Caressa - posted on 05/24/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )
I hope someone may be able to give me some advice to help me. I'm 13yrs old and have not seen my father since the age of 5. My father is a subject which my mother doesn't really want to talk about. I desperately want my father.
Recently, I was going through some documents in my mums boxes and came across a Court document requesting for access by my dad. It looks like the battle for access went on for 3yrs until my mother left with me for Australia. From the document my dad followed up to look for us in Australia and had myself and mother returned (deported) to the UK where the custody battle continued.
It looks like my mother, her father (my grandfather) and mother (my grandmother) were charged by the Courts for disobeying Court Orders and my grandfather was sent to prison for 2 weeks. To make it worse, it seems the court made the decision to refuse my father access rights because the documents claimed I did not want to see my father. I believe my father could not fight anymore because he was tired of fighting and may have decided to call it a day on me and my mum.
What hurt most is that it seems it was my wishes in court that made the judge decide to refuse access. My father seems to be a good man, never abused or posed a threat to anyone . But how can a judge take the comments of a 6yr old seriously and make a life-changing decision based on it. My mum hasn't said much and only says that was a Court decision. I've started to hate her but equally love her as well.
I cannot stop crying and feeling very depressed that I was responsible for my dad walking away. I was only a child and why should the court take a 6yr old word. I find myself so lonely because there is no one to talk to on this issue. My grandparents whom I grew up with would also not hear anything about my dad because my grandfather was sent to prison because of the custody battle. I sometimes feel like cutting myself up.
I really want to meet my dad so much that it hurts. But I doubt if its possible and if he would ever forgive me. I'm sure he has moved on with his life and do I really want to take him back to something he has moved away from, the pain and all the hurt. But I think its just normal of me to want to know my father. All I want to do is to meet with him and ask him to forgive me. I wish someone can help me!