I need help

Alyssa - posted on 07/31/2012 ( 5 moms have responded )

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I have a 4 month son. His sperm donor has had nothing to do with the pregnancy or with my son now he would rather spend time with his 17 year old girlfriend and he's 21. I saved a text his sister sent me saying he dosent want anything to do with him becuase he doesnt want anything to do with me. I have child support court next week and i was woundering how i can prove he is unfit for my son he barly ever sees his other son and he's big time in det with his other son and i know i will never see a dime for my son so how can i prove that he should sign off his rights. I'm engaged and my fiance supports my son more he has bought dipars,wipes,clothing,shoes and toys. He would liike to adopt. But im more worried about how i can prove my son sperm donor is unfit.Please help me!

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Annabelle - posted on 08/02/2012

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He is your sons father like it or not. And to be honest he cannot be forced to give up his rights regardless of his lack of responsibility - unless there is abuse, drugs, etc just not visiting your son isn't going to prove he is unfit. You will win child support most likely but that gives him visitation rights as well (whether he actually pays it or not you have to share your son with him when the court says you do). It's a twisted system but that's the way it is. Honestly, if your fiance is supporting him now then you should just forget about court and live your life, your son will know as he gets older the difference between the guy who made him and the man who raised him. However, I would get custody papers established. If your ex is on the birth certificate than he has just as much rights to your son as you; meaning he can pick him up from daycare or take him out of state. As a former child care provider parents would fight and want me to keep the kids from one well without legal documents I couldn't keep a legal parent from taking their child. Talk to a lawyer.

Dove - posted on 07/31/2012

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He's not a sperm donor. You chose to have sex with him and had a baby. He may be a pathetic loser, but I'm willing to bet if that's the case then he was a pathetic loser BEFORE you had sex with him.... and now you want to punish him and your son for your choice in men?

Does he have a criminal record, do drugs, is he physically abusive? If not... not only will you not be able to prove him unfit, but if he takes you to court for visitation... he will get it.

His sister texting you is proof of nothing. That's simply hearsay and judges don't like that stuff.

Talk to a lawyer though. If there is another man willing to adopt and the baby's bio father REALLY doesn't want to have anything to do with his son.... you might be able to have him sign away his rights willingly.... or in some states with no contact and/or financial support in one (some places it's two) year.... the state will take his rights away and then your fiance could adopt.

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Chaya - posted on 08/02/2012

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If he's actually unfit, he'll prove it to the judge himself.
If he's court ordered to pay child support, his wages will be garnished. If he refuses to keep a job, he'll end up in jail.
I hope all parites involved return to school, It's impossible to raise children on minimum wage.

Lacye - posted on 07/31/2012

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I agree with Dove. If you actually had sex with this guy and got pregnant with him, he's not a sperm donor. The correct term would be un-involved father. Have you tried talking to him and asking him if he would be willing to sign over his rights so your fiance could adopt him? If he hates you this much and doesn't want to be in the child's life, I don't see any reason why he wouldn't go for it.

Louise - posted on 07/31/2012

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If there is no relationship at all between father and son and he has made no effort to see him why do you think you will need to fight to get him to sign over his rights? It would seem the easy way out for him if he has no interest. Have you tried to write him a letter asking him to do this? Try and keep things friendly though because he could be an awkward sod and demand visitation just to be spiteful. Try approaching him and if that does not work then I am afraid you can not prove he is unfit unless he is a drunk, drug addict or is abusive.

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