I need Advice!

Elizabeth - posted on 05/03/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )

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When I was 22 I started dating someone and got pregnant. Later on I found out he was married to one woman in NYC and was involved with another woman in Michigan whom he had a child with. So it was a very complicated situation...as you can imagine it was very stressful for me. When I told him I was pregnant he basically had a panic attack..he wanted me to get an abortion (which I am completely against and would never do)..After I emplained to him that that was not an option..he was staying with me in my apartment for 4 months of the pregnancy..and he never told either of the other women about the pregnancy..or his parents...even though he told me he had..So I contacted one of the women and she was pretty shocked to find he had cheated on her with me..and threatened to not allow him to see his son..so after all of this I elt him stay for a while longer becasue I was scared of raising a baby alone..so after I found him talking dirty to ANOTHER woman on his phone in the middle of the night..I finally kicked him out..After that happened..all the sudden he denied that the child was even his..his baby's mother took him back and kept putting it in his head that it wasnt his and pressured him not to speak to me at all...So after I realized he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me or the child in my womb, I had no other option but to move back home to NY..where I met a another man that i have been with ever since..My son is 4 years old now..and I have never heard from his Bio dad..I found his parents on facebook and contacted his mother..She didnt speak any english..only spanish so I had a hard time communicating with her..thankfully I took spanish classes for 6 years...I spoke to her for a week or so..sent her pictures..and explained to her what happened and I STRESSED that I did not want anything from her..not money or anything..so that it was clear i wasnt trying to take advantage of her in any way.. ..she told me she never knew anything about my son..and that she didnt think he looked like her son at all..but she gave me the benefit of the doubt and wanted to make plans to meet my son and everything..Then she called her son and he told her that if she doesnt stop talking to me that he will keep his other son from her..and he told her that I was crazy and My son was not his...So after that email from her..I havnt heard anything since..and this was when he just turned 2...My fiance of 4 years has been my sons daddy..he even has his last name and has taken care of him since Day 1 They adore eachother and we have a perfect little family....(I was 5 months pregnant when we got together)..I just need to know what i am supposed to tell my son when he starts asking me why he is the only one with brown eyes..=0/..I dont want to tell him he has a "family" out there that never wanted him..and has no interest in being a part of his life..I feel like it will break his heart..but I dont want to lie to him either..I am so scared about what is going to happen to my son when he finds out the truth..I fear he will feel like a part of him will never be whole..What would you do?..has anyone else had to do this before?

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Danielle - posted on 05/03/2012

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I haven't been through it before. I would just tell him that his bio father wasn't ready to be a daddy. It's nothing against him; just sometimes people make stupid decisions because they don't know better and you have to go on with life. What matters is that you and your SO love him as if he came from both of you, and you both will always love him no matter what.

If that isn't enough for him, see about letting him speak with a school counselor, get him some books on adoption, etc. Then again, it might be that he nevers asks why his are brown. He might be perfectly happy to hear how you love his beautiful brown eyes.

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