i need help!

Ashley - posted on 05/04/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hello im new to all this. Im a stay at home mom to a 4 year old and 10 month old. Im going completely crazy. My oldest doesnt listen to a damn word i say. She has been yelling and screaming and whineing everything u can think of. Im ho e 24/7 i never have a break. Their is no me time. I dont get appreciated for what i do. Never have.i spentnall day cleaning and my husband didnt notice. i love my kids but my oldest she knows how to push buttons. All she does is scream at me. I get so angry i throw things and get really depressed. No one knows. Evveryine seems to think that my kids are angels uhhhhh noooooo.


Rebekah - posted on 05/04/2015




How about communicating with your husband about how you feel? If you say nothing, he can't possibly know how difficult it is for you during the day. Can he give you a few hours of "me time?" Do you have any other family members close by that could also step in this way? Its important to have time for yourself and time to connect with your friends. And date night with your husband... also important. Is it possible to get a babysitter? Even if its just a few hours once per week, that would help. Your four year old is old enough for preschool. I don't know how you feel about that, but it might be a good opportunity for both your child and you.

Do you suppose your daughter might be acting out of jealousy over having to share you with the baby? See if your husband can help by spending time with the baby, while you have a little quality time with your daughter. Maybe you can find out what is at the root of her screaming and whining. Any chance she is picking up on your own anger? If she still is not listening, then its time to implement some discipline... try to keep it positive--maybe try a behavior chart, give her incentives for being respectful and for expressing her feelings appropriately (show her how to do that).

As for your feelings, be sure you are taking care of yourself too, and let those feelings out. If you keep them in, they will turn into depression or resentment. Talk more to your husband. Talk to other moms at the playground. See if you can find a playgroup to hook into to get you socializing with other moms while your daughter is occupied with other kids. I think what you will find is that a lot of other stay at home moms (ALL moms, really!!) experience these feelings too... you are not alone. Managing several young children by yourself all day is draining, and it doesn't take much to feel taken for granted. But you need to advocate for yourself and ask for what you need, which is support from your husband, and time for yourself. That isn't asking a lot. Hang in there.


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Melissa - posted on 05/04/2015




Sweet Ashley, for a start, know you are their mom and that is what they see and have to comfort them. For your four year old daughter, firstly she is experiencing she has not got you to herself. You are juggling your time between both of them. Secondly, she wants to feel secure. How honest of you to say you throw things, that is your release but at the end of the day, you know you feel bad for doing so. There is a way out.

Start afresh with this thought everyday you wake up. You do the best you can do. You know your daughter is only acting up because she is wanting something, either a cuddle first thing in the morning, just you and her time or to play with her on the floor for a little time whilst your 10 month old sleeps. Talk to her like a person, and tell her what you want to do, ie. today I need you to help me do this or that, and when we have you and I can make something together or, eat something nice together. Honestly, once she has you engaged more into her life she will feel less resentful towards everything and you will notice that her moods will die down too. Give her little tasks to do so she feels important too whilst you are looking after your 10 month old. I promise you, Ashley, you are not alone and it is very challenging looking after two little ones, but you can do it with stepping back and looking in and not feeling judged. All they want at the end of the day is you to love and cuddle them and tell them that they are the best. Well done you for reaching out, for there is advice and help and you are going to be a great mom.

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