

5

0

1

First I want you to realize that you are a Queen. No woman deserves that treatment. You are worth so much more and deserve more. I watched my mother get abused when I was and child and I made a decision that I couldn't put up with that when I grew up. You need to make the right step for you and your child. It's not easy and yes its scary but you know it's the right thing to do. You deserve to be happy and that innocent beautiful baby deserves to be raised by a strong beautiful intelligent woman :) please leave. I promise you won't regret it. Blessings

Lisa Ann - posted on 03/19/2014

18

0

2

TELL YOUR PARENTS! THEY will PROTECT YOu...........I don't know them and I know they WILL! you have a LONG abused life ahead of you AND for your child....IF you DONT.Dont think about it do it.1 GET ORDER OF PROTECTION 2 DONT put him on birth Certificate longer for him to prove and he WILL NOT have rights for visits.THE COURTS WILL GIVE HIM RIGHTS TO VISIT WITH CHILD unless you can prove he is an abuser SO DO IT NOW. If he abuses u he WILL abuse your child. Love you child more than you have loved yourself to allow him to do this. THEY DONT CHANGE! what u c is what u GET! He cant come near you c u talk to u IF HE DOES HE CAN AND WILL B ARRESTED and that would b in your FAVOR for future family court to come. YOU HAVE to believe me I have been there . You have this opportunity let go of the FALSE hop of "1 DAY" "BUT I LOVE HIM" Hes ok sometimes" He says he wont do it again, hes sorry......he tells you that so u will hang around for more abuse when he feels like it..... act like a normal day whens hes gone pack your things 1st go to police station order of protection then go to parents and TELL them.They will protect their daughter and grandchild. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and HAVE HIM ARRESTED if he calls or comes near u with promises its just to get u back into the house with him so he can really make you pay for being strong and leaving he will make sure u cant again.. Put him under the LAW where when he acts out he will have consequences..... PLEASE listen to what I say bcuz IF u don't u WILL WISH u had.

Lisa - posted on 03/19/2014

9

0

1

He is a coward who probably does not do that to MEN.. You need to leave him honey because what he has been doing isn't even remotely close to LOVE. If he LOVED you he would hurt you...He loves himself. I bet he doesn't walk around abusing himself right?? LEAVE

Linda - posted on 03/18/2014

1

0

0

You already know what's wrong with this whole situation. You know what you need to do and the only person that can help you is yourself. When you're done, you know you're done and it shouldn't be hard to leave. If you're going to pack you should do it as soon as he leaves for work and get everything and never go back. If you go back and he begs you and kisses your ass it will only last three weeks till he starts up again. But when you leave it needs to be it.

Shani - posted on 03/18/2014

12

0

2

So... Let's say that your baby is a girl, she grows up and falls in love with an abuser..... Only because she is drawn to it because she thinks it's normal because that's what she grew up with in her household! Now, with you as her mother, would you want her to come to you and tell you and ask for help? Or would you rather know it's going on behind clothes doors, then the cheek and hope to god he don't kill your daughter in a fit of anger? When... All of this could be avoided by saying to yourself, " he is the one with the issues, I am a woman, I am a human, I am NOT a punching bag, I don't deserve this... He is the one who deserves it!! How do you think he would like it if a woman or even a man hit him?? I can guarantee you he would go PSYCHO ON THEM!! He would not like it.. So who in the hell, gives him the right to do it to his PREGNANT WIFE??? He is a coward!! He has belittled you enough!! STAND UP, PACK A BAG OF FRICKEN CLOTHES AND RUN YOUR ASS AND THAT POOR INNOCENT BABY OUT OF THAT HOUSE AND DONT LOOK BACK!!! Because if you don't, it might be too late one of these next times!! Put yourself in your parents shoes, do you think they will just laugh at you and turn you away if you hauled balls to their house and told them everything?
You need to do that NOW!! Go get a track phone, change your number, take your parents with you to a different town for a week and stay in a hotel, report it to the cops, get a restraint order, file for divorce and LEAVE HIS SORRY ASS NOW!!!
I really, really, really hope, if not for you, but for that innocent baby that will be brought into his world of terror who did nothing to him nor did it ask for th years of torment it will have to sit back and watch as it's mother is beaten daily, and whom won't be able to stick up for you because it will then see the same feat as you!! If you think you can hold a 2, 3,4,5,6 or 7 tear old from NOT TELLING EVERYONE THAT ITS MOTHER IS BEATEN AT HOME, YOUR SECRET WONT BE SAFE FOR LONG!!
LEAVE NOW!!!! GO, RUN... DONT LOOK BACK! YOU DONT DESERVE IT!! NOW GO!!!!

