I need help

Nicole - posted on 12/11/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )

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I am not with the baby father of my unborn baby girl . I am going to share my story so you guys can get a better understanding . I was "seeing " this guy who is now the baby father of my unborn child . Before the pregnancy he knew I wasn't working and I was dealing with other personal issues in life hence I wasn't planning to get pregnant . We were having unprotected sex and he knew I had a chance of getting pregnant and he said that he would help me no matter what . I got pregnant in the ending week of May and found out around June . I was scared to tell my mother because I was thinking the worst .... What if she kicks me out ? And I was still in shock and nervous on how I was going to tell her .... Before I got pregnant I told the baby daddy I am against abortion so if I do end up pregnant im not getting rid of it . I chose to use my heart instead of seeing the fact that he was irresponsible and continues to be . When he found out I asked him if my mom does kick me out where was I going to go ? He said oh idk because my father doesn't know you're pregnant and he was scared to tell him ...so basically if she would have I would have been out in the streets pregnant by him i was saying to my self . When I was 9 weeks he stopped working and wasn't working till 3 months later . In the begining I was under a lot of stress my self with my own personal issues and he just kept adding on to it more by wanting to argue with me . Which could have made me at any time have a misscarage . So because of him doing that I don't think he truly cares bout her cause if he did he wouldn't make me talk so much .... He only gives me 200-300 every two weeks , sometimes I have to wait 3 nd some days or 4 and any one as a mom on here knows that 200-300 is nothing every two weeks cause it gets used on food , maternity clothing and other things .... He still complains bout giving meoney and is always late ... So I don't want to take his money anymore . It's only been working for 4 months and I'm already 7 months pregnant , this is not how I want to spend my pregnancy .... As a consequence , I don't think it's fair that when she's here he gets to decide on what he wants to do with her . He's making me take a paternity test which makes me think he doubts that's his child so it's like why should o have you around fully when shes here ? I See how irresponsible he has been and continues to be threw out the months I have left and I just want to take full custody of her and I really don't want to be bothered after I give birth with his bs . I am not taking away his rights to see her I just want him to have visitation hours and know he won't be able to take her with till she gets older and decides what she wants to do ... As well I have a boyfriend who is willing to do a better job than him and is helping me more so I really don't need him , but when his child is born he can come see her and do his role of a father as I'm going to be doing mine . He smokes and drinks as well and I just feel she would be more fit to be with me because although I don't work my mother is supportive and so Is my boyfriend .... I feel he is unfit because he isn't finacially stable enough and knows what to do with a baby so I don't want her with him because of that .... I suffer from traumatic stress disorder and he knows it and so cause I see he's causing me all this hurt and stress willing knowing my condition , I don't find it fair at all to give him what he wants when I am more mature than him and personally think that he's unfit ....

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Justin - posted on 12/11/2014

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It sounds like hes already stepping upto the plate already by helping you financially , legally he has a responsibility to help you, but understand that forcing a man to pony up is like forcing a woman to put out.
Most young men are imature, scared etc, but fatherhood has a way of maturing people in different ways, sometimes it takes time. I pray you do the right thing always and God changes him for the better. Just reassure him he will have access and the opportunity to be a father.

Ledia - posted on 12/11/2014

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Ok, slow down....

You were NOT planning on getting pregnant, but you were having unprotected sex?? How does that work? Or was that a typo?

This guy is giving you $400-$600 a month in child support before your baby has even been born yet??? It isn't his job to support YOU. That is your job. His only job is to support his child, and the child isn't born yet. No court would have ordered him to give you money for child support before the child's birth. Secondly, unless he has a pretty well paying job, his child support payments are not going to be much more than that--they may even be less depending on his pay and where you live.

You said you "really don't need him" because you now have a new boyfriend who says he will be there for you? The reason you don't need him isn't because of the new boyfriend--you shouldn't "need" a man at all. Secondly, it's been less than a year since you broke up with baby daddy, and hooked up with new boyfriend, and you already trust this guy to "be there for you" even after the last guy you trusted fell through?? You seem very naive. Every man will tell you he loves you and will be with you forever and support you through your struggles if he thinks that is what you want to hear in that moment, but it doesn't mean he actually will. It's great if he does, but you cannot DEPEND on a man sticking around just because he said he would.

Lastly, you feel he is unfit because he isn't financially stable--this is hilarious coming from a woman with no job, planning to depend on a man she just met 7 months ago. That will not fly at all in court. You chose to have a child with THIS man, so THIS man is the father and the two of you will have a relationship for the rest of your lives, whether you like it or not. Just because YOU don't think he is mature enough to father his own child, doesn't mean that he isn't. If you didn't think he was mature enough to father the child, you shouldn't have made a child with him, and if you didn't KNOW whether he was mature enough to father a child, you shouldn't have taken the chance. Personally, from reading your post, I don't think YOU are mature enough to mother the child. You sound like a whiny little brat.

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