I need advice and some answers

Jessica - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 16 moms have responded )

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I had a miscarriage over three years ago and it still hard for me because I feel like its my fault because I didn't find out early in time. I would love to get pregnant again but I'm scared I'm going to have another miscarriage again. If you have any advice for me please I need it

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Tina - posted on 08/24/2012

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I know it's a little scary but don't let that deter you. Just take care of yourself. If you really want a baby treat your body as if you were already pregnant so when it does happen even if you don't find out straight away the baby should be fine and healthy. You can't change the past. Don't beat yourself up about it. Just do the best you can now to prepare for the future. :)

Michelle - posted on 08/24/2012

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My 1st pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was supposed to be 11 weeks along and started bleeding. I went for an ultrasound and amniotic sac was the size of a pregnancy 7 weeks along and there was no baby. My body had absorbed it and tried to carry on the pregnancy for another 7 weeks. It was heartbreaking that I still thought I was pregnant all that time.



I fell pregnant again 4 months later and was really scared it would happen again. My doctor was great and gave me extra ultrasounds to show me everything was fine.



I now have 3 children 11, 8.5 and 2.5 and never had another miscarriage after my first. My 2 oldest were both overdue and the last one arrived 3 days early.



It's hard when you fall pregnant again after a miscarriage but as Chaya said, if you don't fall pregnant you won't have another child.

Chaya - posted on 08/23/2012

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You may have another miscarriage, but you'll never have a baby if you don't get pregnant, outiside of adopting. Nothing ventured, nothing gained

Threenorns - posted on 08/24/2012

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you're talking to the queen of miscarriages here: my oldest daughter (now 26) was pregnancy number 9; daughter #2 (23yrs old) is #11; and my youngest (5yrs old) is #14. i had two miscarriages after her - the last one nearly killed me; i needed blood transfusions and emergency surgery to stop the haemorrhaging.



here's what you can do to maximize your odds:



#1 - live your life as if you're already pregnant. if it's something you wouldn't eat/drink/do when you're pregnant, don't do it now. eat a clean and healthy diet. maintain a healthy body (NOT "weight" and BMI is bullshit - being fit and active is far more important than only looking good when you're fully dressed).



#2 - avoid stress. stress is a KILLER when it comes to pregnancies. the higher the stress, the more likely your body will end the pregnancy due to the excessive levels of cortisol in your system. every day, take some "down" time - how you meditate is up to you: yoga, bubble baths, Big Bang Theory marathons, whatever gets you smiling and relaxed.



#3 - make sure you're taking folic acid - get those levels up. folic acid deficiency causes spinal cord defect like hare lip, cleft palate, and spina bifida. also increase vitC, vitD (naturally, pls: go for a walk in the sun every day *without* sunscreen), and iron.



#4 - DO NOT GET AN EARLY ULTRASOUND. ultrasounds are NOT safe. three of my miscarriages occurred exactly 3 days after a first-trimester dating ultrasound that showed a healthy developing baby.



#5 - understand that roughly 60% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. on our own, we'd never even know we were pregnant until nearly the end of the first trimester or, in the case of women with irregular periods, into the fourth month. but now, thanks to the wonders of technology, pregnancy tests have practically gotten to the point where we can take one to determine if there's any point having sex at the moment! this may be wonderful to find out as soon as possible but it's hell on mental and emotional health.





PS: if i sound rather blasé about the whole thing, it's bec one can mourn only so much. after a while, you learn life goes on - if there was no baby, there's a reason for it and it's best to accept and move on before you drive yourself and everyone who loves you batty. the three girls i have are *gems* - they truly are exceptional - and they wouldn't be who they are if i hadn't gone through so much before and during pregnancy (all three were ultra-high risk, first and third involving months of strict bed rest).

16 Comments

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Elaine - posted on 09/01/2012

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Please don't blame your self. We are our own worst enemy. This is totally unproductive behavior. You did what you knew to do at that time. Today you will make new choices based on you past experience. Many people have miscarriages. I had one and went on to have a beautiful daughter. Two sister-in-laws and even my best friend and my mother-in law have all had miscarriages and all went on to have babies. Check with your doctor to make sure you are healthy with no hidden problem. Good luck.

Jelisa - posted on 08/31/2012

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Jessica Verduzco ,

Thank you for sharing your story and feelings that I am going through. You are helping me.



I have the same story just i lost my baby in a car accident 3years ago.I too was early on in my pregnancy when i miscarried. It is not your fault at all. Pray for strength to make it through. I don't have any one to talk to about it.

Please email me because we have similar stories and struggles. You can help me. You understand the pain I feel.

Nicole - posted on 08/29/2012

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Its not your fault at all..i lost my first baby in dec..an thought it was my fault...and i aslo thought i couldnt have babies but..everythings fine now..im sure have talked to docters? ..just keep trying jessica,,prey

Melissa - posted on 08/27/2012

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My dear although it was tough realize it was your bodies natural way of saying it wasn't time or something didn't take. I have a friend that had a miscarriage and was so afraid after that the next time she got pregnant she had her cervix sewn to hold the baby. Well althought that baby was held full term it was completely born with major lifelong problems. The next time she got pregnant she let nature determine her pregnancy and she had a healthy baby boy. Realize everything happens for a reason and although i have had a miscarriage and many of my friends too, we realize it wasn't meant at that time and we all ended up having healthy pregnancies and babies after.