Angelica - posted on 03/17/2014

1

0

0

You need to leave him. I'm praying for you. I could only imagine how you feel. Do what's right for you and your baby.

April In New York - posted on 03/17/2014

2

0

0

I support you in starting fresh with this child. When are you packing to leave?

April In New York - posted on 03/17/2014

2

0

0

Your "venting" matches the profile of women who end up dead at the hands of the abuser. You are a strong, capable woman. Start a new life for yourself and this child. Start a life of love and care, joy and laughter. You will heal through the purity of this new life. Start today, start now. Pack, go to parents, call police to get a restraining order against him for all contact including phone, electronic and mail. Grow this child in peace. Birth in peace. Raise yourself and this child with the love and support of your parents. You will heal and live joyfully.

Lexi - posted on 03/17/2014

37

0

6

Love you need to tell someone you need support someone to help you stand up and leave. i really hope you get out and create a safe space for you and your coming child. Its so horrible for a woman to go through that and more horrifying for a child to grow up in a situation like that. i know my words aren't enough or helping but i really wish you would find the strength to leave for both your sake and your child's. I wish you luck and love.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/14/2014

21,273

9

3058

Your parents already suspect something, and I guarantee they know he is beating you regularly. They will be more than happy to help you. believe me, any good parent wants to help their child out of terrible situations.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/14/2014

21,273

9

3058

OMG PLEASE GET OUT! The next time he is out of the house, LEAVE! Pack a bag and run! Your parents will always be there for you. Please go. This abuse will NEVER end no matter the promises he makes. Now there is soon to be a baby involved. What if he kills the baby in a rage when you don't listen to him? What if he picks up the baby out of anger and shakes the baby? What if he punches you in the stomach while you are pregnant and causes permanent damage? What if after the baby is born, he pushes it too far and chokes you to death? Now your beautiful baby has no mom.

This is no environment for you, let alone bringing an innocent life into danger. Do this for you both. Get the fuck out. Go see your mom. Go to the police. Do something. This man is dangerous. He is NEVER going to stop. Please run. Please run far and fast.

You are NOT in this of your own accord, that is what abusers make you think. You are in a prison of abuse. This is NOT your fault. He is a horrible person, and you cannot change him. GET HELP! TALK TO SOMEONE NEAR YOU THAT CAN HEP YOU ESCAPE!!!

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/14/2014

13,264

21

2015

DO NOT tell him you are leaving. Just go. Your parents will be happier to have you out and safe, and that will outweigh any upset over the lying previously.

Marie - posted on 03/14/2014

4

0

0

Kayla,
I am so sorry for you and your husband - that sounds devastating.
Leaving is difficult... But I know I won't last another year.

Thank you for sharing

Marie - posted on 03/14/2014

4

0

0

I've been lying to my parents. They have asked for years if he had been hitting me still and I always said No.
My parents knew of one time he had hit me because he was arrested and I had to go to court. I was 21 at the time, &we broke up for about 2 months but then I started secretly seeing him. After a 6months of sneaking around, my dad agreed to sit down with him and have a talk about letting us get back together. I bugged my dad so much to let me go back to him & constantly told my dad I'd run away to be with him... so he finally relented and had a conversation with him about letting us get back together.

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 03/14/2014

13,264

21

2015

Vent all you want. And pack your bags, and get to a shelter! How would your parents be devastated if you are doing something to preserve your health, wellbeing, and possibly your life, and that of their grandchild?

Please, please get out. YOU CAN DO IT>

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms