I need all the help I can get with my 7 year old girl. (I'm only 16.)?

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012 ( 12 moms have responded )

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I'm sorry, I'm on the wrong site, but hear me out.

First off, before I get pinned as a teenage mother, I want to clear this up, I'm not a mother, I'm a sister.

I just turned 16, and my 7 year old sister refuses to listen to me or our parents.

I'm starting to think my mother is in denial that her precious baby girl is basically a 'spoiled brat' and I didn't know where else to go. My father is just as baffled as I am.

She refuses to cooperate, and the only way to get her to do anything is bribe her.

When she does something wrong or isn't listening, my mother just tells her how beautiful and smart she is, and then my sister gets all happy and cooperates. But she's just taking advantage of all three of us now and my mother is completely blind to it.

I tried to tell my parents a long time ago that she was being spoiled, but neither one of them believed me. My father recently realized it, about 2-3 months ago, and my mother is still somewhere in dreamland.

I just had a problem with my sister today, and after a horrible fight, I decided to take matters into my own hands and found this site.

The problem today went something like this.



My sister was just outside, playing with the hose in her bathing suit. It's starting to get cold and my father told her to come into the house and dry off. (My mother is at work.) She ignored him. He said, "Come inside." and her reply was, "No. I'm playing." and she closed the door on him and went to play. I'm not even shocked at her behavior anymore.

He told me to get her, and I did. I opened the door, told her to come inside and dry off. She told me to "Go away." and said, "This is none of your business." I said she had 3 seconds to get into the house. She screamed at me to "shut up." I counted to three and she just ignored me. So, I walked over, grabbed her by the arm, and literally had to drag her into the house as she screamed bloody murder at me.

I told her to go upstairs, take off the bathing suit, and shower. She said no and tried to go outside again. Then I warned her that if she tried to go outside again, I would ground her. (My mother never grounds her. Ever. I, for one, was never a problem child, since I was naturally quiet and obeyed immediately. I have gotten grounded 3 times in my life for small issues, such as continuously closing my bedroom door when I was 9 instead of leaving it open. For that one, I got no TV for a day. My sister, who does things 10x worse than I have ever done, (Hitting me AND my parents, screaming, never doing anything she is told, etc.) never gets punished. At most, she'd get yelled at for a few seconds, then she'd burst into tears and receive a bunch of hugs.) Back to the story. I told her I'd ground her. She told me I'm not allowed to do that. I am allowed to ground her. She refuses to accept that fact. She doesn't respect my authority as her older sister. She doesn't respect the fact that I'm in charge when our parents aren't home and wreaks havoc, then tells our parents I yelled at her, and I get told that I need to be nicer to her.

I told her I would still ground her because she knows very well I can. Then I went to the living room and she followed me, stomping around and screaming at me. I told her to go to the bathroom and take a shower. 5 minutes later, I found her pouring water on her head at the sink, basically flooding the bathroom. When I turned the water off, she screamed at me to get out the bathroom, completely ignoring the fact that she flooded it. I said no and told her to take off her swimsuit 'cause it was dripping everywhere, and get in the shower. She said she didn't need to because it was 'water proof.' I told her to take it off because the ground isn't 'water proof' and she said no and stood there, grinning at me. I didn't know what to do at this point. I told her to get in the shower again, and she said she wanted to wear her swimsuit around the house. At this point, my father came in, told her to take it off 5-6 times, and when she told both of us to go away and that she wouldn't listen, he pulled it off of her, handed it to me, and told her to get in the shower. She finally did, but threw a whole fit and hit me a few times in the shoulder.

Then she threw a whole tantrum about how she didn't want to shower.

She finally showered and is sitting in our room, watching TV.

I'm at the end of my rope here. I don't know what to do with this kid. How do I make her stop acting like a, pardon my language, spoiled piece of shit? I'm sick of it. She's a good girl at heart, and I love her, but this has got to stop.

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Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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I understand where you're coming from and it makes sense, but our situation makes it impossible for me not to have a say. My parents work so much, I'm honestly the only one home.

They had to put me in a position of power, because there's no one else around. In the morning, both of them leave for work. When my sister and I go to school, and I get out at 1, it's my job to pick her up from school and we stay home alone until 7, when my father gets home. My mother gets home around 8.

On weekends, my sister and I are home alone all day.

I had babysitting responsibilities all summer long. It's like having my own daughter.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/23/2012

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Well, you are not the parent and should not feel like the one that has to discipline her. But I can respect the fact that you are being put into that position. She obviously has never had a consequence in her life. You and your dad need to sit down with your mom and lay down the law with her about how your sister needs to be handled. If the whole family is not on board it will not work. A reward chart would be great, where when she does her chores for the day she gets a star, or whatever she has done well. That means she can also get stars taken away from her for poor behavior. At the end of the week, she can get some sort of simple reward like an allowance or something simple but earned. Just a starting point for ideas.