Shannon - posted on 08/26/2012

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Hi Jessica. I'm sorry for your loss as well as all of the other moms on here that have suffered miscarriages. I also suffered a miscarriage back in 2007 when I was about 10 weeks along. I started hemorrhaging while walking to my car after I left the ICU. My father in law had just had a massive stroke the night before and had to have emergency surgery to take the pressure off his brain in order to save his life. I subconsciously knew I was miscarrying that day, but I didnt want to further upset my husband or his family. I wasn't able to drive myself home due to excessive bleeding and intense pain, so I walked back into the hospital and checked into the ER. That month was one of the hardest times in my life. I wanted that baby so very much. I swore off pregnant after that....and I blamed myself too. We never did find out an exact cause, but I am fairy certain that i know what happened. Five days prior, I had come down with strep throat. It was so severe, that i had to have a penicillin injection to prevent sepsis. Even with heavy duty antibiotics, I still ran a 103-104 fever for 4 days. I believe that my high fever killed my baby. After wallowing in my grief for 5 months, I decided to be proactive. I had my tonsils removed (since I was very prone to strep throat), starting charting my cycles, and began the road to having a baby. I truly believe that my change in attitude and lowering my anxiety around the miscarriage, allowed peace within my body. What I thought to be a tough recovery from my tonsillectomy, ended up being early pregnancy! I was 6 weeks pregnant and was unaware! I'm not going to lue, i was a basket case for the first 6 months. I was always waiting for something bad to happen. I ended up requiring surgery when i was 28 weeks pregnant to have my gallbladder removed because I had gallstones and one in particular was sitting right at the entrance to my bile duct. Luckily, everything went smoothly and I carried her another 10 weeks! Im sorry that my post is so lengthy, but I just wanted to tell you my story, since it has a happy ending. After suffering a miscarriage, our happy endings are often shattered. It doesn't have to stay this way. If you truly want to experience motherhood, by all means go for it! There are never guarantees in life....that is what miscarriage taught me. With that said, once you go on to have a healthy pregnancy and baby, your miscarriage will just solidify for you just how precious life is. I was horribly ill with both of my "healthy" pregnancies, but since I knew the pain of losing a baby, I was so grateful just to be pregnant! I wish you the best of luck and again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Heather - posted on 08/26/2012

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I have had two miscarriages and then I had my baby. I found out on all three of mine at 4 to 5 weeks. Sometimes they can help you out with what you need and sometimes it doesn't work. After mine I felt scared to try, but when you hold your baby in your arms it was all worth it.

Lesley - posted on 08/26/2012

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Jessica, you have had such good advice here, and I think that you shouldnt let fear hold you back. I have had 10 miscarriages, but a healthy boy in between all of that heart break. Some things you just cannot help, its NOT your fault. My problem is that I miscarry at exactly 8 weeks, and there isnt anything wrong that the doctors can find with either me or the babies, it just is! Live healthily, try not to get stressed and enjoy the journey. HUGE good luck to you you have a really good support network here should you need it. xxx

Jany - posted on 08/24/2012

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Hello Jessica,



I'm so sorry for you loss. :(

Well, let me start by saying.- wow!!! You have gotten some really good advice. These women are very inspiring and informative therefore I will speak to your heart.

Children are truly little gifts, the hardest and most rewarding thing in the world is being a mom, in my opinion. It is also my opinion that giving birth does not make you a mom, shall you ever have to make alternate plans, so hear it goes.



As a mom you love and protect your child like no one else can, you nurture and prepare that child for life. I believe something are not meant to be and your lost pregnancy could have been a hidden blessing. Perhaps that baby was not perfect and could not survive without you. Who would take care of that child if you were not there.

That pregnancy had an affect on your life, maybe now you love a little more or appreciate the little things a little more. Perhaps it was so that one day you could help someone whom is not as strong as you. What ever the reason it was nothing you did. :( stop blaming your self and try again. Find a good doctor, listen to those ladies and do not miss out, out of fear.



I have four kids and I had a miscarriage between baby 2 & 3. My daughter (baby 3) was born 9 months after my miscarriage and she was perfect. Well..lol I went on to have another; point is...go for it..have lots of babies. ;)



Good luck!!

Jenniffer - posted on 08/24/2012

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Back in April I became pregnant with what would have been my 2nd child. I found out I was pregnant 4 days before I missed my period and had it confirmed at 5 weeks and 2 days. In May I miscarried at 6 weeks and 5 days. I did everything I was suppose to do cut down on my caffeine, took my vitamins, and got plenty of rest. And there was no signs that something would go wrong. I was laying on my couch with my daughter watching cartoons and got up to go to the bathroom and there was a lot of blood. Sometimes these things just happen and it's hard not to blame yourself or your partner.

I'm scared to have another miscarriage but we want another child. So my wanting another child overrides my fear.Sometimes it's just easier to bite the bullet and try, it might not happen right away but you won't get the baby you if you don't. We've been trying since the miscarriage but nothing yet.

Bethany - posted on 08/24/2012

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I have lost two, and trust me, I had the whole gammit of emotions. 8/13 marked 4 years for me of 2 beautiful angels, and I remember the day like it was yesterday.

I have since gone on to carry successfully to term two more beautiful children, who I appreciate so much more because of the losses I have.

You just have to take it one day at a time, if you do get pregnant again.

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