Erica - posted on 05/14/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )
My name is Erica and I got pregnant when I was a junior in high school at the age of 17. Ever since I have been pregnant I've had a hard time adapting to my new life.The guy I got pregnant too was my boyfriend for 5 years on & off since I was in 7th grade. I never really had a teenage life when I was dating my former boyfriend. I always had to lie to him about everything I was doing & who I was with. When I got pregnant I really wanted to give my child up for adopting, because I was afraid that my child will go through a lot of drama and problems when he was gets older. I met a guy when I was 8 weeks pregnant, who gave me everything and wanted to help me through my pregnancy, but I was too scared to let him in since I was young and pregnant. He was everything a girl ever wanted in a guy. I had my son 11/18/10. His father did a lot for him in the beginning, but I felt he was only sticking around because he wanted to see me. My feelings for my sons father died. I didn't love him anymore or wanted to be with anymore. My sons father tried to kill himself since I did not want to be with him. Before I had my son, I was living life, had tons of friends & was so high off of my life because I was so happy. I can't seem to let go of my past. I had everything I wanted, minus the controlling boyfriend. When I told my sons father I did not want to be with him anymore, he started a lot of problems with me & kept begging to be with me. After a few months when I told my sons father i did not want to be with him, I was talking to another guy, my best friend. (I will call this guy MC for a private reason). MC has been my best friend for 11 years. Him & my brother have been best friends since they were in 5th grade, We started to talk in a more serious way then before. In March of 2011 he asked me out. It has been over a year since we've been together. We had rough times in our relationship because I have a child. He loves my son and has helped me raise him since my sons real father was being a jerk and partying up his life. MC & I's relationship stated to get rocky when my sons father took me to court for custody, We both did not want him to get a hold of my son because his real father sold drugs and got charges pressed against him for stalking me and my sons father's cousin punched my boyfriend in the face. I should have mentioned that i am a full time college student going for my nursing degree. I feel like my life is getting worse everyday.... I see my friends go out & have the time of their life while I am stuck at him being down & sad. I never went out & "party". I do go out every once in awhile. I hate seeing my boyfriend go out & live his life while I have to wait for him. I hate seeing my friends go out & have fun without me. It tears me to pieces I can't join my friends & make memories like any normal teenager would. I never wanted to get pregnant.... I wanted to give my son up for adoption so this whole court thing wouldn't hurt him and so I can get a fresh start & be ready to have a child. I love my son don't get me wrong, but I wish I could take it back. I dwell every single day not having a life I could never have. I want a normal relationship with my boyfriend. I want to marry him. He says that me being a mom does not bother him. He says it stinks I can't be there with him when he has a bonfire or goes some where to hang with his friends. I need someone to talk who is going through the same thing or something similar to this.... Sorry for the long passage. I hope someone can help me! I really need it.