I need advice on how to help my son.. I'm at a loss. Please help?

Traci - posted on 08/20/2011 ( 2 moms have responded )

42

33

1

A few months ago I had someone watch my kids, and she watched them for a 3-4 week duration while I was at work. Mind you my son was potty training at the time, more like knew how to do it all just needed to be reminded not to ignore his urge to go. (basically just say hey bud do you have to go potty.. Every so often if he hadn't gone on his own for a while.. He was 99.9% potty trained) anyway so i had D watch my kids because I had lost my daycare for the time and needed help D offered, she's family, has a child of her own, I assumed it would be fine. Anyway, hind sight is 20/20 and I wish I would have never let her.. My son started regressing in potty training and there was a day D had to go to work before I got off so my bestfriend said she could take the kids so D could go to work and until I got off. My bestfriend walked in on D being emotionally and verbally abusive to my son over having an accident. She yanked him into the bathroom and was screaming at him calling him names and a whole bunch of other stuff. Anyway, I completely have removed D from my kids' lives but my son is still suffering from what she did to him. He hides to poop his undies, he is scared to say if he has an accident, he cries if I bring him into the bathroom to clean him up.. He still goes potty about 75-80% of the time but.. My question is how do I help my son realize that what D did to him will NEVER happen again and he is safe with mom and that it's ok if he has an accident that we just have to get cleaned and new undies on? Also my son has always kind of had separation anxiety from me, but since all of this it has (obviously) gotten way worse. There are time when he will scream because his dad tries to take him out of the vehicle, it has to be me. Or if I go out of his sight he will have a panic attack. And when I leave for work he begs me to stay. I know this is normal reaction to what happened, but I guess with all of this how to I help my son realize that he will never be in that situation again and mom will ALWAYS come back.

2 Comments

View replies by

Traci - posted on 08/20/2011

42

33

1

Kathrine, I talk to him about it. I tell him I love him every chance I get. I hold him when he is having anxiety. He has improved since she has been completely removed from his life it has taken time, but he's slowly coming around. I know he is always going to have reminders of what happened. I try to be extra cautious with him. When he is being naughty hitting his sister or whatever(he is 3) I have to be very careful, separating him from the situation is hard because he has told me she said he couldn't come out of his room. I feel like I am riding a never ending carosel sometimes he is "normal" (like he was before her) and other days it's like we are back at day one. I don't even know who to turn to. She has told lies to all the family about what happened(she's actually my hubby's sister) they all believe her that my bestfriend and I fabricated this whole story because we "don't like her" My parents and grandma watch my kids now and ONLY they do. I don't know where to go to counseling for him, I don't know what to do!! I have always been so 'protective' of my kids and I didn't see this..

Katherine - posted on 08/20/2011

65,420

232

5195

That is disgusting. Now he probably needs counseling. How traumatic for a little boy. I would sit down and talk to him. Maybe he will talk to you and describe his feelings. He is obviously wrecked from the situation.

He needs more help than you can give at this point.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms