[deleted account] ( 18 moms have responded )
Before I get started, let me give a little backstory. My husband has two kids ages 10 and 12. One girl, age 10. One boy, age 12. My husband and I have been together since they were five and seven. So this is nothing new to them. My husband has been divorced for eight years now. And their family on the mother side, divorced and mixed families is nothing new to them.
Their situation at home is rather strange to me. There are no set rules for them, and they basically just watch TV all day. Their grades are very bad school, Cs and Ds. Basically, their main source of recreation is sitting around and watching TV day in and day out. They are not encouraged to go outside, and they are not encouraged to read or do anything shall I say useful? Their house is very filthy, and their courage to clean. They are not allowed to bring any personal bags are belongings, because the last time I did it was infested with roaches. For their ages, they are very behind. And empathy. In reading. And their speech is comparable to that of A three-year-old. To the extent that I cannot understand what they are saying or talking about half the time, and I'm not sure that they know what they are saying either.
I think a lot of their problems stem from how they are expected to behave at home, which is nothing at all. They are pretty much sold at home, and give them everything they want. The boy, keep in mind that he is 12, will watch TV and get so into it that he will not get up and use the bathroom. He will end up soiling his pants and then he will not change it unless you ask him to. The girl will sit there and suck on her wrist until it turns purple. I'm not sure I quite understand these behaviors, but their father does nothing to correct them, and it makes me look like the bad guy when I asked them to do something different. I have to cut the TV off in order for them to listen to me, and then they give me evil stares. I've tried to make the boys clean himself up, clean his clothes, and clean up his mess in the bathroom when he sold himself. But it does no good, there've been times when he saw himself three times in one day. We took them to the zoo one time, and he soiled himself there. Know that we were 200 miles from home.
I think that a lot of brainwashing goes on in the real home. The mother states that they are allergic to cats, and they are not. The girl will fake sneeze and that's about it. You know th cartoon ACHOO kind of thing. But, somehow they're only allergic when I want to be. They are allergic to grown cats, but I'm not allergic to kittens according to them. When it comes to dogs, they have hit them, lock them in closets, drawn them on top beach other to try to make them fight, and drive them around by the throat. I have explained to them that that might be what they do in their home, but I do not allow that kind of behavior in my home. And their father just shrugged it off like it is normal
The last time that they were down, they terrorize the house. They broke thanks, I think all of the floor, and trash the room. Their father seem to think that that was okay. When he asked them to do something and I don't do it or they tell him no, he just says okay I'm sorry. I have discussed with him that that is not an acceptable thing to do when I child tell you know. And then he turns around and gets defensive
It has gotten to the point where they are not allowed to come down to our home anymore, do you know that they live in another state, 300 miles away. I used to go and get them after work on Fridays and bring them back down for the weekend. Their mother would show up late, so I would work all day, drive four hours, and wait for their mother to be 45 minutes late. There been times when she would not answer my call or my text, after she agreed to meet me in certain places. I think A lot of bad mouthing goes on in their home. And that maybe where a lot of the disrespect comes from. But as far as their behavior, I think a lot of it stems from the fact that there are no set rules in the home.
My husband has tried to discuss this with their mother, but she shrugs it off and said that she is a good mother and that they are good kids.
I do not feel like it is fair for my husband to have to spend day trips open their state with them. I would like to be able to bring them down, but how can I do it if their father will not agree with the situation or will not agree or come to terms on certain rules for the household? I said the singles for a 10 and a 12-year-old as I do for my husband and eyes to-year-old. And there should be more expected of a 10 and a 12-year-old. My husband has told me that I should expect less of them that I should expect from our two-year-old I told him that everyone in this household is equal should all the rules are set, especially the children. If my husband and I cannot come to terms, how can I be able to allow them in our home it is not there.
I feel like I have set their rules. If they do not listen to us, the boy decides to soiled his pants were watching TV, then I don't get TV for the rest the weekend. They are already not allowed to play video games, because the last time they did that your controller and it knocked a gaming system off and broke it. They did not apologize both of them just got up and walked off like it was nothing. They are not allowed to pick our daughter up, I had sent rolls stating that along time ago. My husband started handing our daughter to them and eventually the girl tried to pick our daughter up at one point and dropped off her face. The girl just turned around and walked off and did not apologize. She did not ask if our daughter was okay or anything. When I told my husband that is why did not want either of them picking her up, he got defensive and got mad at me.
The only way, due to our work schedules, that you could spend more time with them especially during holidays which bring them down to our home. But even Christmas is difficult. The last couple years we did Christmas and went all out with them. Rather then appreciating what they got, they took all of our daughters toys and played with them. Why would a 10 and a 12-year-old well back then they were nine and 11, want a toddler's toys? I understand there may be some jealousy going on.
When it comes to eating, Every meal that they eat at home is mcdonalds or something fast food. At our house, I cook meals. The boy is generally good about eating what is on his plate. The girl however, has no right lanes between crying, begging her Sobro up, or spitting on her plate. She does not like to eat vegetables of any kind very clear. In fact she won't hardly anything unless it is McDonald's. I try to avoid that, unless it is a special treat a ward. I make my two-year-old daughter what is on her plate. And I expect the same of them.
My big question is, should I keep things as it is, and not allow them down at all? Or should I continue to try to come to an agreement with their father rules for the house, and hope that he will eventually stick by that?