I need a young mother to help me get through this rough spot in my life please...

Erica - posted on 05/14/2012 ( 7 moms have responded )

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My name is Erica and I got pregnant when I was a junior in high school at the age of 17. Ever since I have been pregnant I've had a hard time adapting to my new life.The guy I got pregnant too was my boyfriend for 5 years on & off since I was in 7th grade. I never really had a teenage life when I was dating my former boyfriend. I always had to lie to him about everything I was doing & who I was with. When I got pregnant I really wanted to give my child up for adopting, because I was afraid that my child will go through a lot of drama and problems when he was gets older. I met a guy when I was 8 weeks pregnant, who gave me everything and wanted to help me through my pregnancy, but I was too scared to let him in since I was young and pregnant. He was everything a girl ever wanted in a guy. I had my son 11/18/10. His father did a lot for him in the beginning, but I felt he was only sticking around because he wanted to see me. My feelings for my sons father died. I didn't love him anymore or wanted to be with anymore. My sons father tried to kill himself since I did not want to be with him. Before I had my son, I was living life, had tons of friends & was so high off of my life because I was so happy. I can't seem to let go of my past. I had everything I wanted, minus the controlling boyfriend. When I told my sons father I did not want to be with him anymore, he started a lot of problems with me & kept begging to be with me. After a few months when I told my sons father i did not want to be with him, I was talking to another guy, my best friend. (I will call this guy MC for a private reason). MC has been my best friend for 11 years. Him & my brother have been best friends since they were in 5th grade, We started to talk in a more serious way then before. In March of 2011 he asked me out. It has been over a year since we've been together. We had rough times in our relationship because I have a child. He loves my son and has helped me raise him since my sons real father was being a jerk and partying up his life. MC & I's relationship stated to get rocky when my sons father took me to court for custody, We both did not want him to get a hold of my son because his real father sold drugs and got charges pressed against him for stalking me and my sons father's cousin punched my boyfriend in the face. I should have mentioned that i am a full time college student going for my nursing degree. I feel like my life is getting worse everyday.... I see my friends go out & have the time of their life while I am stuck at him being down & sad. I never went out & "party". I do go out every once in awhile. I hate seeing my boyfriend go out & live his life while I have to wait for him. I hate seeing my friends go out & have fun without me. It tears me to pieces I can't join my friends & make memories like any normal teenager would. I never wanted to get pregnant.... I wanted to give my son up for adoption so this whole court thing wouldn't hurt him and so I can get a fresh start & be ready to have a child. I love my son don't get me wrong, but I wish I could take it back. I dwell every single day not having a life I could never have. I want a normal relationship with my boyfriend. I want to marry him. He says that me being a mom does not bother him. He says it stinks I can't be there with him when he has a bonfire or goes some where to hang with his friends. I need someone to talk who is going through the same thing or something similar to this.... Sorry for the long passage. I hope someone can help me! I really need it.

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Erica - posted on 05/15/2012

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Sorry I meant to say my outside family. I did go to a counselor for a month, but I got no where besides talking about the court situation and that wasn't my problem. I have tried to ask my parents, but my mom is full time nurse and is tired.

Amy - posted on 05/15/2012

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Erica you said your family lives too far away before now you're saying you live with them. Whatever the situation is it sounds as if you may depressed. Talk to your parents about going to see a counselor to help work through your feelings. I want to add that having a baby at any age wreaks havoc on your social life. You can't just get up and go like you used to I know it's especially difficult because it sounds like you never experienced that. I suggest you sit down with your parents and see if they can help give you a night off once a week, of you want awhile day you're probably going to have to find a sitter to help out, or wait till the ex gets your baby on the weekends.

Erica - posted on 05/15/2012

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@ Louise Gough- I wanna raise my son. I have been doing it since he was born with help from my mom. I live with my parents still. I never really go out that much and when I do it isn't a whole 24 hours. i would really like a whole entire day to enjoy being me. I want a normal relationship with my boyfriend since he and I have been raising my son together. I wanted to give my son up for adoption before he was born, but his father said no. thank you for your advice.


@ Stifler's Mum- It is hard for me to get free time. It breaks my heart to see my friends enjoy their life like they should and I am at home dealing with court and raising a child. My son is a year and a half. For some reason everything has started to bug me recently.

Stifler's - posted on 05/15/2012

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I wasn't a teenager when I had kids but I can relate to living away from family and not getting much time to myself or time alone with my husband to go out and feeling like I'm missing out on my youth. I still go out with friends and drink and leave the kids with dad some weekends it really helps me feel like I have the best of both worlds. If your sons father agrees to have him you can still go out the weekends he is at dads and have fun.

Louise - posted on 05/15/2012

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I am not a young mum but I read this and my heart went out to you. I think you need to sit down and think what you want to achieve out of life. Do you 100% want to raise your son or would you consider open adoption where you got to see him reqularly but he was raised with adoptive parents. I think it is something you should give some thought to. I think you are struggling her to be a parent and achieve what you want, like living a teenage life, and studying full time to. Do you have a family to support you? Could they not help to babysit to help you get some much needed teenage, carefree time.

I think the time has come to make a difficult decision in your life. What do you want more, to be a full time mum, or your freedom back to live life as a teenager. Lots of talking to be done here I hope there is someone near you that can offer you that support that you need. (((hugs)))

Erica - posted on 05/14/2012

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Maybe. I never really thought about it. it is hard too when my family lives far away. I have a court date coming up soon. My sons dad agreed to every other weekend & 1 day a week.

Firebird - posted on 05/14/2012

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Sounds like you're burning out a bit. Can you get a babysitter, even every other week, so you can go out with your boyfriend?

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