I need desperate help to remain sane.

Diane - posted on 08/30/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have 2 girls, 1 is 16 and doing very well in school and otherwise. I have an 18 year old who has been a rebellious hellion since birth. She cut classes in HS, almost flunked out, we had to move her to a "closed" campus, she has risky behavior, compulsively lies. I gave her a nice Honda 2 years ago and she totalled it running into a tree, she had another car we tried with her that she trashed. she trashed her bedroom this May and moved in with her boyfriend and transient friend in their parents barn. Now she is back, living in our camper and pregnant. When she moved out, I talked to her many times about birth control but she told me "not to worry about it". She going to Community College for a couple weeks so hope that lasts, we are paying for everything for her and running everywhere for her. She won't talk to me. We fight constantly, she is impossible to talk with. she has no cell phone anymore as she lost that. Her father takes her to college and drops her off. She has been in and out of mental health counseling for years, that has not seemed to help. I messaged her yesterday that if she is willing to be honest with me, I want to help her, we just cannot have a relationship if shes not going to be honest with me. She is pretty verbally abusive to her sister and me and her sister hates her. We know she must have some type of mental illness but she won't address that. Last night, she put mean stuff on FB and messaged me that she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, that she is hurting and angry. I blocked her from FB because I cannot handle seeing it.Please help me, are we doomed? im getting in individual counseling soon. My husband and I basically don't talk too much but he's trying to keep eveybody together. It's very stressful for him too. any positive ideas or thoughts would help. Im extremely depressed. We have a nice home, but this has been destroying us for years.

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Sarah - posted on 08/30/2016

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I agree as well. Set up the rules, lay them down and if she can't or won't comply? Then she has to leave. I hope she sticks with college, at least gets some sort of vocational training. She is going to need health insurance and a job.

Dove - posted on 08/30/2016

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The time to be concerned about a possible mental illness was when she was a child. As an adult it is up to her to seek help... or not.

I agree w/ LMCBW.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 08/30/2016

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These are no longer consequences. You give her everything she needs and took her back home. How about don't pay for her stuff, and stop driving her around.....the only place i would drive her if ABSOLUTELY necessary would be school. She needs to find a job also and start saving some money for the baby and contributing to your home. She doesn't do what you ask, she moves out. Make a contract with her. Talk to her about her behavior and expectations. You cannot force her into mental healthcare, but you can certainly discuss it. It sounds like you have enabled her behavior for 19yrs. It is hard to backpedal at this point, but you have to.

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Diane - posted on 08/30/2016

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Consequences
Grounded when younger
Moved to closed campus school where she couldn't ditch
No phone, no car, lives in a small camper outside without house privileges except to shower, no money for activities or clothes.

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