12 Comments

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S. - posted on 08/23/2012

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Good luck, it would be nice to know how you get on and I'm glad your mother is on your side.

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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So my mother came back and we had a long family discussion.

It seems more sorted out than before and we're trying to stick to the advice here that you all posted.

Thank you for the help!

S. - posted on 08/23/2012

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You sound a lot like my husband and his sister, he is 10 years older then her, his step father works away but his mother was just plain lazy and would let her get away with everything and spoil her to the point of rotten! He hated it (he also was well behaved growing up) he took it upon himself to become the father figure and he was the only one who even tried to set boundaries. She is close to your age now but no were near as grown up as you sound my husband loves her but doesn't like her and tbh she can be a horrible person at times and the things I have seen from her is shocking she has no respect for anyone. It is sad but it's not his fault and it's not yours either. I do have to add he has made a brilliant father :)

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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Thank you, the advice sounds good and I'll be sure to talk to my mother when she gets home today from work.

As for the sister relationship, we basically have no relationship at all right now. We're like neighbors, not sisters. No conversation occurs between us, no friendship, no friendly contact with the other at all. I might even build a relationship with her if I don't back off.

People argue and fight because they care about the other. We're so distanced, that we don't even have sibling fights.

It makes me sad when I think about our relationship right now, but I'm so used to it like this, I honestly can't imagine it any other way.

S. - posted on 08/23/2012

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Tawni I must say you sound very grown up for 16 and very responsible but I agree with dove on the fact that you shouldn't Have to be this Childs authority figure your parents should be also in my house if my oldest child grounded the younger one's she would be grounded instead but I do respect that all families are different and the fact that you feel it is your position in the house to help so I am going to try talk to you as if you were the mother.



This child is out of control and will only get worse you need zero tolerance and all 'authority figures' need to unit and stay on the same page, if one of you are doing one thing and another one is doing something else well you may as well go back to square one. I believe in naughty spot/corners/stairs all the way where ever you are you can find a naughty spot she get warned and if she still dose it she goes to the naughty spot for 7 minuets, I would advice mum or dad to be putting her there because she will kick out and no sibling should hit another! Then she need explaining to why she is there and made to say sorry. Once she knows your all going to get away with things and your going to fallow threw with punishment you'll start to see an improvement. All children like rewards and praise so a ladder chart I good she can climb it for good thing and get a prize at the end of a week, also lots of good and thank you's and well done's for good things she's doing. It will take time and be a lot of hard work given her age but your hard work will pay off.



Maybe the more your mother steps up, the more you will feel you can back off! Be awear thou you will need to back off otherwise it will ruin your sister relationship.

Dove - posted on 08/23/2012

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Wow. I didn't realize you had to have so much care over your sister. I'm sorry. Your parents really need to step up here and I wish I had the magic words to make that happen for both of you.

Dove - posted on 08/23/2012

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Fine... just trying to offer my perspective since I have kids with about the same age difference as you and your sister. And if my little one is trying to beat up on the older ones and they won't get away from him so that I can deal with him... I SEND them to their rooms. They try and interfere at times and, honestly, they make his behavior worse. When they are not around I can actually get him to listen to me. They get involved and he listens to no one.....



Not to mention if one of them thought they had the 'power' to ground him.... they'd be the ones grounded.



I get that your parents have put you in this position, but THEY are the ones in the wrong here.

Tawni - posted on 08/23/2012

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Honestly, I disagree with the whole 'authority figure' concept.

I'm helping my parents deal with her and all 3 of us are having trouble as it is. Locking myself in my room would be selfish, stupid, and it won't help anyone. Whether or not parenting her is my job is irrelevant. If I can reason, I can help.

Dove - posted on 08/23/2012

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You shouldn't be in the position of disciplining your sister. You AREN'T an authority figure over her and your dad should not try to put you in that position. An older sibling helping the parent/parents out with the little one... yes, I agree with that as my older ones do help out a LOT. But... if he's not listening to them on my behalf... it is my problem and I deal with it.



Really... all you can do is try and get your dad to talk to your mom and have them work together on this. Perhaps if you tell your mom you need to go to counseling because your sister's behavior is so disturbing it would help her wake up to the reality that is going on here.



I am hoping you have your own room? If so... when she gets like this, go in your room and lock your door. It's not your job to parent her, but that doesn't mean you have to stand around and let her hit you or anything.



Sorry! I wish I knew what more to say.

Kristin - posted on 08/23/2012

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She doesn't see you as an authority figure. you are only her sister, not her mother. your parents should be correcting the problem and not you.

talk to your dad and express how you feel. things need to start changing in that house hols and it needs to start with them.

your parents need to discipline her and follow through with threats of punishment.

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