I NEED a honest answers about my 21yo boyfriend while im 16

Laila - posted on 08/12/2017 ( 15 moms have responded )

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My name is Laila, and for the past year i have been with this guy who is 21yo..I have always been mature for my age and attracted older men, but NEVER wanted to date them, until i met my current boyfriend. It's different because im completly out of highschool (I have been since I was 15) do to an acceleration program..I work ..pay bills..so when we met we had things in common it wasn't as if i was still in highschool and he was going to work..Iv'e never felt like this about any other guy..hes more mature so he knows how to handle a relationship..and talk while hearing me out....he has never pushed me to do things i didnt want to nor have I..when were together we dont even see an age gap because were so close and it doesnt matter...but i need a veiw from an outside perspective on how you view this relatiosnhip,
Thank you!

15 Comments

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Ev - posted on 08/17/2017

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Back in the day when our great grandparents and further back were growing up things were much more different. Most girls did marry younger than they do now BUT they were also more mature for their age too. They had to take on more responsibllity than the kids those ages do now. They were ready for things most kids this day and age are not. Even the guys had to grow up a lot earlier than they do now. Life expectancy was also not what it is now though a lot of people did live to a good old age.

Roger - posted on 08/17/2017

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My Great Grandmother married when she was 16 and my Great Grandfather was 21. She had her first baby at 17 and her last at 38. Great Grandfather died at 75, and Great Grandmother was 77 when she died. Were they wrong to do so? Anne

Jessica - posted on 08/17/2017

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I would agree with that if she was still in HS but she graduated and is working to pay her own way so it isn't the same situation as most 16 year olds. With her current situation dating someone older isn't abnormal considering that her age group is in school and probably has extracurriculars too which wouldn't leave much of a dating life. Plus she has already been with him a year and from the way she describes her bf it sounds like she is dating a decent guy. I wouldn't agree if she was asking to move in with him or vice versa but just dating?

Lena - posted on 08/15/2017

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Laila, I don' t even have to read the rest of your post, your ages caught me immediately. The best and only advice I can offer is that he is way too old for you. You need to at least wait until you are 18 to date older men. You should stay within your own age group. This 21 year old, he knows what he's doing, you don't. (not being fresh, but your too young). Your headed for trouble...... Best of luck

Dove - posted on 08/15/2017

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If both partners are over 18... age is just a number. When one is still a minor there are a lot more things to consider. I wonder if Jessica HAS a teenage daughter....

Sarah - posted on 08/15/2017

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Age is not always just a number, in some states in the US she is not of age to consent. I also wonder why an adult man would be romantically interested in a teen?

Jessica - posted on 08/14/2017

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If you are happy and he is happy then what does it matter age is just a number. You are dating and if you are happy good if not break up and find another guy it is as simple as that and eventally you will find the right guy to spend your life with if you haven't already

Sarah - posted on 08/12/2017

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Dove- I am having the same issue! long posts are just vanishing!

I agree with the others. Way to big an age difference.

Dove - posted on 08/12/2017

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Aw man... WHY does COM hate me and keep eating my comments?!

Summary... At 16 a 5 year age difference is too extreme for dating. If your boyfriend is truly mature and respectable he would be waiting to date you until you turn 18. Personally speaking I think one on one dating under 16 is inappropriate and when dating as a minor the age difference shouldn't be more than 3 years at the MOST. I can foresee my teens possibly dating guys a bit older than they are since at 15.5 (currently not interested in dating, but spend a lot of time in small, co-ed groups) most of their friends are already high school graduates, but as mature as they are I would not be OK w/ a greater than 3 year age difference until they turn 18. It's just not wise.

Ev - posted on 08/12/2017

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I have to agree with Michelle. I was 17 and had my first boyfriend. I was a senior in high school at the time. My experience was this: He was almost 24 years old...7 years older than I. He wanted to do things that I was not ready to do including up to sex. He never pushed for it but he hinted at it a lot and sometimes I did not even know he was. He even started talking about getting married at the end of summer after graduation. He never even asked me about that; I guess he assumed I would marry him. I had other ideas but he never asked. He even was planning how the wedding would be! I knew I was not ready to settle down with a man and have a family. Besides this guy was immature, and he could not hold a job for more than a month before either being fired or quitting one. He did not know how to handle relationships. I think he even slept with his roommates that were female while we dated.

At 16, you still are growing up. Because you are done with school, paying bills and working, and doing the grown up things does not make you more mature for your age. It is how you handle yourself and how you understand things in life that you deal with. You may understand some adult things but not all. Relationships are quite a big thing to get into. A 5 year gap between you and his guy is a lot. He has had the time to learn about the world a bit compared to you, he has had a chance to be with other girls and experience relationships but that does not make him mature. He still has a lot to learn himself but he should pursue girls his age not yours.

Life takes time to make one mature. There is a difference in knowing what goes on in life and being able to do them and understanding them.

Michelle - posted on 08/12/2017

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I personally would be concerned why a grown man would want to date a teen. While when you are older 5 years isn't a big age gap but at your age it is a big deal.
If my daughter, at 15, said she was dating a 20yo, I would not be happy at all and would be putting a stop to it. You have your whole life ahead of you and if it's meant to be then he will wait.

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