Andrea - posted on 03/08/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )
I'm 44 years old and I have two children of my own 19 and 14.. I met my partner a year ago and we have an amazing relationship and after years of being on my own I could not be happier.. My partner has 2 children ages 4 and 10 and this is where I feel such a horrible person, I cannot bond with the kids.. I keep telling myself I'm being horrible and I need to try but I just can't do it.. Everything annoys me. I don't spend a lot of time with the kids as they live 2 hours drive away so my partner tends to go and visit them on weekends that I'm working. He is an amazing father and wants to see his kids As much as possible he doesn't want to be the father that only has his kids once a fortnight which is a wonderful thing.
When we do have the kids I'm not being myself I tend to distant myself from them (please don't judge me on this I'm needing advice to fix it). It's hard to bring all the kids together as the age difference is so big. My kids don't want to do what we are doing with his children so I feel torn that if I do things with his kids I'm choosing to spend time with his kids and not my own.
I'm struggling more with the 10 year old girl as she is like10 year old with a 40 year old head on her shoulders she has an opinion about everything and likes to be involved in adult conversation. She has an opinion on everything for example - out at a friends house and I was having a glass of wine and in front of a number of guests (all adults, the other kids were playing in the yard) she shook her finger at me and said, hope your not drinking and driving.. I bought her a lovely gift for Xmas and later in the day she came up and said, hope you stay with my dad you give good presents and then smirked at me.. It's like I don't trust her which sounds strange I know...
I've spoken to my daughter about it and she said she feels the same.. Is it horrible that I don't like the child as I've never felt like this ever before and it is really upsetting me and I feel evil that I'm even thinking like this..
I want to fix it but I have no idea how too... When I think about it, it's basically that I don't like her personality.. If she wasn't my partners child and she was an adult she would be a person I would choose to not to associate with BUT she's not an adult she's a child and I don't have that choice..
Please don't respond if you just want to judge me, constructive advice only as I truly want to fix this.